I'm finding the world of work really tough

[Trahil]

Hi, not really sure why I'm posting here other than the fact that I'm pretty sure this is a forum that my manager doesn't use so there will hopefully be no chance of him identifying me from what I write.

I graduated from university last year and started on a grad scheme at a corporate job in a big international firm in October. I was really excited at first and I was looking forward to starting and building new skills.

For context, my job is in an area that I have no prior experience in and virtually zero knowledge about before starting. I am in my early twenties.

I've been working on a project in a very small team for the last few months. I'm getting increasingly stressed because I feel so extremely out of my depth. I rarely understand what people are talking about in meetings and I'm using tools and creating presentations on material that I barely understand. All the people on my project are a lot older than me and more experienced and I can't help but compare myself to them. I dont even really know how to talk to clients by myself and I feel so intimated by them all, so I'm really quiet at work. I used to be so confident before starting this job but now I feel like I'm a shell of my former self. I've become extremely insecure and constantly doubt by ability.

My manager says that I'm doing well but I keep making silly mistakes. I really beat myself up after I make them, to the point that I've been having panic attacks and I'm crying almost every day whilst working. My manager tells me not to stress about these mistakes but I don't know if he's just being polite or if they actually are only minor mistakes that nobody else cares about as much as I do. I've been very careful to hide how im feeling because I don't want my manager to think I'm incompetent.

I'm not sure how to go forward with this. I'm paralysed by the fear of making a mistake that will make my boss realise that I should never have been hired in the first place. I feel like a fraud. I'm dreading work starting all over again next week and I'm really not sure how to cope.

Does anyone have any advice please?

Have you heard of imposter syndrome? Because it sounds awfully like that’s part of your issue.

It sounds like you could do with some more support. Is there an employee assistance program that will allow you to talk to someone about you worries? Any chance of you finding a mentor to provide advice on the day to day stuff?

Are you in contact with others on your grad scheme? Can you reach out to them for support? I guarantee you won't be the only one feeling like this (and the fact that you do is a sign of conscientiousness). About 3 months into my grad scheme I told my cohort Whatsapp group that I was weeping on my train home because I felt so useless. It turned out that LOADS of people around the country were feeling exactly the same way and we had a really comforting, supportive group chat. It's completely normal to feel out of your depth for the first few months but chin up, you're almost certainly doing better than you think you are x

Hi the corporate world is alien to me (NH Where obvs you have to have exp of job!). But in this increasingly competitive world of work your employers must absolutely have seen what they want for their company in you,agree with pp possiblity of imposter syndrome, hang in there!

Is there any kind of mentoring scheme there? Seems like it would be a big help for new grads.

Is there a way of learning the cooperate language? Being on a grad scheme, you should have a mentor, are they able to guide you through the processes?

Thank you all so much for replying. I signed up for the mentorship programme a few months ago but I haven't heard anything about it since, so I assume it may have all fallen by the wayside. I'm really close with a couple of people on the grad scheme but they're based in a different city to me. The people on my office on the grad scheme are mostly in their late twenties so they seem to have more confidence and experience.

Im unsure whether it is imposter syndrome or whether I am actually an imposter. I'm not sure whether I should speak to my manager about this or whether that would just make me look weak and reflect badly on me in his eyes. I don't really understand how the corporate world works entirely to be honest.

Are you in consulting? You mentioned clients?
Yes speak to others in the scheme - many of them will feel like this.
Honestly they will be very used to new grads who don’t know much yet. They won’t expect you to know it all. Many of them will have been in your shoes.
You are there to learn, they will be well aware of what you can manage.
You sound very worried and anxious - can you call up for a free counselling device through work. Confidential and food to talk through with someone objective.

I would contact the mentor scheme and follow up with them. Rather than speak to your manager yet.

It takes time to get the hang of things, several months to really get into the swing of any new job. They hired you because they saw you had the raw potential to become good and they believed you were worth investing time and effort in, not because you already knew everything needed! This kind of crisis of confidence is so normal in the early stages but you will grow into it, please don't be too hard on yourself

I've been at a similar sounding job for 13 years (Big 4, consulting, client facing etc). Everyone feels like that, most of the time. That's why everyone talks such bollocks in meetings! I always think that the best thing I've learnt as a I've got more senior is quite how much most people are winging it (including those I really respect and I think are experts). There's something very reassuring when someone senior turns round to you and asks whether what they just said made any sense at all because they had no idea what they're talking about! If you're manager says you're doing well, you are. In this kind of environment, there's very little patience for dead weight. You've got this!

The environment sounds very similar to where I work and honestly, you will get through this!!

When I started I was exactly the same, very low confidence and I genuinely didn’t like speaking to clients because I felt like I didn’t know anything (let alone enough that they would pay for my advice!).

I’m now heading to senior management and my advice is please wait until next years graduates start. You will suddenly realise just how much you know and have picked up in comparison.
Also, remember there is nothing wrong with not knowing something, you’re brand new! stay inquisitive and ask when you’re not sure - the whole time is a huge steep learning curve but at the same time, don’t be afraid to be proactive. Your job is to make your managers life easier, go to them with proposed solutions rather than just questions. Your solution might not be correct but it will show willing.

Be nice to people, be proactive and keep learning :)

OP you sound fine. I work with the grads at work all the time as I sit above them and a grad who is good but makes silly mistakes is the sort of grad I’m happy to work with as I know you’re getting the basics. It’s my colleague who was a grad intake a couple of years ago who has a complete lack of understanding of the role that I stress about.

When I first started working (a different job to my current one) I remember attending my first meeting where I was meant to be setting it all up and taking minutes!! The whole meeting was just beyond me. It flew over my head and I was mortified that the minutes would be empty because I didn’t manage to note any down. But there was a couple of lovely people at the meeting who said “give it a first go and we’ll look over it afterwards” that I was so grateful to! Some of your colleagues will be like this so don’t be afraid to reach out. FWIW I caught on very quickly at work and within 6 months was happily minute taking!

Thank you all. It is so reassuring to hear from people that they felt similar and that you don't think it sounds like I'm doing an awful job! I really worry about what the client thinks about me and whether they wonder why I've even been hired. But I know logically that they probably don't even think about me at all, I'm sure they all have their own worries to be dealing with.

For those of you who manage grads, at what point would you start to get really annoyed about silly mistakes and think about getting rid of them?

I felt like this when I started my grad scheme. I think most people do.

Sounds like everything is fine. Would an option be to ask for regular structured feedback from your manager in every 121, or after you have done a big piece of work so you can understand his/her perspective on your performance? I’m the kind of person who likes feedback very regularly and my boss is excellent at doing that.

I never get annoyed with grads unless they don't ask for help when they need it. Silly mistakes aren't the end of the world; if it was really noticeable then it might go in your feedback but everyone makes them and I can't get too worked up about them. I massively prefer silly mistakes to major fuck ups!

Silly mistakes aren't an issue, provided you are learning and making different mistakes.
Ask your manager for a mentor within your own team, it may be a development opportunity for them to support a more junior colleague. Ask questions if you don't understand, but make a note of the answers and don't keep asking the same questions. Read around the subject, articles, journals etc.
It has taken years for your colleagues to gain their expertise, respect that process. Lots of graduates have a shock entering the workplace, they go from being the best and brightest to literally knowing nothing.

I was a consultant and worked with /mentored many grads through the grad scheme over the years. You sound like you're doing just fine. I wouldn't expect meaningful client interactions just yet and clients know how it works. I would expect new hires to work hard, check over their work, ask questions (start with other grads, more experienced colleagues etc unless it is client specific) and take feedback on board.

It will get easier as you get to know your managers and client work style. Half of it is just buzzwords and most projects aren't reinventing the shell.

.. Reinventing the wheel.. Autocorrect!

Your manager sounds quite supportive so just speak to them. I manage staff and if someone is struggling would rather know so we can put things in place to support them rather than bumbling along and making an even bigger mistake in the future.

Just reinforcing that what's important is whether you're learning from your mistakes and to make sure you ask for advice or help when you need to (just as long as it's not always about the same thing).

All of us make silly mistakes when learning something new. Even your more experienced colleagues. And they'll make mistakes out of complacency too.
Don't be afraid of asking people to check your work either.
Even as when sending to client, assume that mistakes are possible and ask them to check your work too.
It's commonly done at senior level, certainly in Academia where I work. None of us assumes our work is perfect.

I've been with my company for over 20 years and it amazes me how reluctant even experienced people can be to ask what might be perceived as obvious or basic questions. They're afraid of looking silly, or they think there's some information they've missed and asking will reflect on their attention to detail or diligence.

I've learned to pipe up and ask now. And almost always someone else will say afterwards that they're glad I asked, or the person presenting will thank me for highlighting that there should have been additional information that's been left out.

I very much doubt you are the only one wondering what is going on sometimes, so speak up and ask if it isn't clear.

I second asking your manager for a mentor on your team, ideally one just a couple of years ahead of you. Ask them to debrief you immediately following meetings: it is very useful to be able to say "when they said X what did that mean?"

I also agree that many people don't fully understand things in meetings. I am as old as the hills and have spent the last thirty years in meetings being the one who sticks their neck out and asks the questions because if it is not clear to me it probably isn't clear to others either - trust me, it never is!

People now see me as the person who has a greater understanding of most issues - I don't, but I don't accept what someone says without querying it either.

And top tip when taking the minutes, if people are going round the houses in a meeting (very common) or if you just don't understand the point just say "can I ask one of you to confirm how you would like this point noted for the minutes" - suddenly they have to think and be concise.

We have 2 grads atm.

One is wonderful, we adore her. She tries, she asks to learn, she takes responsibility for her mistakes and tries to learn (she makes LOADS and we expect nothing else). We know she is at the very very beginning but she shows us she wants to learn and she's engaged.

The other seems bored. He doesn't ask questions. He is passive. He disappears and doesn't communicate well. He's a lovely lad and we're very fond of him but he clearly doesn't care when he makes mistakes.

I dont know if this anecdote will help.

20 years ago I was invited to do a special piece of work. I was flattered and curious. I joined in as one of a bunch of new people. It was hard. Really hard. Made worse by the fact Im a bit of a perfectionist and this job had an element of subjecivity to it. I got to the third day and cried. I had a great supervisor who took me aside and said I would be great at the work and I shouldnt feel this way. The leader also took time to speak to me about it. We discussed my worries and they gave me feedback. This bolstered my confidence to return to the room.

I am now, 20 years later, one of the leaders.

Others have mentioned imposter syndrome and I do think I had that too, reading about it. Please take some time to talk about your feedback and how you can improve on tje mistakes. Is there someone who can help review your work before it goes live, or that will act as your mentor?

I've been on a graduate programme & line managed graduates too. Agree with the comments stated,you likely know more than you think and I'm sure you have also developed lots of skills.

Can I ask what industry you work in? In my industry it's the norm to provide industry and organisational knowledge at the early stages of joining. Perhaps we could suggest some things you could do to increase your knowledge if we understood where you work.