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Original poster

Dh thinking of going past time, what are your thoughts?

48 replies

LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 15:33

DH is thinking of going part time (at work, not as my husband obviously!). We have a 8 month old baby and we live in London (expensive, but we have been here a while and have found good tips and tricks to make this work for us, no plans on moving anytime soon). Also we both work in London and don’t have to commute very far for work. We are a very close couple and enjoy our time together; despite lockdown feeling tough we have really enjoyed having time to be a couple again since having a baby. Also, dh has loved spending more time with the baby. I’m still on maternity leave and due back in September. However, I can work from home; we trailed this before going on leave and it’s been great, so nothing new there. Dh has always wanted to work 4 days a week so he is able to spend more time at home. So he casually spoke to work and they said if he is serious, they would consider doing so from September. This would allow me to resume my training as a psychologist.

We worked out that financially it would not heavily impact us, and we feel this outweighs the small pay cut as we both enjoy watching baby grow.

I personally cannot see any negatives to this but I’m just thinking maybe I have rose tinted glasses on. So maybe a fresh perspective would give me something to consider if I missed anything. Any thoughts?

Love, rainbon.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 17:00

Thank you for all the different perspectives and taking the time to read. Just to clarify a few things to answer any questions. I will be training through work now and will receive a salary of a trainee psychologist where I will be earning more than what I was previously on. This would kick in from September, when dh would go down to 4 days, that’s why his pay cut will not impact as much. Dh works in a public sector with and in a worse case scenario has the qualifications to go elsewhere as he works in a demanded job.

I do have a private office space at home but we have said that if it feels like this isn’t working my mum is down the road with a spare room/makeshift office (my old room!) which she is happy for me to use.

We would trial it for a year, which is what work has agreed on and then see from there. Our goal is that by dc is at school I will be fully qualified.

OP posts:

Dyrne · 04/05/2020 17:07

I’m so jealous OP - it sounds like you have the ideal setup planned!

Breadandroses1 · 04/05/2020 18:02

DP has been 4 days a week since our youngest was born and has done SPL with both. I do a 5 in 4 compressed week as I have the sort of job where I'm expected to do 5 but would be paid for 4, where he has a much more 'leave it' job (I'm also the higher earner).

It's great- saves loads on childcare, leaves the weekends free for more fun and means it's not so annoying to fit things in like Drs appointments. It also sets a fantastic example to your kids of shared care.

It's good if you can both be flexible- he takes leave if I have to travel to cover 'my' day and we occasionally swap days if needed. Most jobs have days that are not so busy with meetings.

It's not at all unusual where I work, loads of men do 4 day weeks.

We plan to maintain it when both kids start school, which will give us a free day a week each as well.

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Redwinestillfine · 04/05/2020 18:06

Sounds like a great idea. No reason being work full-time if you don't have to.

notalwaysalondoner · 04/05/2020 18:10

If he’s public sector then I’d go for it - much less culturally rare there and so I’d doubt it would have a negative impact career wise.

MaggieFS · 04/05/2020 18:30

@Breadandroses1 On your four working days, do you manage to see your children? This was one thing DH and I looked at, as it's an option for him, but I already do drop off and pick up, but he gets back at 5.30 so gets to see DS and I get some help. I felt if he did compressed hours, even more would fall on me and he'd only just make it home in time for bedtimes.

CurlyEndive · 04/05/2020 18:32

I think it sounds like a great idea.

Breadandroses1 · 04/05/2020 19:01

@MaggieFS I take the youngest with me to work in the morning as she goes to nursery near my work so see a lot of her- if I work a full day though I don't get home till almost 7 and I leave at 7.15 am. So a longer day.

However- if he can work from home or his boss is happy for him to do emails in the evening etc that makes a difference. My work is very flexible (also public sector) I often work from home 1 day (we swap and DP does the nursery run that day, he does all the evening pickups anyway).

But yes I get the easier ride in the evenings! 5-7 is not a quality time slot with young kids.

BuffaloCauliflower · 04/05/2020 19:06

Sounds like a perfect set up!

Original poster

LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 19:16

Thank you all for taking the time to respond and for the positive and helpful feedback. We have worked hard and have gone through a lot in the past 4 years, I think this could really be the start of something great and fresh starts. I’m glad to see it work out for many of you too I’m actually feeling really excited about this potentially happening! Let’s see what happens from here, I shall keep you updated... 😆

OP posts:

CountFosco · 04/05/2020 19:17

DH and I have both worked PT (0.8 FTE each) since DD1 was a baby. DH did go back FT when I was on maternity leave with the other DC and since the youngest started school we've increased our hours to 0.9 FTE. Worked really well for us. Don't understand why more couples don't do this TBH, think men make a lot of excuses to not work PT but it is really beneficial for the DC and the career of the woman in the relationship.

Original poster

LoveRainbow · 04/05/2020 19:20

@Dyrne I remember reading something a few years ago and thinking that sounds perfect, I bet I will never have that. Then few years passed, life happens and things change and fall into place. I didn’t think it could happen, but it did. So I hope you get your perfect set up too, however that may be ☺️

OP posts:

ConnieDoodle · 04/05/2020 19:25

My dh compressed his days into four and had mondays with our dd when i went back to work full time. It really helped him grow in confidence.

Eachpeachpearbum · 04/05/2020 19:25

My DH works part time since I went back to work (also part time) after maternity leave. We prepared for this and live in a smaller house in a cheaper area, tight grip on our outgoings and not many luxuries and it obviously affects our earnings, but not too differently than if I was a SAHM and DH worked full time. It was just important to us that DC was raised by both parents and also that they saw each parent doing both things - childcare and working. My DH is a much happier man for it and the time they have together on the days I'm at work is so good for both of them and I can go to work knowing DC is with their Dad.
I hate going to work and would be really happy to be a SAHM but that would force DH to work full time and I think it just denies him and my DC so much. Not had a negative effect on us at all, only positive! We will probably increase when DC are at school but looking at it it would still be easier for pick ups/drop offs if we kept our routine and that would mean it would still be us spending time with them not another carer. We'll be much less well off (well half as well off!) than we could be doing it this way but we are not destitute and we both feel we'll never get this time back. If you can I say do!!

Tigertrees · 04/05/2020 19:26

It didn't work well for us in that dh was great with the dc, but did not pick up the household jobs that I did when it was me who was p-t.
This led to increased resentment, and we swapped back. Plus I missed the dc massively, perhaps we could have worked it out if it wasn't for that, I don't know.

NotMeNoNo · 04/05/2020 19:32

We have teenage DC now but DH has always been a very involved dad. We were both 0.8 PT until a couple of years ago. The best thing it gives you is resilience, because you are both in the flow of parenting. Either can go to parents evening, cook tea or sort out uniform. If one of you needs to work more or less then the other can pick up family stuff.

Murraygoldberg · 04/05/2020 19:33

The only down fall I can see is pensions, I have toyed with the idea but rejected it as can afford a 20% fall in wages but not a fall in pension, I wish to retire early

BestIsWest · 04/05/2020 19:34

It worked well for us. DH loved having DS to himself.

When DC were a bit older and in school we both worked shorter hours over 5 days so we could pick up from school. It was brilliant.
DH (and me now) are public servants and it’s by no means unusual.

BestIsWest · 04/05/2020 19:37

If he’s Civil service then you’d only lose 20% for the years you were part time not off the whole of your pension.

Breadandroses1 · 04/05/2020 19:49

Yes and on the pension- you can do additional contributions, so you can add from the household pot. I keep nagging DP to do this but he hasn't sorted it out.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 05/05/2020 00:37

My husband and o both work compressed hours and he has no days off with our DS and I have Fridays off and then we use a childminder tues- thurs. it works really well and I think no ones really knows what it's like to have an off day at home wkth the baby until they've done it themselves

The individual days gives us both personal one to one time with our son and make our own routines

Sometimes on Mondays he goes for lunch with some of my Nct mums, without me and to soft play and he and they love it! Lols

Ilovetheseventies · 05/05/2020 08:42

Points to consider
He does his share of the boring things like cleaning
He doesn't consider the time off as his day off.
Bare in mind that as your family expands and children grow it gets expensive.
Re visit this plan to check its still working.
Sorry if I sound cynical but that money you wil not get adds up over the years.
I was too lenient in my marriage.

MiniChoc · 05/05/2020 14:15

Go for it OP. Happiness far outweighs money.

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