My child doesn’t speak in my (minority) language

[caraway33]

It’s a long one, sorry! Just wondering if anyone experienced similar in multilingual families and what was the outcome in the long term.

We speak in 3 languages at home. English between me and dh, Japanese between dd and dh (he is jp, we live in Jp) and minority eu language (i’m being vague) between me and dd. I exclusively speak in my mother tongue no matter the context. She is just over 4. I think she is passive bilingual- understands well 2 (english to some degree) but for the last year, speaks only in Japanese and only few words in “my” language.
Before dd could speak jp and before kindergarten (a year ago) she used about 100 words in eu language, half as much in jp. Then and now, she doesn’t seem to differentiate between languages- speaks to anyone in the language she knows better, in eu language before and jp now. Her jp is rapidly expanding and as soon as she learns a jp word for something she only knew in eu, immediately stops using what seemed to be an established vocabulary in eu language.
My worry is this.
I know many people with bilingual families and read on the topic, but all kids seems to get different language concept. It doesn’t appear to be so in dd case. If I ask her to repeat something in “my” language, most of the time she says the same thing but very slowly in Japanese- cute but it also frustrates and saddens me.
They are not complicated sentences and all words she used to know before but has been “swallowed” by jp. Like “I want ice-cream”. It looks like she is not able to connect words into sentences. Can only repeat something if i say word by word. Often pronunciation is garbled, even if could say it quite well previously.
My jp level is just a bit above hers and fear that before long we won’t be able to have a meaningful conversation. I want to speak with her not in Japanese which I should learn better for many reasons, but have no emotional connection.

Another concern is that sometimes i get very conscious with dd’s jp chatter and insist on her repeating everything in eu language but in return our exchanges looses spontaneity and i’m afraid this might reinforce anxiety in her or/and put off eu language altogether.

A problem with improving exposure to my minority eu language is just that- it is a minority language, full stop. Especially in such far flung country.

What are your experiences with teaching minority language? How much exposure do you provide to achieve positive outcome? Has anyone experienced difficulties with understanding/accepting different language concept?

Thank you! Sorry for the typos etc.

Have sent you a dm

My husband is an Arabic speaker and my native is English. From the day my sons were born, DH has always spoken to them in Arabic and me in English. As soon as they started speaking they would just automatically speak in Arabic to their Dad and me English, they change effortlessly and don't even think about it. I did a lot of reading about it at the time and the advice was to speak to your children in your native language, never in the other language even more so if you are not competent enough in the other language as sometimes they can end up with some weird hybrid language. Not my opinion and there are no doubt differing opinions but that just stuck in my mind

My eldest went to a German International school for a while so this language was added to the mix for a while.

At age four, I would definitely get into the habit of speaking in only your language to your child, read books in your language. watch cartoons and TV in your language. It will come together. Try not to use the dominant language, Japanese with them, leave that to your husband.
For us the hardest bit has been teaching them to write both languages. Lots of people are bilingual in speech but fewer are fluent when it comes to writing. The writing take a lot of hard word and sometimes one language may dominate at the expense of the other. Good luck x

Thank you everyone for sharing experiences and advice!
@Tralala45673 yes, this is what i do as a default- confirming in eu language what dd says in jp. Just in the last couple of days I sometimes insist on her actually saying it in my language, but yeah it doesn’t feel like a good approach (although read in one of the books as a valid option).

Only speaking from our experience :-) with regard to asking them to repeat. I found my youngest would then stop talking to me as soon as she could and like you said you want to keep communicating as much as possible. I agree with previous poster about writing being harder than talking but very rewarding in the end. Keep persevering , it is worth it. x

I haven't had time to read everything, but just to add

• there is a known effect in studies of bilingualism where children are slower to learn from a single speaker (i.e. only 1 family member who speaks the minority language). So if you want to encourage the EU language, try to connect with anyone else who speaks the same language - a group in Japan or a grandparent on skype or similar. the more your child hears a variety of people speak the language and hears you talking to other adults in the language, the more she can learn.

My friend grew speak Dutch, German and English in Zambia. She says for a couple of years she would only speak in English even though it was Dutch at home, German with friends.

I wonder if it's actually a normal phenomena with DC of that age whilst it "gets sorted" internally.

To be honest, I'd be teaching her English too as it's spoken in the most countries and as such is an advantage. Plus it's a tricky one to learn, so the earlier the better. I'd also be concentrating on learning Japanese yourself- maybe try speaking to DH in that instead of English to practice- because it's the local language and it's really nice for kids not to have to translate for their mothers with school teachers etc.

From what I've seen from bi-lingual offspring (even when adults), it's pretty common to have a mother speak in their home language and then the kids respond in the local one. I wouldn't worry, she'll be taking it in.

I know a family that when they lived in England spoke German in the house and English elsewhere and then reversed it when living in Germany.

I think your DH should speak to DD in English as she gets her JN input outside the house and you speak your home tongue to her.

Sorry have t read the thread but wanted to impart my two words of wisdom: I lived abroad in different countries and know/knew many bi/tri lingual families. It was very common for the child to take a long time to start speaking as expected. There would be worry etc and then, bam! The child would be chatting away between each of the languages it had been raised with.

When we lived in Russia, there was a German/Portuguese family with a Russian only speaking nanny, whilst English was used to communicate with other expats. Each adult would speak in their language to the child and the child always replied in English - the least used language around the house! Go figure!

Fascinating! it’s very helpful to hear other people perspectives, thank you for taking time to share. Funilly enough I learned myself a second language as a kid but completely don’t remember how that happened. Hardly used it since early teens but can still speak fairly well when neeeded and understand everything more than 20 years later, so somehow naively assumed language kind of “happens”. It’s only just begining for dd but her recent JP language expansion (during lockdown of all times, when technically is less exposed to local community language) took by surprise, or more like, my emotional reaction to lack of expressed “my” language surprised me...After too many years away from home country- the whole Europe (i.e. western mindset, culture), moments like this make me very homesick. Sounds very self obsorbed but obviously I will try to guide dd’s learning process without inflicting my personal feelings/agenda.