Help needed please - either I am fat or I’ve got a problem

[WoeIsMee]

I recently went on a diet to lose weight after Christmas. It went well and I lost weight.
However.
I am feeling like I’m getting obsessed with my weight. I feel fat every day. I restrict calories and then end up eating loads then restrict again.
Some days I feel ok, then I’ll see a photo taken that day or catch sight of myself in a mirror and just be disgusted at how hideously fat I look.

I know I need to lose more weight to be as thin as I’d like but I can’t get a grip on how real that is?
Today I weigh almost the lowest I ever have as an adult but I still feel fat.

I’m rambling, sorry :( lockdown really hasn’t helped either.

How can I get perspective on this!?

I’m afraid it sounds a bit like you’re developing some kind of body dysmorphia. I’ve been feeling a bit like this recently. I have my goal weight but I’m wondering when I get there, will I stop?!

I just want to be like a normal person who can just eat things! I watched Friday Night Dinner last night and they said ‘shall we get an ice cream?’ then they all just got an ice cream...😂 ridiculous I know but I was just thinking I could never do that, I’d put too much weight on and have to starve for days.

DH is lovely but even he is getting slightly fed up of talking about weight and calories.

I think my husband is probably fed up of hearing about it too. And I still can’t see a difference in my weight but I’ve lost almost 3 stone. It’s a bit scary isn’t it.

Well done on your loss Puds.
But yes it is really scary. I’m under my target weight now and still going.

The irony is, I was a stone heavier when I started and I felt ok about it. Just thought I should try lose a little weight. Now I’m much lighter but I feel just the same if not bigger. I’m sure I am flabbier. I just can’t work out what’s real. Sounds nuts I know.

It's really easy to become obsessed. I found I almost felt worse when I lost weight because I couldn't relax. I was terrified of putting on weight and losing control of my eating. I don't know what the answer is. For me personally I've been liberated since doing 16/8. I don't obsess about calories or how much I'm eating. I just eat what I want when I'm hungry. I generally like healthy food but do eat chocolate, biscuits etc every day. I find as long as I only eat within the 8 hours I easily maintain my weight (or lose if that's my aim). I started dieting at 14. I'm now 45 and it's the first time in my adult life when I've been liberated from my obsession with food and weight.

Ramble away, it will help vent it.

You do sound like you are becoming disordered with body image and eating, recognising it is a great step.

I just think if I can go down another 7-8 pounds I’ll be ok. I don’t want to feel fat forever!
People tell me I look ok but they would. I’d post pictures here for some real genuine opinions but don’t want to out myself.

I don’t even know why it matters so much to me, I’m not vain. It just does for some reason :(

Well done for realising you may be starting to have a problem. That's surely the first step to not letting it develop.

Don't look at the lying mirror. Work out your BMI, if it's below 25 you're fine.
Weigh once a week for a reality check, no more.
Consider whether something like 16/8 would help you ditch calorie counting - it sounds like that's really not a good idea for you.

I’d post pictures here for some real genuine opinions but don’t want to out myself.

You could post height, weight, waist and hip measurements maybe, that would allow for more objective comments than photos anyway.

I think this could be a coping mechanism for the current situation. Avoidance. Your mind obsesses about this because it doesn't want to focus on other things, or because there isn't enough real life stimulation for your mind. I do this. bet you'll find some helpful books to 'undo' your negative thought patterns. You are quite wise to flag it now so that this doesn't develop into a serious eating disorder.
For your relationship, perhaps ban yourself from discussing food and calories. Increase yoga/Pilates/meditation.

I don't have any advice but just wanted to sympathise, I feel the same! I lost quite abit of weight a few years ago and was happy where I was. Then I decided to try and lose another half a stone which I have done but I feel fatter than ever! I am also at my lowest weight as an adult and well into a healthy BMI but every time I look in the mirror I seem flabbier despite clean eating and weight training. I feel ridiculous at nearly 40 to have this issue but wanted you to know you are not alone.

If you think you are getting obsessive about weight loss, do you think you could shift the obsession to healthy eating? Start focusing on developing and maintaining a lifelong healthy attitude to food by focusing on having a target of fresh fruit, veg, protein, complex carbs each day and then agree with yourself on a set number of treats each day or week. That way you'd be able to say, 'Yes let's have ice cream' without worrying, if you knew you had factored in dessert once or twice a week etc. That way you can allow for having fun without sliding back into unhealthy habits.

Thank you everyone. Nice to know I’m not alone

I’m 5’1 and 8st9. BMI puts me at the higher end of normal and I’d rather be the lower end but I would need to be 8st for that and I will have to really restrict to get there. But I feel like then I’d be able to stop??

I’m only short so weight really shows on me I do look very big in photos.

For your relationship, perhaps ban yourself from discussing food and calories. Increase yoga/Pilates/meditation.

Pilates is good if you're feeling a bit flabby too. If you've not done it before then it would be best to find an instructor who would do some online one to one sessions with you before joining an online class or using YouTube etc. (Lots of them are adapting to using zoom etc at the moment)

Obviously you don't want to replace calorie obsession by excessive workout obsession, doing Pilates with an instructor isn't too likely to lead to that I'd have thought)

I’ve been doing Kayla Itsines BBG and that’s definitely helping with the flab. That and Pilates as mentioned above.

I'm 5'1" too - I'm a bit over where I should be at the moment (bmi 25.6) and I don't look 'very big'. So I very much doubt you really do. Your BMI is 22.8, that's quite a bit below the upper end of the healthy range.

OP, please just have a look at the beat website - the thoughts & feelings you’re expressing aren’t great & there’s a risk that you’ll get to 8 stone and decide to go to 7:7, then 7 & then just keep moving the goalposts. Obviously I hope not. But I’ve seen it a lot.

Please look after yourself.

Thank you. I’ll have a look.
With the BMI I meant it’s in the top half of normal. Silly I know :(

No, it's not silly - you might prefer to be at or a bit below the midpoint. But where you are now is fine, and - as I think you know, from having started this thread - your state of mind is more important.

Thank you

Tbh you pick where you’re comfortable at, it’s not for others to comment?

I’m 5’4 and about 8’5. I like the way I look at this size or maybe 8’4so I maintain it (also I understand it’s harder to lose as one gets older so I’d rather be used to keeping here then going over). My clothes look better and I have more energy.

I was at 9’8 a few years ago and I felt puffy and wasn’t happy with myself (and I genuinely was overeating and not enjoying food/comfort eating )

It’s my body, my opinion. I enjoy food and exercise and am spending lockdown learning new recipes. I also enjoy intermittent fasting - it makes me enjoy my food more when I do have it.

I have found a lot of other women to be a bit aggressive over weight - it’s quite an emotional subject. In general I think it’s down to sexual competitiveness - in modern western society thin is seen as sexually desirable for high status men hence all the weird “you look gaunt” comments from women if you’ve lost a few pounds even if you’re not

Obviously we’re all a bit more mindful of our health with Covid so basically pick what you personally want and stick with it

Up until two years ago I was always hovering between 8st 10 and 9st 2 at 5ft 2 inches tall.
Over the last two years being on a medication and having an unstable thyroid issue I was 11st 2

In the month before lockdown I lost 13 lb and felt so much better but haven't got on the scales since lockdown but I need to.

Even when I was at 8st 10 and comfortable in my clothes etc I still would be very critical of myself and always be trying to get a few more pounds off. What I saw was bigger than how I actually was.

Now I'm two stone heavier I would absolutely love to be back at my 9 stone again and be completely happy and comfortable.

I have had problems like you’ve described since my teens. Hate mirrors, hate photos, always have a goal weight, never ‘just’ getting ice cream without the mental maths. It does take over.

I’ve started Couch to 5k and the Kayla Itsines app (free trial). I’m on week 3 and I feel fantastic. Earlier this week, DH took a photo of me and honestly, it’s the first time I have ever looked at myself and felt happy. I ave no make up on and my hair is a riot but I feel good about myself for once.

You’ve done so well to lose weight and you must have changed your mindset to do that. Now you just need to give it another shift. Good luck

Be careful with this OP. You need to create a healthy relationship with food. I have heard somewhere that the mind takes about a year to catch up with the actual physical weight you lose (looking at yourself and you still yourself bigger than you currently are) so cut yourself some slack please

Jesús some of these replies are ridiculous, "yeah do what you want hun, it's fine" - totally missing the point. If the OP is restricting and then binging, what does that sound like to you?

OP please seek help if you feel this is becoming problematic for you