Why is breastfeeding so hard

[fatisnotafeeling]

DS2 is 10 days old and I Breast fed him until day 5 when we realised he had tongue tie that was cut that day. they then weighed him and he lost 12% body weight, he also has jaundice and we were readmitted to hospital.

I was told I needed to top him up with formula which I did and he gained weight so we came home yesterday and then he began to struggle to latch, his tongue looked saw so today I've been cup feeding him what I can express which isn't much at all.

I am so exhausted between not sleeping for 48 hrs when he was born and then not sleeping when we went back into hospital. I can't help feel that if I give up trying to feed him that I have failed and I am getting so upset emote it all I think about stopping about 100 times a day.

Surely something so natural should not be this difficult. ?

I could have written your post, at 3 days my DD had lost 12.5% and had jaundice and we got readmitted and had to top up with formula. Once we were allowed home I ended up phasing out the top ups but she was so unhappy and unsettled that we ended up going back to mixed feeding with formula top ups. I was devastated at first, I felt like my body had failed at something that it was 'supposed' to do.
She's now 10 weeks and I don't feel guilty about it at all, it was the best thing for her and also for my mental health as it was stressing me out so much. If you resolve the issues and end up breastfeeding, then that's great. If you end up mix feeding or just formula feeding, that's also totally fine and I promise you won't dwell on it for that long, as long as your baby is happy and healthy then that's all that matters x

@fatisnotafeeling I know a lactation consultant and it took her a week to get her second child to latch on properly. Remember your baby is tiny and even if you’re an expert they are not, add in the tired emotional state you are in and it’s difficult. Never accept a poor latch from your baby, it will cause you damage and they won’t be able to feed as well. Sounds like you are doing really well.

You've had some excellent advice here OP. I'm so glad I read to the end of the thread to see you've had some real life support.

The early days are tough. I had several midwives help me with positions and latching in hospital so I felt confident by the time we got home. Keep asking for the support where you need it.

Whether you continue to bf or not you have done excellently so far and your baby will love you nonetheless

Hi All, I really would like to thank all of you so very much for your words of support they have really helped.

DS is feeding much much better although he takes a long time which concerns me that he's not an effective feeder but I am hoping they will change as time goes on. He is such a settled baby (famous last words) during the day and goes 3 -4 hrs between feeds that I worry he isn't feeding enough. Yesterday evening he did some cluster feeding and then only woke twice in the night and and we were up at 5 so I am still exhausted.

We are still topping up with bottles and I now have a perfect prep machine which helps immensely with preparing the bottles.

I am still hoping that we can carry on with our Brest feeding journey but I am finding that I am feeling slightly more rational and realise that if we have to switch then it isn't the end of the world.

Still wish it wasn't quite so difficult though.

It's very difficult until suddenly it isn't and actually becomes the easiest thing ever. It definitely takes at least a month though in my experience.
Plenty of people give a bottle just before bedtime even when things are going well, no shame in that. The only advice I'd give is to keep the time you offer the bottle consistent as your body will learn the pattern. Also if you think you need to boost milk supply then offer breast before bottle.

It’s absolutely exhausting

How long is he breast feeding for at a time? Feeding for up to an hour at the start is normal.

I think I spoke to soon because once again he won't latch on again tonight. I've had to resort to the breast feeding dummy we picked up just to get him to stop screaming and then I'm panicking that giving a dummy will cause problems with thee breast feeding m.

I feel like I'm second guessing everything at the moment, and Weill beyond exhausted so it's not helping.

@Selfsettling3 he feeds for an hr on the breast are the moment.

Nipple shields! Essential.

Essential for the first few weeks I mean.

Have you tried the “flipple” technique to encourage him to latch? There are YouTube videos online of how to do it.

Don’t worry too much about the dummy, both of mine have had dummies from early on and both have been ebf well past a year (well I’m assuming DC2 will go the same way as DC1! Still feeding at 11 months anyway).

Please try not to get too down about this op. You have an option to feed him if you need it and that’s fine. It is not unusual for breastfeeding to take several weeks to establish. It’s not because you are doing anything wrong.

It’s very hard in the early days because you are knackered and sore and it’s not working and it feels like it just shouldn’t be that hard. Both mine were a real struggle to start with, I very nearly gave up several times. DC1 refused to latch at all until day 10, I was expressing every 3 hours and bottle feeding ebm until he finally was persuaded to give it a go! DC2 finally latched on day 8 after a TT division and he would only latch with a nipple shield. Took about 3 weeks to lose the shields once the feeding itself was established.

Go easy on yourself, lots of skin to skin, try to rest, eat and drink plenty. If he cluster feeds, go with it. If he won’t latch maybe try pumping so you can top up with ebm and keep your supply up for now? Did you try the nipple shields? They might be worth a go?

@Sunshinegirl82 when I was the breast feeding support lady the other day she said I don't need shields as my 'equipment lol is very good and she is right I do have quite reasonable size nipples.

I have managed to latch him on this morning with the flipple technique so that's progress, I keep swinging from it really want to do this' to it can't do this anymore'.

I suffer terribly with my mental health and i seemed to be doing ok but now I am not so sure all the horrible thoughts about myself are back into useless music 'can't do anything right' etc etc. I have the perk natal mental health nurse coming today so hopefully she will be able to help xx

If he's very hungry and too upset to latch, you can try hand expressing a little milk for him - or you could do this in advance and have a little in the fridge ready to give him. Sometimes this takes the edge off and they calm down enough to have another go. You can also try dabbing a little milk on the nipple to help them to know where to aim for.

It does sound like everything is gradually getting better, just that it's not all in a straight line and there is some zig-zagging along the way. This is normal. It takes on average 8-10 weeks to get breastfeeding fully established, so all the struggles you are having are completely normal and will have been experienced by the vast majority of the mothers you see confidently breastfeeding older babies.

Oh OP, unmumsnetty hugs to you. I was in your shoes a few months ago and it is so hard. Whatever choice you make, you haven't failed.

If you can carry on breastfeeding, great. If you go exclusively to formula, great. As long as little one is gaining weight then don't worry too much. Do whatever is best for your mental health and wellbeing and look after yourself so you can look after your lovely baby

I just fed my breast like a sandwich to DS so he would latch properly. He had a severe tongue tie and also lost weight. I was advise he might need formula but my breastfeeding counsellor and my mil had their her own babies through tongue ties and so knew what to do.