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Original poster

Wwyd? Do I quit?

37 replies

Daisycow667 · 21/04/2020 20:36

I'm a longtime user but forgot my username.
I'll try and keep this short...

I've been in my current job for 10 years, used to love it. Over the last two years, following a miscarriage, they started treating me differently, but in a way that they can easily cover themselves. They stopped inviting me to meetings, didn't bother with my birthday (colleague got the usual card, meal out and £50) and stopped including me pretty much. They also seem to have one rule for me and another for everyone else... favouring other colleagues requests over mine. They've also really dumbed me down and made me feel worthless over the years (underpaid too).

I have very young children and I feel that maybe I should take this time out to spend with them, as they grow up so fast and will soon start school.

Money will be tight tbh. That is my worry. This is an easy job and ok money. But the people aren't great at all. I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I risk not having as much money or give my kids their mum 24/7?

I think I feel crazy giving up my job whilst people are losing theirs because of coronavirus. What if I can't find another? What if this is all I'm good for? I don't want to be a fuck up for my kids :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Daisycow667 · 22/04/2020 08:54

I know that's why I'm so worried about quitting.. it's hard

OP posts:

Inconnu · 22/04/2020 09:09

Personally I'd find another job before quitting in the current climate. I absolutely would quit though! But only with a job to go to. Even the process of job hunting may help you feel better as you'll be less invested in your current company.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 22/04/2020 09:13

I guess it would depend on your financial situation, but if you can I would leave. I was in a similar situation when my son was small although I left a FT job for a PT job, what I lost in wages I made up for with not needing childcare. Best move I ever made.

Original poster

Daisycow667 · 22/04/2020 09:26

Ah thank you, I think I'll have a look at some jobs before leaving then. I just worry about flexibility with a new job. Like I said my confidence is pretty much none existent now so I'm terrified of trying to get another job

OP posts:

springydaff · 22/04/2020 11:32

You may find the right job with the right hours, with flexible employers thrown in. You don't know until you try..

Try to remember what you were like before the bullies wore you down. Actually meditate on it. This has been done to you, its not who, or what, you are.

Regardless, please don't stay where you are. They'll just wear you down more and more. What they've done has no bearing on you, it's entirely them. In all my research on workplace bullying, the overwhelming majority were considerably reduced in record time, from the highest to the lowest.

springydaff · 22/04/2020 11:34

I should say across the board, not from the highest to the lowest (whatever that means!)

ChicCroissant · 22/04/2020 11:41

If you feel that your mental health is suffering at the moment, I would take steps to get that sorted as much as possible before making any big decisions like leaving work. The fact that you've narrowed the situation down to either staying or leaving, rather than looking for another job does make me wonder if there is something other than the job behind this at the moment (I see that you've mentioned your children being assessed as well) so as I said, I would not make any big decisions just now. Focus on yourself first, and the job/work situation later as that can wait and you can't!

springydaff · 22/04/2020 15:23

I don't agree that the job situation can wait. It, or the bullying, is the source of misery that has infected your life op.

Because that's how bullying goes, it infects everything.

Original poster

Daisycow667 · 22/04/2020 16:45

You all make really good points tbh. I thought I was beginning to decide and I'm still so stuck.. I'm so worried about money/finding another job. I had a look this afternoon and every job made me so anxious and just made me think I'm too stupid to do that job. It sounds ridiculous writing it out like that but it's how I felt.
The only reason i was thinking of quitting without finding another job and to spend time with my kids was purely because they're only young once, and yes things are tough at the moment due to assessments etc but I wouldn't leave my job just because of that. It is the bullying etc that is making it hard. It almost feels awkward there now because I've been turned down for things so often, when colleagues have been given free pass.

OP posts:

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 22/04/2020 19:32

It's the bullyng that is making you feel anxious and stupid.

The job I left, my line manager section manager made me feel stupid and like I was a spare part and my colleagues made me feel like I wasn't part of the team, the bitchyness was ridiculous. I moved to a new job and felt really daunted but it was like night and day. I clicked with the women on my team straight away and felt really capable for the first time in a long time.

Original poster

Daisycow667 · 22/04/2020 19:54

That's really reassuring to read! Thank you. Sorry you had to go through it too though. I hope I can get over this enough to be able to try for another job. Did you feel too scared to apply too?

OP posts:

SMarie123 · 22/04/2020 22:42

I think you should talk to your manager or if they are the problem talk to hr. put it in writing so you have "raised a grievance". You want evidence in case they try and brush your complaint under the carpet. If you work for a respectable company they will be worried and try and resolve it. If they don't make an effort, that is poor on their part, go to the doctor and get signed off sick while you find another job / care for you unwell child. Think about yourself not the job or being fair to them.

I was horribly bullied by a manager and hr really tried to get me to make an official complaint, tried to get me to not actually resign... I did leave and not complain because my confidence was destroyed. At the time I was in flight mode I didn't see hr had my back, but they did. 3 months after I left someone else was in the same boat as me and worked with hr to get the manager fired. Who would you rather be? The lady who got the manger fired has been promoted twice, all my ex colleagues say she is amazing.

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