I have the most useless cat in the world.

[wheresmyhairytoe]

Dcat is a hunter, when outside he catches mice, birds and even rats. He kills them well and is always very pleased with himself.

We have had mice in our kitchen for a couple of weeks. 18 so far. He has not caught 1 of them! He sits on his chair and looks at us with disdain while we free then from their traps in the field round the corner.

Why won't he get them?! Useless beast.

Not challenging enough clearly.

Fewer dreamies might help?

Ha! Clearly you have to do the “indoor jobs”, not his domain

My mum once had a mouse problem and her great big Labrador leapt onto the sofa in fear

He obviously has 'Fur Jobs' and 'No Fur Jobs'.

Perhaps you should have a word with his union to bring an end to this demarcation dispute?

Lack of ppe?.

He might think it’s about time you learnt to hunt. So far your rubbish at it.

Maybe he's been fur-loughed?

He is supervising you. And apparently finding you wanting.

He's certainly judging us. Lazy fucker.

He's waiting until you learn to do the job properly to his standards (obviously I'm not suggesting that you kill the mice).

He might even be catching the mice you're releasing and bringing them back so you can keep practising.

Or maybe house mice taste different to outside mice and he doesn't like them as much?

Mine brings live mice in, traps them in his bed and licks them and treats them like babies

I’ve had many trips to the fields over the years to let the poor things go.

@LittleTopic when I lived in the countryside I had a problem with hug rats in the outbuildings. I had a massive golden retriever who would shake, whine and try and jump into my arms with fear every time she saw one. She was the same with pheasants on walks, absolutely petrified of them - which was hilarious seeing as she came from a line of working gun dogs

I clearly have useless pets.

You don't have the most useless cat. I have the most useless cat. He would be petrified of a mouse, has never caught anything alive in his life (he does occasionally chase inanimate objects and invisible things but never wins) and spends half his life asleep and the other half in the living room barking at pigeons on the fence outside (but in a million years would never go near one). He once jumped about four feet in the air because he saw a big spider that might be about to eat him.

OP your cat is useless but at least it kills the mice it brings in. My cat brings live mice and birds in through the cat flap and just leaves the rest to us. She looses all interest once it’s in the house - I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had to lure mice out from sofas and fireplaces with little bits of biscuit 😂

How far away are you releasing them?

Have you had 18 mice, or one mouse 18 times?!

But is he beautiful?
And are we getting a pic?

We're releasing them quite a way from the house. We walked round to the field this morning with DD carrying the trap and saying "don't worry, I won't hurt you, I'm a vegetarian. Go, live your life in freedom".
Got a right funny look off a passing dog walker!

@evilharpy I have one of those
Survived 4 years on the streets, I suspect by batting his eyelashes at humans. Runs away from spiders, wouldn't dare climb anything and thinks birdies are "friends mama, no food"

He's very beautiful, so I will forgive him.

@ClientQ bless. Mine when he was younger (he's 15 now) used to climb things like doors, get stuck and cry to be rescued. He also a few times when we lived in a tiny one bed flat went into the hall, got lost and cried to be found again. Absolutely hopeless creature.

Ahh god yes you could not hold it against that beaut for a nano-second, OP. Look at him!

wheresmyhairytoe he is gorgeous! I wonder if it a tuxedo cat thing because mine is a total lounge lizard?!

He's just beautiful, fluffy belly that he lets me kiss and rub, while purring away 😻

wheresmyhairytoe Arthur isn't much better. He usually brings one a day to eat, leaving bits and bobs of innards to clear up, and one a day to play with, which he invariably "loses" under the oven, because it is more fun.

I am afraid if they don't allow themselves to be caught, and tbh I do catch a lot and release, I eventually resort to snap traps. I lost patience on the xmas day we fired up the second oven to discover a mouse had obviously died in there somewhere..... the smell was indescribable that's puke, not envy! Haven't used that oven since.

Oven-cooked rotting mouse. Hmmm. No thanks!

Brilliant Train