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Original poster

Wwyd? Do I quit?

37 replies

Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 20:36

I'm a longtime user but forgot my username.
I'll try and keep this short...

I've been in my current job for 10 years, used to love it. Over the last two years, following a miscarriage, they started treating me differently, but in a way that they can easily cover themselves. They stopped inviting me to meetings, didn't bother with my birthday (colleague got the usual card, meal out and £50) and stopped including me pretty much. They also seem to have one rule for me and another for everyone else... favouring other colleagues requests over mine. They've also really dumbed me down and made me feel worthless over the years (underpaid too).

I have very young children and I feel that maybe I should take this time out to spend with them, as they grow up so fast and will soon start school.

Money will be tight tbh. That is my worry. This is an easy job and ok money. But the people aren't great at all. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I risk not having as much money or give my kids their mum 24/7?

I think I feel crazy giving up my job whilst people are losing theirs because of coronavirus. What if I can't find another? What if this is all I'm good for? I don't want to be a fuck up for my kids :(

OP posts:
Inconnu · 21/04/2020 20:38

Is it a choice between this job and being a SAHM? Can't you stay where you are and start looking for another job?

PapsofJura · 21/04/2020 20:40

Unless your oh is in a rock solid job, I would stay put at the moment. Not easy in these circumstances but is it possible to speak to your manager about the bullying?

Spied · 21/04/2020 20:42

Report the bullying and start looking for something else.

Devlesko · 21/04/2020 20:43

Money isn't everything, you are right your kids are only young once.
I did this with a career I loved and never looked back.
If it's for you it's a great life, but if you are thinking of returning to work when they start school, it's best not to leave/ or find something part time that you could do full time when they start school.
If you want to be a sahm for the long haul, you do need to consider your pension, and unfortunately financial stability should you divorce.
It's a heart/ wallet decision that only you can answer.

Graphista · 21/04/2020 20:47

If you're at the point of possibly quitting anyway you have little to nothing to lose by complaining about the bullying.

I walked away from my last job because of bullying and I regret it so much. I wish I had complained as I found out much later the bully was known to be so within the company and if I'd said something they likely would have done something to deal with it.

HedgehogHotel · 21/04/2020 20:52

I would not give up my job under the current economic conditions.

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 20:56

It would be a temporary break so I'd hope to work again when my children are in school (talking about a year off). DH is in a fairly stable job.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/04/2020 20:56

Ime of similar treatment (ie bullying) my MH deteriorated in record time - not uncommon, regardless who you are, when the victim of bullying in the workplace. I tried to activate the anti bullying procedures but tbh it was hopeless: looked good on paper but totally ineffective when it came to it. The bullies were protected and I was offered counselling.

I know this doesn't sound like common sense but I'd get out iiwy. Your MH is priceless. Better to be financially struggling ime.

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 20:58

Not to drip feed, but my children are currently going through assessment for a condition so it's hugely stressful right now for me. That's a main reason I wouldn't be looking to go straight back into another job from leaving this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 21:00

@springydaff this is pretty much what is happening - I've lightly suggested things before regarding bullying but they laugh it off and completely shut me down. I just don't have the mental strength to fight it anymore tbh.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/04/2020 21:01

LTBs, definitely.

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 21:02

I think it bloody hurts as well because I was such a good friend to a lot of these people and now they've turned their backs on me.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/04/2020 21:03

Be with your babies. You'll find a way xx

springydaff · 21/04/2020 21:04

Yes. I get it. Flowers

It's a toxic place. Get out (sorry to be so strong. I just do know the appalling toll of being bullied in the workplace. It just isn't worth it to hang around)

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 21:11

Thank you. I think that's what I needed to hear.
I just need to find a way of controlling that nagging voice that's telling me not to quit because of these uncertain times. And maybe just hope for the best.

OP posts:
springydaff · 21/04/2020 21:20

No. It doesn't make any sense but your mental health is more important.

We're not all Erin Brokovitch. In fact, very few are tbh. Yy there are some who fight to the bitter end but, frankly, they end up a bit obsessed.

It's NOT fair but get out. It just isn't with it Flowers

springydaff · 21/04/2020 21:25

*Worth it. It just isn't worth it.

HollowTalk · 21/04/2020 21:33

Who is it that's doing this? Are they senior or junior to you, or at your level? Why do you think it started? (Not that some people need an excuse.) It's definitely bullying - who did you speak to about it last time?

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 21:40

It's senior and my level. I don't know why it started. But I feel like it might have been because I worked my ass off and never said no, until I had a miscarriage and needed time off to recoup and recover. I spoke to the senior person in question and mentioned it to HR.

OP posts:
Beckyk12 · 21/04/2020 21:41

Hi daisy I left a job I loved after 15 years due to being bullied, albeit I waited till I had another job to go to but after being bullied by a previous manager the year before ( yes they had form for hiring shit managers wet behind the ears) I swore never again to put myself through that mental torture, so I went on the sick till I found another job, just for context this manager has now been found out to be the bully that he is so karma is a bitch lol 😂 but it gave me the push I needed as I was becoming just like a piece of the furniture and stuck in a rut I didn’t know I was in till I left .
Life’s too short to put up with crap
All the best I hope you make the right move for you and your family

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 21:49

Thanks Becky. That rings so true about the piece of furniture! I think they've really done a job on me to the point where I don't even have the confidence to apply for another job.. let alone interview. I feel so stupid all the time. I'm never good enough.

OP posts:
Beckyk12 · 21/04/2020 22:09

well You are good enough daisy don’t let them take your peace of mind, remember you will never meet a more important person than yourself
Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself and take a chance
All the best whatever you decide to do, if you stay just make notes and records of everything that happens
Xx

HollowTalk · 21/04/2020 22:10

I've re-read it and think in your position I would get the hell out of there. I'd give the true reasons in my resignation and would name names, give clear examples, say who I'd spoken to and what their response had been. I'd send the letter to HR and also to the head of the company, and then I would go off sick for my notice period. Fuck them. You owe them nothing.

Original poster
Daisycow667 · 22/04/2020 08:23

Thank you all for your replies, I am starting to sway towards leaving. I'm trying to picture the future and wondering whether I would regret not taking this year out.

OP posts:
Inconnu · 22/04/2020 08:50

Beat in mind that in a year's time it may not be a good time to be looking for a job, OP. The current situation is going to have a big hit on unemployment.