If you have a plain eating DP and you’re a foodie

[FizzyPink]

How do you cope? I obviously always knew he wasn’t very adventurous but eating every meal together when usually I’d be out with friends/work several nights a week is making me so bloody bored.
I’m a huge foodie, love all kinds of things and it’s a real passion of mine and something I look forward to whereas DP is a shepherds pie, spaghetti bolognaise every night kind of guy (minus peppers or mushrooms because he wouldn’t like those).

He’s learnt his eating habits from his parents who are exactly the same and make all kinds of irritating comments if you order something out of the ordinary in a restaurant. “Ewww fish, I don’t know how you can eat that”
I know it seems very minor but aside from us making our own meals I really don’t know what to suggest. I’d just like to eat some vegetables other than broccoli or green beans!! He’s in his 30s but eats like a fussy child!

You or he makes a big shepherds pie and a big lasagne at the start of the week. He boils himself some green veg while a portion is reheating on an evening and you cook yourself something.

That’s actually not a bad idea you know. I once made him some tomato pasta for lunch and that was what he ate every lunchtime for 3 weeks and was very happy 😂

I honestly couldn’t be with someone who was so unadventurous with food. It would drive me mad.

I used to think exactly the same @puds11 and it’s so frustrating to have to always check restaurants serve steak and chips for him and never go for tapas/sushi etc but he’s an extremely perfect DP in lots of other ways so I feel like I should be able to overlook his eating habits!

I couldn't have married someone like that tbh. Would've driven me mad

Having been in a similar situation to you for 23 years my advice is to cook nice adventurous food for yourself. There is little point trying to make someone enthusiastic about food they don’t want. It’s true that your culinary efforts go unappreciated and you’re denied the pleasurable experience of sharing a delicious meal with your partner but if he’s who you want you’ll have to learn to accept it.
I batch cook for myself...I’ve just made a peach and chickpea curry to do me for a couple of days while my lot, including dh, have lasagna and sausages etc.
Will never stop wishing they’d just eat what I like but hey ho.

Never going for tapas and sushi would be a dealbreaker that’s where me and DH spend most our time!!

Would he be open to expanding his core foods in increments? My DP didn't eat fish, Thai food, some vegetables when I met him (totally appreciate that this is not the same as your situation) but over time he's tried little bits and pieces of what I've been cooking and is now fine with it all. Would a staged approach be an option?

I'm a it fussy and have decided I'm a super-taster (might well be given what's written about it). I think I might be more adventurous than your OH but probably not much more. My OH and I don't always eat together. There are meals we all enjoy and we'll eat those together but there is no set rule about eating the same thing. I will go to a fish restaurant with him BTW and find something to eat but it's not usually that enjoyable. I feel for your both. Your OH can't just decide to like things that taste bad to him but you should also be able to eat what you like.

My now dh had never even tried Indian food.
Right now he is making chapatis /naan bread and assorted curry mains for tea!!

Old ddog, new tricks and all that!!

In some ways, I was like your OH when I first met my now husband. My dad had anaphylaxis to shellfish and fish, and mum wasn't a great cook. Meals were meat and 2 veg most nights. I ate a reasonable variety of things, but only ate very well cooked eggs, steak which was as black as a shoe sole. I couldn't tolerate even a very mild salsa (FAR too spicy) and picked peppers off a pizza. It was more that I hadn't been exposed eating some foods any other way, or had little exposure to them.

The difference is, that I was willing to try things and to try them again and again. I now have med-rare steak, all manner of seafoods, medium eggs, fresh chilli on food & even red, cooked peppers! I also cook a vast array of foods, from sushi, Vietnamese, Thai, Indian, Nth African etc all from scratch at home.

Is your OH willing to try foods? Does he want to change? Does he see a problem? I'd try by adding a different veg each week that he has to try. If you made something different, what does he eat? Not the same, but I've watched those toddler psychology shows where they wont try certain foods. Maybe watch some tips on youtube.

I too couldn't cope with someone that was the way I used to be!

So he is willing to try things but very very minimally. Like he’d try maybe a vegetable dumpling but not a prawn. He’ll also then decide somethings not for him when he finds out what’s in it even if he liked it before I told him. He tells me that when he’s eaten things before that he doesn’t like it’s made him sick a while later. I’m pretty sure this is in his head and he’s made himself sick.

However he does have a nut allergy which I’m pretty sure is just peanuts but he’s never been tested so avoids all nuts so I also wonder if it’s a bit of not knowing what’s made him sick before. He has promised to get an allergy test when everything is back to normal so he can know for certain what will make him sick.

DP and I are the same, except I’m the unadventurous eater and DP loves to branch out.

We tend to not eat the same thing of an evening - maybe a bit different as DP tends not to finish work till 7/8 and I’ll eat beforehand anyway.

It maybe is different though as I’m quite happy to indulge DP and go out to tapas/sushi places - in my experience there’s always a plainer dish I can have, or one that can easily be made plainer by leaving out a sauce or spice.

Occasionally DP moans at me for “fussiness”; but I shut him up by reminding him that he knew about my restricted diet when we met; and he has shown zero interest in some of my hobbies, so he shouldn’t expect me to automatically love food just because that is his hobby.

Elouera there's not saying he hasn't tried those things. Trying is no guarantee that you will come to like it. I have tried white wine so many times but it is still a godawful bitter hideousness. I really want to like it too, as well as beer (also beyond awful), as they look so refreshing on a summers evening!

However he does have a nut allergy which I’m pretty sure is just peanuts but he’s never been tested so avoids all nuts so I also wonder if it’s a bit of not knowing what’s made him sick before. He has promised to get an allergy test when everything is back to normal so he can know for certain what will make him sick.

He still might not know for certain. You can test as not being allergic to nuts but still be allergic to them. Personally I can't blame him for not wanting to go for a tapas or sushi as nuts turn up in so many things, many things are cooked in nut oil or sesame oil which can also be problematic for nut allergy sufferers.

I think you need to try and be a bit more understanding of what it is like to have a nut allergy and he needs to back off with the snide comments about how he doesn't know how you can eat something.

You’ve got off lightly with your Dh.

My friends husband will only eat breaded chicken things and thin cut oven chips. Nothing else. Drives her bonkers, they’ve never been out for a meal.

Yes I do think the nut allergy plays a part but he’s only had two reactions in his life (once to some cake and once to some satay sauce) and he’s been eating things like Lindor balls for years not realising they contain hazelnuts.
I think the real issue is being brought up by parents who are ultra fussy and meat and veg type people. It’s MIL who makes the snide comments, not DP. I raised it with him just now and he’s agreed that if I start making different meals for myself he’ll agree to try some alongside he’s own dinner so we’ll see how that goes

Gosh @Connie222 that sounds like something he needs therapy for! He surely can’t be eating that 3 times a day?!

"Bolognaise" is honestly my most hated misspelling and I cringe every time I see it.

Lindor do not contain hazelnut either, they may contain any number of nuts due to the factory making products containing nuts, but hazelnut isn't an ingredient.

I couldn't of married him. It would have driven me nuts.

@Turnedouttoes that’s all he eats. Will eat McDonalds chips at a push. And any breaded chicken, so will eat kfc chicken (but not the chips). He’s eaten like that since a small child, he’s 40 now. He’s pale, pasty, spotty and plump. He’s honesty the unhealthiest looking person I’ve ever seen but he won’t listen to anyone.

@PolPotNoodle I honestly had no idea that was a misspelling! I’ve spent my whole life spelling it like that 🤦🏼‍♀️
Interesting about Lindor but they definitely say may contain hazelnuts so he’s obviously not concerned enough to not eat them

DH eats cheese pizza or cheese pasta for every dinner. We can only go out to Italian restaurants. He eats zero meat/fish, zero fruit and zero vegetables (other than tomato pizza base). He does eat sweets and crisps though, and is pretty addicted to ice lollies. Yes, I married a child. We eat separate meals most of the time, and when I go out with friends for dinner I try persuade everyone to go anywhere other than an Italian! Fortunately our young children aren't terrible eaters so I'm no longer cooking for one.

I've finished two relationships with men who were weird about food. The first didn't like 'meat or vegetables' and would only eat cold ravioli out of a tin. The second was like the friend's husband upthread and would only eat dried out oven food.

They both had to go, couldn't share my life with someone who doesn't enjoy food and cooking. They were both awful in bed too so I always link the two