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Original poster

Question. If your husband

41 replies

Loopylou6 · 15/05/2020 00:50

Had alcohol issues, to point he's had a seizure, then was hospitalized because alcohol had stopped him eating and had blood results so bad that he nearly died...
But then you found he'd been drinking mini bottles of spirits on the sly, what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 15/05/2020 01:29

Anyone?

OP posts:
Nsky · 15/05/2020 01:50

Seems he us highly addicted, and needs help, if he chooses

TinRoofRusty · 15/05/2020 01:53

I'd leave. Would not want the possibility of my kids finding him dead.

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Frownette · 15/05/2020 01:57

Oh loop I remember you. Yes I'd think I would leave if hospital wasn't a wake up call to him.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 15/05/2020 01:58

I’d seek advice through a charity for families of alcoholics such as Al-anon or Turning Point. They will be best equipped to point you in the right direction. Best of luck.

Frownette · 15/05/2020 02:00

He can get help but you can't drag him there, he has to recognise/want to do it if he really wants to change

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 15/05/2020 02:19

I have never been in your shoes but I do know that at this point,you have to protect yourself.
I TRULY hope things work out for you. ❤

CuppaZa · 15/05/2020 02:20

I’d be heartbroken for him and my children but would ultimately have to end the relationship

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2020 02:22

Doesn't matter what we think we'd do. What are you going to do, now you know he absolutely refuses to give up drinking?

Mkh873w · 15/05/2020 02:27

Get him to leave. He won’t hit rock bottom and then recover if he knows he still has you. AlAnon can be very helpful.

LizzieLoafer · 15/05/2020 02:30

If it was a choice of staying and both of us suffering or leaving and one of us suffering, then I'd leave.

AngelGrinder · 15/05/2020 02:34

You know only he can seek the help he needs - you can't make those choices for him. Which is very very hard when you know what the inevitable outcome will be.

All you can do is ensure you have - and this is going to sound tough - things in place financially and you gather as much support from family and friends as you can. Do you have people you can talk to?

I lost someone I loved dearly to alcoholism, similarly to your DH they drank so much they had seizures, a fatty liver, ruined their stomach lining, jaundice and could not eat. But despite being loved by so many people, having so much potential, the drink and him were entwined. We all knew the outcome - like watching a tragic inevitable accident in slow motion.

fallfallfall · 15/05/2020 02:38

Divorce

Idontkowmyname · 15/05/2020 02:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Loopylou6 · 15/05/2020 02:39

Hey # @Frownette yeah here I am again.
@AngelGrinder this all sounds familiar.
Wtf is this happening again

OP posts:
Original poster
Loopylou6 · 15/05/2020 03:00

I don't. Im so sorry x

OP posts:
RainySaturday · 15/05/2020 03:07

Your OH has already chosen alcohol over you and any children you have. He has already left in his head, and I guess you have already faced saying goodbye to him.
I would make him leave. Your life is on tenterhooks until you separate or he dies. I think it should be your decision to make and not left to chance.

AngelGrinder · 15/05/2020 03:11

I did end the r/ship LoopyLou. Have you considered that? Not to force him to change - pointless - but because you know there is no future and your self preservation for yourself and dc should be foremost.

Do you have support? Have you been able to talk to family and friends about this? And what about his family? Are they involved?

HannaYeah · 15/05/2020 03:12

Al-anon 12 steps can really help. Meetings aren’t for everyone but the material is very helpful.

IcyWind · 15/05/2020 03:17

I’d divorce him

LividLaughLovely · 15/05/2020 03:22

Divorce him.

Been in that situation. So I know what I’m talking about.

Was the hardest thing I ever did and mine died of it. Divorcing him was the only way to save myself.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 15/05/2020 03:27

I wouldn't phrase it - chosen alcohol over you. Please
don't let your children think this. Addiction is not like choosing between 2 objects, it's far more complex.
However, the pain and frustration his addiction causes you and children is what you must decide how to deal with.
As others have said, he will have to reach a stage of realisation for a chance at his own recovery- but some never get to this stage , or if they do, they still cannot get control. I think Al Anon will offer advice and support for your family to help understand this situation and make choices.
The impact on those around an alcoholic is devastating and there is a point I would protect myself and my children by breaking the relationship. The point you do that is up to you. You have already stayed longer than I could have.

expat101 · 15/05/2020 03:34

I agree that addiction is not like having a choice between 2 objects, I'm sure your Hubby loves you very much. He just has this ''other thing'' going on that for whatever reason, is his Demon.

Personally I think some sort of counselling to find out why he needs the support of alcohol is a good start. Only then, once that is understood, can he start to deal with the physical dependency.

Can you as a family afford or borrow to send him to a live-in clinic? They don't all have to be flash and for the wealthy, but it might just be the kick start to understanding what is controlling him, that he needs.

good luck, it's a long and difficult road to travel xx

AllyBamma · 15/05/2020 04:18

I’d leave. He’s made his choice so you can make yours now, for the sake of your children.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2020 04:24

Stop thinking you can save him. Stop thinking you're enough for him to get sober, because you're not. Nothing is. He has to fight this monster alone, and only he can make the choice to do so.

He needs to go, and you need to keep him away.