If you were bullied, does it affect you today?

[pearl24]

I was bullied at school and it's affected me ever since and probably always will. I was told I look like a man by a boy, who got others to join in. I'll never forget a boy walking past me when boys were told to leave the classroom for lunch. He said 'why don't you lead the way?'

As a result I'll always feel ugly. And unfeminine. They were only around 13/14 when they did this but I hate them even today. I've seen their profiles on Facebook, they have wives and children now. I wonder how they would feel if their children were treated like that, or what their wives would think about their bullying past.

Bullies are the scum of the earth and I'll never understand why people want to upset others. It's never even entered my mind to bully someone.

Sorry you had those experiences, OP. Yes, I was bullied, but it only bothered me at the time because I thought my (very rough) school was going to be representative of my life. When you’re a naive 14 year old who’s barely left her home town, you think the pecking order of school is going to be replicated in post-school life. Fortunately, it’s not. The bullies have had the kind of life they deserved, and so have I.

I was bullied by a bunch of girls. I was thinking about this only the other day, actually, because I think it has totally affected my life.

I never feel good enough, or likeable enough despite massive evidence to the contrary. I never expect people to want to be with me. I think it results in me keeping people slightly at a distance.

The bullying was less name calling and more exclusion. No one would talk to me, group work in class was always difficult as no one would want to work with me (apart from the boys, who were always fine and never bothered with it all).

It went on for about a year from the age of about 11-12 until I was moved classes away from the Queen Bee who mainly orchestrated it. I had no problem with friends after that, but I think it made me believe that there's something wrong with me - or why would I have been singled out?

It's awful what children can do to one another.

That's awful op, so sorry you suffered.

I was never bullied thankfully but about 14 fell out with the popular girls and I was the main one with another- I broke away with a quieter girl as we didn't like how 2 faced and nasty the popular girls were getting. All the boys shit stirred so it was a massive break up all the school & teachers knew about.
Some girls said nasty things for a while and tried to intimidate me when I was in lessons without my new friends.

I thank god my mum had brought me up a little spoilt in the sense that when I was called a slag, it didn't bother me as I knew I wasn't - what bothered me more was the audience of other kids watching. I didn't think I was gods gift lol but believed I was pretty and nasty comments really didn't affect me but told me they were jealous. Rightly or wrongly it worked for me and my mental health. Thankfully I'd also been popular for good reasons before all this which had boosted my confidence.

Not thought about that for years.
I hated school anyway.

I dread my child being at school.

I was bullied all through High School, verbal and physical, it was relentless. I will never forget it, it means I can't look back with any sort of fondness of that time.
I never told my parents, it really would have made things worse. I never saw any of them again after I left.

When DS 1 started getting bullied I got him into another school within a few months, I wasn't going to let him have my experience.

Yes. My group of friends completely turned on me when I was 15. My life at school was a misery and there was no particular reason, the ringleader just decided I was boring and the others fell in line.

30 years later I always expect relationships to eventually fail when people discover.that I'm not worth their time. Every friendship that runs its course confirms it. I get worried and anxious if I dont hear from friends, I assume I've done something wrong.

Boys at school were pretty vile to me too. Theyd make vomiting noises when I went past - cos I was so ugly. As a result I've never believed someone who says they fancy me. If I was asked out I would assume they were either having a joke or just desperate for a shag. My only relationship was with someone incredibly persistent...who eventually left me out of the blue 10 years later. And so it goes on.

A lot of verbal bullying in primary school, teasing, being left out. Followed me to secondary school where again, being left out, people generally taking the piss out of me, name calling. Nothing really physical apart from one girl kicking me and because I tried not to react kept on doing it. For some reason up until 6th form I was desperate for the popular kids to like me, fuck knows why. It took until a trip abroad where 2 popular boys turfed all of mine (and my friends) stuff out of our coach seats into the aisle for people to trample over because they wanted to sit there. Everyone took their sides, even the teachers, told us to sit at the front and not cause a "fuss". Didn't care after that.

But it affected me, people at uni tolerated me but thought I was a weirdo, I could go through a whole day with no one talking to me. One awful day we had to get into groups and no one wanted me. I had to choose a group to join, utterly humiliating. We had a xmas party and again no one talked to me, I spent most of the night hiding in the toilet on the phone. No lifelong uni mates for me.

Thankfully I had a small group of friends in school and still friends now. Most of my other friends I know through DH who is a social butterfly. I clam up in group situations, crap at small talk. I just don't let people get close to avoid rejection which is daft. I'm nice, I'm funny. But I dwell a lot on things I've said, was I too much, or not enough etc. I'd love to be like DH but I always bail.

DD is only 2, but any hint of bullying in future and I'll be on that shit like a ton of bricks mind, I do not want what happened to me to happen to her.

I was bullied for a long time, kind of just ongoing exclusion, name calling and being treated as though I was weird and 'other' and there was something wrong with me.

Which is exactly how I still feel. I am very independent and don't rely on others which I think comes in part from trying very hard to show that if the others didn't want me, I didn't need them.

it was not habitually physical apart from a couple of occasions but I think that was more due to me being pretty tall and solid so not easy to physically push around than any code of honour at our school.

I was bullied by a girl quite badly. I was too afraid to go to school as she would attack me. I looked at her facebook not that long ago and smiled inside at the fact of how crap her life is (don't judge me she made my life hell).

Yes it affects you everyday. At the time you think that those people will suffer and get their karma. But the truth is they don’t ...not from what I can see. They’ve got friends, partners etc. While there’s me friendless, low self esteem etc. Those that have never been bullied or made fun of don’t realise how lucky they are. I don’t believe Anyone can fully get over it. You can be fine one minute but then the next it pops into your head and all the names and things that people have made fun of you start circling around your head.

i was bullied in primary school i have GAD and take anti depressents and anxiety meds

Yeah, I was bullied but more excluded. I struggle with friendships and am quiet around dominant personalities even now. I’m quiet in groups and don’t feel people want my opinion even though in smaller groups or one to one I’m fine to express these.

I’ve been made a deputy manager but still struggle because of these childhood experiences because I can get defensive and back of from potential confrontation. On the plus side taking this role has meant I’ve been made to face these things and pick them apart so I can do my job. It’s not easy though.

I wasn't horrifically bullied but for many years at secondary school I was mocked, laughed at, singled out, the butt of so many jokes. I was shy anyway and this behaviour made me feel like a complete freak. Like everyone else at school was normal and I was this weird, inept, boring, lifeless creature. It affected my confidence for many years - well in to my 20s and even my early 30s. However, I'm now 45 and I think I'm over it. I'm still shy and quiet and don't have a huge amount of confidence but I think that's just me - not the bullying. It was these characteristics that caused the bullying in the first place. I can now look back at the bullying with adult eyes and view it all objectively (not emotionally). I wasn't THAT weird, just shy! The bullies weren't evil people, just silly, immature teenagers wanting to make their mates laugh at my expense. When I think of it in this way I realise it was all no big deal - despite the fact it had a devastating effect on my life for many years. What helped me get over it was seeing that people actually liked me during my 20s and 30s. People wanted to my friend, I made lots of friends. The weirdness I thought I had people either didn't see or they liked it - my lovable quirks, I made them laugh in a good way. I became comfortable in my own skin. I accepted the fact I was shy, I accepted my "weirdness" and realised I'm actually no more weird than anyone else. I don't care if some people don't like me. There are enough people that do.

Yes, it’s affected my whole life.

I left school at 16 because of it and because I was wary of groups of people I always took jobs where I worked on my own, or jobs where I was a temp working at a place for 2-3 days max before moving on to the next place. It meant I never made any friends at work.

Because I never had friends growing up I never learned about friendships anyway, so I’m terrible at them. If I do meet someone I like I just don’t know what to do to maintain a friendship. It’s easier to be alone.

I’m also ultra sensitive to other people - any change in mood etc and o leave well alone for fear of being rejected again.

I was always on the outside though from about 6 years old, was bullied by teachers (wrong colour growing up in a rural part of the England in the early 1980s). I was an only child to older parents who never had many friends themselves so it was hard all round.

I’ve never had a group of friends to have nights out with as a teenager, or to go on holiday with, travelling etc. So I missed out on everything a ‘normal’ young person would do. It still makes me so sad looking back.

Yes, in that I never felt comfortable with boys my own age, I thought grown men were safer. I was sort of right, my ex didn't engage in the embarrassment factor of calling me fat, throwing spiders and daddy long legs etc at me, hiding my books, but he was abusive in other ways. But then my lovely DH was even older than him and was my perfect man.

Being bullied as an adult at work also affected me in that I became a union rep, discovered my backbone and now don't take any shit. I'm still better at defending others than myself though.

I am considering allowing my 11 year old to be homeschooled to avoid this.

She is very shy. She hates speaking in class/having any attention on her and suffers with confidence.

I am in a position to home educate her - I do worry that she will miss out on the positive social side to school but also remember a lot of years in secondary school suffering..before I found my 'group'.

She is far less confident than I was and although she has a couple of close friends at primary she has already found it hard to cope with the playground dramas.

I probably would have stayed on for A Levels if it wasn’t for the bullying. Like a PP I was singled out and they actually came looking for me to bully every day.
It all worked out in the end, I have never been bulllied at work (except by one person years ago who bullied all the younger staff which somehow made it better as it wasn’t me being picked on).

@maudspellbody your experience is so similar to mine. It was humiliating being excluded from class work groups. For four years, people would crowd 8 round a four person desk in lessons to avoid sitting with me - I’d be sat on a huge table on my own while they were crowded round. Not one teacher ever said anything.

@Connie222 that is heartbreaking

Yes, I was bullied in primary school and high school and it's affected me massively and still does.
Id like to write more but I actually don't feel strong enough to say more at the moment! Very silly I know but may come back to the thread at some stage, I feel it could be good to write it all out.
Im terrified that my child could one day be bullied/be a bully.?

I was bullied at primary school and it still affects my life. Other people think my bully is a nice person and she probably is now but to me she will always be that nasty little girl.
Someone who I attended primary school with recently got in touch via social media about forming a group for ex pupils.I joined but when someone mentioned my bully's name and asked if anyone was in touch with her I became very anxious.

The thing about childhood bullies Is that it would be no good having it out with them now as they have either forgotten or don't care, it's them as a child you wish you could go back in time and get the better of.

Yes.
I was excluded and bitched about at school. I ended up leaving at 15, the school weren't able to stop the girls concerned and said as I was bright I'd be ok.

30 years on it still gets to me a bit. Although I'm quite chatty when I see one of the girls concerned, she wasn't the ring leader and I genuinely don't have any bad feelings toward her.

I can identify with previous posters... I was badly bullied through secondary school, in the early 1980's so brutal. Just kept my head down and endured. Not physical bullying, it was name calling, ridiculing in front of class, mainly by boys, I can still feel that awful burn of humiliation. Yes it affected me. No confidence, I believed I was different and that college, uni, boyfriends was something that other people did, not me. Took a long time to realise I was just as good as them. It's crippling really. I was bullied at home too by an older brother. I get a bit cross sometimes now when I think, why didn't anyone help me? Teachers saying Oh Fleamaker, she's very shy, well yes she bloody well will be.. I still struggle a bit now, I don't like a lot of attention focussed on me, don't like arguing or conflict, worry that I've upset people. On low days I think everyone still views me as a bit of a boring weirdo.

And yes being left out of groups, when you're the last one left and hearing the groan when you have to join the group. Why did the teacher let that happen?!