My child doesn’t speak in my (minority) language

[caraway33]

It’s a long one, sorry! Just wondering if anyone experienced similar in multilingual families and what was the outcome in the long term.

We speak in 3 languages at home. English between me and dh, Japanese between dd and dh (he is jp, we live in Jp) and minority eu language (i’m being vague) between me and dd. I exclusively speak in my mother tongue no matter the context. She is just over 4. I think she is passive bilingual- understands well 2 (english to some degree) but for the last year, speaks only in Japanese and only few words in “my” language.
Before dd could speak jp and before kindergarten (a year ago) she used about 100 words in eu language, half as much in jp. Then and now, she doesn’t seem to differentiate between languages- speaks to anyone in the language she knows better, in eu language before and jp now. Her jp is rapidly expanding and as soon as she learns a jp word for something she only knew in eu, immediately stops using what seemed to be an established vocabulary in eu language.
My worry is this.
I know many people with bilingual families and read on the topic, but all kids seems to get different language concept. It doesn’t appear to be so in dd case. If I ask her to repeat something in “my” language, most of the time she says the same thing but very slowly in Japanese- cute but it also frustrates and saddens me.
They are not complicated sentences and all words she used to know before but has been “swallowed” by jp. Like “I want ice-cream”. It looks like she is not able to connect words into sentences. Can only repeat something if i say word by word. Often pronunciation is garbled, even if could say it quite well previously.
My jp level is just a bit above hers and fear that before long we won’t be able to have a meaningful conversation. I want to speak with her not in Japanese which I should learn better for many reasons, but have no emotional connection.

Another concern is that sometimes i get very conscious with dd’s jp chatter and insist on her repeating everything in eu language but in return our exchanges looses spontaneity and i’m afraid this might reinforce anxiety in her or/and put off eu language altogether.

A problem with improving exposure to my minority eu language is just that- it is a minority language, full stop. Especially in such far flung country.

What are your experiences with teaching minority language? How much exposure do you provide to achieve positive outcome? Has anyone experienced difficulties with understanding/accepting different language concept?

Thank you! Sorry for the typos etc.

I've no experience but that seemed such a sad read, I hope someone can help you. And at least I've bumped it for you

Is English you main language at home?

I'm not claiming to be an expert but I have a little bit of knowledge about teaching children with English as another language.

I would advise you to keep on speaking in your home language- it will be going in even if she isn't acknowledging it. Could you find tv programmes or CDs to play for her so it also takes the pressure of you? Or even better, a playgroup? Is there an expat community you could join?

From my own experience of talking to parents with many of the same queries as you, language development in bilingual children seems to go in peaks and troughs and phases of preferring one language.

She is truly lucky to be able to speak 3 languages though. What a gift you're giving her.

I hope that was even slightly helpful!

I think children who grow up in multilingual families do not learn all the languages at the same rate. My friends and family in this situation shot ahead in their mother's language initially then when they started nursery they concentrated on the local language and went through a stage of refusing to speak their mother's language normally but would speak their mother's language on holiday to her home country. They are young adults and comfortably bilingual now. I think it's hard and you have to be consistent and accept that there will be stops and starts over the next decade or so.

I think that you are expecting an awful lot of your DC. She is only 4 and trying to understand 3 very different languages with totally different words, ways of writing and sentence structures.

Which language do they speak at her kindergarten? If it's Japanese, then that will naturally become her main language.

Obviously don't stop trying to teach her your language, but she is likely to become fluent first in the languages that are most relevant to her, such as the one in the country that you live in and the one spoken at school.

Thanks for a bump @Puppybum! i haven’t given up hope she’ll pick it up eventually! But puzzled why it is such a difficult step for her to recognise that mum doesn’t speak the same language like dad...She doesn’t have any development difficulties, plus i’ve read that even if that was the case, it shouldn’t hinder bilingual learning.

My sister's kids grew up in a multi lingual family. One in particular was exposed to Urdu, English,and a Nguni African language (being vague so am not identifiable). She used the languages differently at different times. Much of the Urdu was a a two year old and then until her teens it was very occasional but she still speaks all three fluently now as a 21 yr old. The others had little Urdu and Punjabi exposure but exposed to English and the African language a lot. As kids ( 2-5) they hardly spoke the Nguni language but as they grow up, they use each language depending on who they are talking to.
You live in Japan where she hears Japanese all around her so of course her brain prioritises and uses that predominantly. But keep using your eu language and it will be stored. She will use it. Please don't be sad. It will be fine. You are doing a better job than me with my son. What a gift!

I think the best way is to only speak to her in your language. It must be frustrating, but don't ask her to repeat herself in your language after every sentence. Ex DP did this with our dc and now dd5 says she hates his language. Just chat away in your language, use mime or pictures to explain. Also cartoons and books in your language as a pp suggested.

Keep speaking to her in the language you want her to speak. If she replies in Japanese, you continue in your language.
Can you get books in your language to read to her? Can she watch TV in your language.
Don't make a thing about it. Don't ask her to repeat things. But speak to her exclusively in the language you want her to speak.

Having said that, I had a friend when I was young whose mother was French, and who only spoke to the DCs in French. My friend failed her French O Level!

As PP states there are a lot of peaks and troughs with bilingual children. At 4 your child doesn't yet differentiate the languages - she understands all three so doesn't understand that you don't.

I remember being very confused that I could understand my DGP's Italian but they couldn't understand when I replied in English. They didn't speak any English either so less confusing than a Mum who speaks in one language but still understands the other two!

Just keep chatting away normally to her in your language, and read to her in it as well. Don't make her repeat it, don't force it in any way. It'll sink in.

Does she watch the eu language on tv at home?

I am bilingual and lived in both countries as well as a third country.

My easiest language is the one that I used at school. Then it depended on which country I lived in. Life means that you're more on tune to that language.

I suspect that if you lived in eu country, the balance of eu to Japanese would change. Is there an eu school where you live? It would probably make her use her eu language more

I don't think it matters that its a minority language but that its your language.

We know a couple living in the UK. His first language is Spanish. Hers is French. Their daugter is now 13 and fully trilingual. However, they told me that she was much slower to learn Spanish than the other 2 and then for a considerable amount of time would mix all three languages in her speaking - so might start a sentence in English and finish in French. They said they just kept talking to her in their first languages and she picked it up eventually.

I hope it will work out for you but think you'll just have to speak to her consistently in your first language

Does she hear you speak Japanese? Maybe she thinks that you understand it? I've lived in countries where I don't speak the language and my young dc couldn't tell that I can't really speak the language.

She's only 4. I only learned Japanese when I was 8 despite my dad being Japanese. Until then I spoke English and my mother's native and tribal languages. As I got older the tribal language fell out of use but I can still hazard a good guess at what is being said nearly 40years later, so it does go in. I'm completely fluent and now learning 1 other European language and an Asian language. The sentence structure is so different between English and Japanese that I can see how she would pick the one that is easier depending on context. Just keep on talking to her in your mother tongue, she will retain the vocabulary. I have a friend whose children speak 4 languages to varying degrees and even though they use English in daily life, they speak to her in Spanish and their dad in Russian.

Thank you for replies! I speak in English with dh but we speak in our respective languages with dd, no English. I’m aware it appears that I “expect” too much but i don’t really expect, i guess more like I assumed that a child naturally differentiates between languages and so wondering about other people/children experiences.

I grew up in a two language household while living in a number of countries that spoke their own languages. For a while I couldn't/wouldn't speak to my DM other than in English or in the local languages.

My DM persisted and made sure we read stories in her language and had some home schooling with her at the weekends.

Eventually as we moved so often I forgot the local languages and am now fully bilingual in both. Keep speaking to your DD, it will pay off if you carry on.

My mum said she had this issue with me. My father spoke English and she spoke welsh. My parents would speak english together but my mum would speak welsh to me. When I was younger I would answer her back in English but now I speak to her in welsh.

We’re a bilingual family doing OPOL. Kids both have school language as their dominant language. 6 yr old has only really started speaking English since an extended visit to gEngland. Both understand everything in both, three yr old still mixes them up a lot.

Maybe watching Films, cartoons together in English will help. Relax and
absorb with you.

Very interesting and helpful to hear stories, thank you! Will keep talking in eu language. We go back to my home country every year for more than a month but due to family situation plus current global one will likely have close to two years break.

We're a bilingual family, my husband speaks English, I speak French, we live in an English speaking country. I've only ever spoken French to our children (7&10). They almost always replied in English to me until I started teaching them French at age 6 (reading, grammar, etc). It made a vast difference as they could then read books by themselves (it massively increased their range of vocabulary). The eldest now only speaks French to me and we've just started reading Harry Potter in French :-), the youngest still replies in both. It's a lot of work and they certainly don't always come skipping when I call them for their lessons but it's so worth it. Keep reading, watching TV and talking in your language but when your child is ready, teach them the language, it will really help.

My daughter is nearly 4. Before locked down she was speaking only english despite having good understanding of her 2nd language. Now she is home all the time with my DP who only speaks in 2nd language to her she has started using it alot more. So I would encourage you to just keep talking to her as much as possible singing, stories anything!

It is confusing for an adult to speak 2 3 languages a day, it gives me headache to switch from one to another.. I forget words and phrases all the time.. today i called a "chicken carcas" a "chicken corpse" in my onw language, so it is hardwork and you must know it from your own experience. Give her time without putting too much pressure and she will be a master of them all sooner or later. For now it is baby steps...

I meant to add, don't make her repeat in your language but do repeat what she said in your language as in :
Child in JP : I would like some bread.
You in EU language : oh you want some bread, here is some.
Etc .. otherwise like someone else said, it puts them off.