I don’t know how to help this person and need advice please

[Dontknowhowtohelp1]

Hi

I have been speaking to someone on my Facebook Covid support group. She is in physical and mental distress and I don’t know how to help.

She has had a lot of abuse and trauma in her past, and is now shielding due to her physical condition. However for reasons connected to the abuse she has suffered (if I understood correctly) she has been isolated at home for many months.

She has tins of food at home but can’t manage to swallow and has lost a lot or weight. Her GP has given her milkshake sachets but she can only manage one of those a day.

She has a mental health worker that she speaks to once a week who says that she needs to keep fighting and be strong.

She is very depressed and says that she doesn’t see the point in continuing.

I don’t know how to help her. I don’t live near her. I said that if she is not eating at all she might have to be admitted to hospital but she is scared of leaving her two cats.

I suggested that she post here for support but she didn’t manage to register so I am doing it for her and will show her this thread. I know that people on here have a lot more knowledge than I do.

Thank you.

Her mh service will have a crisis phoneline, she needs to use it. Is her inability to eat physical or emotional? Does she have a diagnosed ongoing eating disorder perhaps? Tbh there is a limited amount you can or should do for her online.

Just bumping this thread as I need urgent advice please. She is messaging me saying there is no point in carrying on .

I got the impression that it is emotional and related to anxiety. I have spoken to her on the phone. I will say about the crisis helpline.

Are you in the Berkshire area? I'm wondering if it is the person I am thinking of.

Is this someone you actually know, or just an online thing?

I'd just leave it to the services who are aware oif them, and step away.

You don't want to feed into the drama of the thing.

Crisis phone line (you can phone it if you don't think she will) and if you are very worried the police may do a welfare check (and may be better equipped to persuade her to engage with other help)

She is someone from a Facebook support group who reached out for help this morning.

I don’t know her but it’s not an anonymous thing.

No not Berkshire.

I wouldn't believe everything you read/are told on the net. Crisi phoneline.

I will ask her if I can phone the Crisis helpline on her behalf or should I go ahead and do it as I have her name and phone number?

I spoke to her on the phone.

She could't be anyone, and so could you.

Don't stoke the drama.

Bumping for urgent help ten minutes after your first post is ridiculous.

Are you sure you know who she is? Unfortunately sometimes people with mh issues are not always reliable with what advice they have been given or their situation.

Sorry to hear this OP. The GP, the crisis team (sometimes can be accessed via 111) or the Samaritans are the right contacts.

However I really wanted to check in with you. I’m sorry she is going through this, but you are not, nor can you be, responsible for her mental health. If she chooses to end her life it is her decision and absolutely not your fault or even anything to do with you. You see here, and in life, women being dragged into difficult circumstances by their ex partners threatening suicide- I am not saying this is the same thing, but take care of yourself.

I really don’t need to be criticised.

I phoned her because she asked for a phone call and I know how lonely this period is for so many people (including me) so I did. But I am not equipped to help her. She has since been sending me messages saying that she is done and there is no point.

In no way do I want to stoke the drama but I can’t just leave it.

(That was in answer to @Unshriven).

Thanks for the subsequent messages.

I have told her to call an ambulance if she feels that bad but she says they do nothing and that she can’t leave the house.

Noone is criticising you. However you need to accept your limitations and signpost her to seek support in rl.

Actually you can just leave it, and not stepping away suggests that you are spectacularly lacking in perspective.

Can you really not see how off she/you are coming across to those of us with healthy boundaries?

OP, I dont want to belittle this woman or her mental health issues. She may genuinely be reaching out for help...

However, you need to be aware that there are certain sorts out there ('vulnerable/I'm a victim' narcissists for example) who do and say things like this for narcissistic supply. They cause distress in others in order to get a buzz.

They want you to worry 24/7 about them. Texting you stuff like 'life isn't worth living' ect...I'm sorry but I think you might be dealing with one of them.

She has other ppl looking out for her. Even someone whom has an actual job to do it.

Please, direct her to the samaritors or similar and then take a step back from this. It has 'energy vampire' written all over it.

I have messaged her all the different options she has that I have been told on this thread so thank you for that advice. That’s what I needed. Other than that I will leave it.

And @Unshriven would you really ignore someone who was saying these things to you? Not even signpost them in the right direction?

I agree with the energy vampire bit. Theo my work I've come across loads of 'that won't work because....' types and like others have said, they've had the therapy, they've got the meds, they just won't help themselves. I remember learning this in a tough way when I ran myself ragged to help a lady only to find she had others all doing the same! My support was dwindling but shed already found another supply.

Please, direct her to the samaritors or similar and then take a step back from this. It has 'energy vampire' written all over it.

Okay. Thank you.

I'd never give my time to someone who pulled that rubbish in the first place OP.

I am very good at spotting manupulators.

You’re being utterly manipulated here op. Even from reading your thread title, I guessed it would be someone threatening suicide. It’s a pattern of behaviour that’s easy to spot if you’re aware of it. Don’t get sucked in. Direct her towards official channels and then STEP BACK. Don’t get drawn into “my support worker wants me to go to hospital but I can’t leave the cats” or “she said there’s nothing they can do for me” or “they can’t do anything as it’s the weekend” etc.
Having directed her towards help, I suggest you block her.

Yes okay I agree. That I am being manipulated. I will step back. It’s the first time this has happened to me hence my questions / worry.

Thanks for the messages.