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Original poster

Dh thinking of going past time, what are your thoughts?

48 replies

LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 15:33

DH is thinking of going part time (at work, not as my husband obviously!). We have a 8 month old baby and we live in London (expensive, but we have been here a while and have found good tips and tricks to make this work for us, no plans on moving anytime soon). Also we both work in London and don’t have to commute very far for work. We are a very close couple and enjoy our time together; despite lockdown feeling tough we have really enjoyed having time to be a couple again since having a baby. Also, dh has loved spending more time with the baby. I’m still on maternity leave and due back in September. However, I can work from home; we trailed this before going on leave and it’s been great, so nothing new there. Dh has always wanted to work 4 days a week so he is able to spend more time at home. So he casually spoke to work and they said if he is serious, they would consider doing so from September. This would allow me to resume my training as a psychologist.

We worked out that financially it would not heavily impact us, and we feel this outweighs the small pay cut as we both enjoy watching baby grow.

I personally cannot see any negatives to this but I’m just thinking maybe I have rose tinted glasses on. So maybe a fresh perspective would give me something to consider if I missed anything. Any thoughts?

Love, rainbon.

OP posts:
lemonsandlimes123 · 04/05/2020 15:35

Sounds like a great plan. Contrary to what MN seems to suggest it is possible to have a happy marriage to a hands on father and a good work life balance whilst being financially secure. Crack on is my advice, going to work is overrated as a way to pass the time!

Thelnebriati · 04/05/2020 15:38

This would allow me to resume my training as a psychologist.
That would increase your future earning potential, so it would be worth a risk.
If something went wrong, how easily could he return to full time work?

Original poster
LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 15:43

@lemonsandlimes123 thank you! I think I have read so many forums of how this can’t be the case I’m looking for it myself! I agree too! I know personally of people who go to work to escape their partners etc not for financial reasons. We’d love to spend even an extra hour as a family so I think this would be a good call for us.

OP posts:

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SimonJT · 04/05/2020 15:46

It’s a good idea, I’m a lone parent so a bit different.

But I cut down so I do four short days, I don’t work Fridays, as I do short days I can do the morning drop off and my son is only in after school club until about 4:45. Having Friday off means I get some time to myself, I always intend to be productive, but that usually goes out the window.

Original poster
LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 15:47

@Thelnebriati yes, that is correct and one of the reasons why I’d like to continue the training as once LO is at school I can go into that full time. I think work would take him back on full time fairly quickly as they always need people Smile

OP posts:
ExpletiveDelighted · 04/05/2020 15:50

Sounds good to me, are you going back full time? Have you got childcare sorted?

VodselForDinner · 04/05/2020 15:51

I think it sounds great.

Assuming that your child will be in nursery while you’re both working, you’ll save the cost of a fifth day each week of childcare which will offset your husband’s decrease in earnings.

Only concern would that you’d feel left out if you’re working and your husband and baby have the day together to do nice things?

DCIRozHuntley · 04/05/2020 15:52

Sounds a fantastic way to balance everyone's needs in the family. However -and this may depend on your ages - perhaps consider paying into a pension for DH if possible, and think about some sort of income protection or critical illness insurance for you as the main earner, if feasible

MrsMoastyToasty · 04/05/2020 15:54

Is there an opportunity to work compressed hours (fitting 5 regular days into 4 longer ones)?

Eskarina1 · 04/05/2020 15:58

My dh went down to 4 days a week when our dts were babies, allowing me to go back to work affordably. He was only allowed 6 months but it was fantastic. Better for him, better for me and much better for them. You can afford it, his work are happy, it benefits your career and it lets him be a more involved dad - 100% do it.

Plus the more men who do this, the more employers in traditionally male industries will agree to it and the less women will have to take the full career hit. I may be bitter that my husband has been turned down more than once for flexible working because basically he has me.

ExpletiveDelighted · 04/05/2020 16:00

The other thing is, will you be able to work efficiently on the day your DH and DC are at home? Do you have a spare room or study you can shut yourself away in?

LycraLovingLass · 04/05/2020 16:00

it sounds ideal and of you can afford it then go for it.

Percephone · 04/05/2020 16:04

My husband and I both work 4 days a week now. It works out really well and feels much more equal.

TwoDrifters2 · 04/05/2020 16:04

From the day our first child was born, my husband dropped down to a 4-day week and we’ve never looked back!

Sure, a 20% drop in income wasn’t particularly pleasant, but we’ve never regretted it for a second, and you learn to do without the things you don’t really need.

(I do of course appreciate this isn’t financially viable for everyone and we have been incredibly fortunate to be able to do this. We budget carefully and don’t have an amazing house, car or exotic holidays. We live in an East End flat and try to buy sensibly and sustainably. I’m sure there are areas we can still improve in!)

It’s lovely being able to have a “family day” once a week that isn’t impacted by the usual weekend routine of shopping, cleaning, washing, tidying, DIY, visiting family etc. A day that’s just for us.

Time spent with babies, toddlers and young children is such a fleeting joy, you’ll never get those years again and I guarantee you won’t regret it in years to come.

Dyrne · 04/05/2020 16:06

YY to making sure you have clear boundaries set on the days you’re working from home and DH is home with the baby.

You need to make clear they can’t be popping in every 5 seconds to “see mummy”.

It sounds like a lovely setup and if you can make it work financially then absolutely go for it!

Have a thought about how long it will be for - have you planned finances into the future? Will it go into when DC is at school? Is his work flexible enough that he could pick up an extra day if something happened to your earnings?

You don’t have to be concrete on all future plans, but at least discuss it so you’re vaguely on the same page!

AnotherEmma · 04/05/2020 16:09

Sounds great!
My DH went part time (4 days a week) when I returned to work after maternity leave. I am part-time too, so DS has some time with each of us as well as at nursery. It works brilliantly for us. DH's day with DS is wonderful for their relationship, DH (usually) takes him to a group and they've made good friends there. Plus it's been very good for the relationship between DH and I, as co-parents and in general - it just helps us to feel equal and that we're a team.

More men should do it! (I realise not every couple can afford it, especially if the man is the higher earner, but if you can afford it, it's great.)

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 04/05/2020 16:11

This sounds like the Dutch 'Papadag' idea. It seems to be a popular arrangement in the Netherlands!

www.cnbc.com/2019/08/29/dutch-fathers-play-a-big-role-in-raising-the-happies-kids-in-the-world.html

FizzyGreenWater · 04/05/2020 16:12

I have to say I just clicked becaaue I wanted to know what on earth you meant about your DH going 'past time'

I wondered if you were going to say that he'd announced his intention to live to 150 and go past his time and you were worried about it Grin

MaggieFS · 04/05/2020 16:13

If the finances work then why not? Great idea. We discussed this at length but because we don't have a 'main breadwinner' in the house, it was too much of an income hit to lose 20% from either of us, despite a minor saving in nursery fees. Good luck!

notalwaysalondoner · 04/05/2020 16:14

My only concern about going part time in the current climate is that it could put you at slightly higher risk of redundancy - you will miss some meetings, you won’t be as visibly “committed” as some colleagues etc. Obviously this is all bollocks but unfortunately the world still works like that and in a major recession you should go in with your eyes open that (a) the company may not let him go back full time if he changes his mind and (b) some managers could interpret it as a lack of commitment to your career and therefore put you higher up the mental list for redundancy. Hate to say it, but if he’s a man in a company where not many men are part time, this is even more true.

On the other hand, most employers would be biting people’s hands off who offer to to part time right now due to the savings. And in any other time I’d say 100% go for it, part time work is ridiculously limited to women right now and it’s amazing if he wants to do this. I also get his point about just wanting more life than work - I was considering going 4 days a week even before we got pregnant because of this.

blue25 · 04/05/2020 16:16

Impact on pension could be substantial and may mean early retirement is out of the question. Part timers will be the first to go if there are job losses.

Original poster
LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 16:40

@OutwiththeOutCrowd that was a lovely article and sounds very much our current set up, I love that, daddy’s day ☺️

OP posts:
Devlesko · 04/05/2020 16:54

I say go for it, you only live once and life is for living not just working with no energy or time for family life.
We took a similar type of decision, but with a sahm, it worked for us, and 30 years later neithr of us have any regrets.

Devlesko · 04/05/2020 16:56

I disagree that pt will be the first to go. They are cheaper and can be given a bigger workload. A company wanting to cut wages and save are likely to cull the higher up ft workers.
I think we'll see a lot of higher earners redundant.

Servers · 04/05/2020 17:00

Sounds like a good plan as long as you are both happy. The issue with dropping one day rather than working half the week though is that often it's expected that you do the same amount of work as you have been doing but with a day less to do it in; so he needs to be mindful of that. Maybe speak to anyone else who is part time in the business and see how they find it? Why not though, if you can afford it and it will provide a better balance then yes. Also disagree about part timers being the first to be made redundant.