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Original poster

Mother-in-law wearing white at the wedding

88 replies

Sweetener12 · 15/05/2020 05:38

Yesterday I saw an article about the photographer being told to re-color MIL's dress in the wedding pictures because this lady wore white. While the photographer did a good job repainting it, I thought of what would I do if my future MIL would wear something like that. I'd probably had a good talk with her after all... but I appreciate the idea of re-painting the dress in the photos, haha! What would you do?

Mother-in-law wearing white at the wedding
OP posts:
Soubriquet · 15/05/2020 12:06

My mum wore a dress that was so dark (navy) it looked black Hmm

She wasn’t happy with me marrying my dh. We don’t really speak now

dottiedodah · 15/05/2020 12:28

I have no idea why women do this! Surely there are enough pale pink /blue /floral dresses/hats to choose from ,without upstaging the poor Bride? How would they have liked it if it had been done to them I wonder .Future MOB dont wear white!

dottiedodah · 15/05/2020 12:34

Gosh Cannot believe some of these replies! Low cut frock almost worse than white! My own MIL was a super kind lady and wore a lovely Salmon pink suit .My own DM wore a nice shade of blue.

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EthelMayFergus · 15/05/2020 12:36

I wouldn't even notice. I've been to three weddings in the last three years and at every one there's been a few guests in all-cream or white jacket over a pale dress etc. It just looks 'wedding-y and summery'. And a little girl that knows what dress the flower girl is wearing is naturally going to choose one similar if it's pretty and she likes it. I'm really surprised that it matters, I'd just be pleased that they made an effort to look nice.

Al1Langdownthecleghole · 15/05/2020 12:37

I honestly wouldn't be that bothered about a Mother or MIL of the Bride wearing white, because they are part of the wedding party but clearly not the bride.

On the other hand, and this probably makes me sound ancient, I think its incredibly rude to wear black to a wedding. If people know better, but don't care, that's poor behaviour.

Oresome · 15/05/2020 12:49

One of the first things that my MIL asked about when DH and I got engaged was what my mother was going to wear so that she (MIL) didn’t go for the same colour as MIL had been reading up on Mother of the Groom etiquette. I didn’t have a clue but, seeing as we were 9 months away from the wedding, said that I would let her know as soon as I knew.

In the end, my mother had something made for her and so, about 4 months before the wedding, when asked again, I gave MIL a swatch of the fabric for my mother’s outfit (the bridesmaids had sashes made from the offcuts) and said that MIL would look lovely in whatever she chose to wear although it was best to avoid white/ivory/cream (me!) and anything the same colour as my mother’s.

I thought that the message had got through until less than 48hrs before the wedding, MIL asked whether I wanted to see what she would was going to wear. And yes, it was a cream suit with accessories in the same colour as my mother’s. I didn’t say anything to her face as I was just gobsmacked but I think that it was pretty clear that something was up. DH then had to spell it out to her in words of one syllable. It was a pretty emotionally charged run up to the wedding anyway as my brother had died very suddenly four months previously and we were getting married from my childhood home.

I don’t think that it was malicious but just really unthinking. To be honest, I am still confused to this day about her thought process when choosing. It hasn’t been raised again but it hits me whenever I look at our wedding photos.

ElectricTonight · 15/05/2020 13:39

The photographer could have at least coloured the dress into the same colour as the blokes waistcoat.

DappledThings · 15/05/2020 14:43

My friend's sister wore her own actual wedding dress to my friend, her sister's wedding.

EdersonsSmileyTattoo · 15/05/2020 14:45

My DM wore a white dress to my wedding 15 years ago, I didn’t give a monkeys!

SallyWD · 15/05/2020 14:54

I have no interest in traditional wedding etiquette. Couldn't care less if someone wore white to my wedding. My wedding dress was dark pink and I was heavily pregnant. Honestly people are so precious.

Ginfordinner · 15/05/2020 15:01

I'm inclined to agree with you SallyWD. I think some people just look for offence in everything.

guessmyusername · 15/05/2020 15:01

My MIL wore black to my wedding. I was a bit Hmm but didn't really care. Before the wedding my SIL kept asking what colour the bridesmaid was wearing so that she could co-ordinate. (or pretend to be one). I refused to tell her by saying that we hadn't decided. She turned up in black too.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 15/05/2020 15:02

I’ve never been married so perhaps i would feel differently if this was a reality facing me. But I’ve thought about this every time I’ve seen a situation where it’s happened and I genuinely don’t think I could bring myself to care if someone wore white (or another so called “wrong” colour) to my wedding. For starters, anyone attempting to outshine the bride would be apparent to all the guests and probably be a bit of a laughing stock. The bride would have nothing to be embarrassed about as it isn’t her acting like a jealous child. Secondly, everyone attending a wedding knows who the bride is. It’s not like anyone would see a MIL in a white dress and be confused. Tbh I’m not one for big showy perfectly coordinated weddings where everyone has to look exactly as the bride demands. I think people should be able wear what colours flatter them and if it was someone wearing white or cream or whatever at my wedding then who cares? It takes nothing off the star of the show bride.

Ginfordinner · 15/05/2020 15:19

I agree with all of your points Chandler

lockdowngandt · 15/05/2020 16:51

I agree white "could be a wedding dress" is cringe to wear as a wedding guest. I don't think I have that to worry about but I know my DM will definitely want to get some attention. She had me fairly young and doesn't look her age and loves it, she is a beautiful lady for her age to be honest, she loves the idea of being a "MILF".
When we looked through a few catalogues for what I thought were beautiful, classy and very well tailored MOB dresses (tight fitting so not frumpy, not too short and very flattering) she said they all looked too "old" for her. I would've been happy to wear those dresses myself if I was an important part of someone's wedding!
So I can imagine she'll want something eye catching and will be vying for compliments how she could be my sister Grin

I let her get on with it.

Deadringer · 15/05/2020 17:25

There is a big difference between the mil (or any guest really) wearing an off-white suit, to her wearing a long white dress. The former wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 15/05/2020 17:43

Why would the latter bother you deadringer? (Genuinely asking- as it wouldn’t me)

BeyondMyWits · 15/05/2020 18:01

At my wedding I wore an ivory wedding dress -
my MIL wore an ivory dress,
my stepmum wore a fuchsia pink - in-your-face colour - dress,

my dear mum wore a silvery grey, blend into the background skirt and jacket and looked so beautifully elegant by comparison. MIL and SM showed some regret when they saw the pictures.

I didn't really care to be honest - I got married to my lovely husband. On the day, I literally only had eyes for him.

Lemonblast · 15/05/2020 18:09

My EX MIL pitched up to our wedding with a white dress/jacket combo and a white hat with a veil. I’d expected nothing less.

Deadringer · 15/05/2020 18:32

Neither would bother me to be honest Chandler i have been married donkey's years and don't remember this 'rule' but a pp mentioned a mil in an off-white suit and i just don't think its in the same category as wearing a dress that could be mistaken for a bridal gown. Ditto the pp mentioning a male guest in a white suit, i don't see how that is upstaging a bride.

sashh · 16/05/2020 03:18

People must have a lot of disposable income to buy a new frock for every event!

Ebay - look for 'mother of the bride' and 'cruise wear' I've had some real bargains. I don't normally wear the kind of clothes you wear to a wedding.

ChikiTIKI · 16/05/2020 03:34

I am due to be a bridesmaid at BIL and SIL wedding (brother of my husband). Corona virus- permitting!

My mum and MIL have both separately brought up in all seriousness how it would be a good idea if I just wear my wedding dress on the day. Neither of them could understand why it would not be appropriate!! 😂

stellabelle · 16/05/2020 04:09

When DH's son got married, his mother wore a full length, ivory satin dress which was VERY over-the-top and definitely upstage the bride ! I always thought she was trying to have that effect - she didn't approve of the girl who was marrying "her boy" and was happy to do as much upstaging as possible.

BasiliskStare · 16/05/2020 04:37

I just think no matter what anyone wears - no - one is going to upstage the bride, or indeed groom . So in my book let anyone wear what they want. Yes it would be nice and thoughtful not to turn up in full blown wedding dress to someone else's wedding Grin - but who is the one who is going to look a bit silly in the photographs. & you can always put the nicest photos in album for yourself .

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 16/05/2020 05:33

I honestly don't understand all these discussions about who can / should / should not wear certain colours to a wedding! It is a celebration of a marriage, not a Paris Haute Couture Show. What the guests wore to my wedding - I have no idea, unless I get the album out, but even then I really don't - and didn't - give it a thought.