If you have a plain eating DP and you’re a foodie

[FizzyPink]

How do you cope? I obviously always knew he wasn’t very adventurous but eating every meal together when usually I’d be out with friends/work several nights a week is making me so bloody bored.
I’m a huge foodie, love all kinds of things and it’s a real passion of mine and something I look forward to whereas DP is a shepherds pie, spaghetti bolognaise every night kind of guy (minus peppers or mushrooms because he wouldn’t like those).

He’s learnt his eating habits from his parents who are exactly the same and make all kinds of irritating comments if you order something out of the ordinary in a restaurant. “Ewww fish, I don’t know how you can eat that”
I know it seems very minor but aside from us making our own meals I really don’t know what to suggest. I’d just like to eat some vegetables other than broccoli or green beans!! He’s in his 30s but eats like a fussy child!

I'm craving beans on toast for tea or boiled eggs but the boyfriend loves his food and wouldn't eat that as it's not a proper meal. I'm finding it bloody hard work and feel permanently bloated 😞.

Food to me is a quick refuel. I do like tapas though 👍

No advice here Op as I have no experience of this but I’d be bloody frustrated too. My DP and I always order 2 different meals and we share to try different things. I also couldn’t cope if my dp couldn’t cook.

Why is it your rresponsibility to cook his meals and check restaurants for him?

If he's fussy then it's his problem, stop making it yours. Just cook what you normally would, if he refuses to eat he can get himself something.

LTB

This sounds like me tbh. I have ARFID, it's a type of eating disorder. I eat a wide variety of foods but not super adventurous. I struggle with textures and the unknown. My brain basically says no don't eat that it's poison. I can't cope with fish, a lot of vegetables (I'll eat the green ones though, no idea why), condiments like ketchup or salad cream/dressing. I can actually get away with it for ages before someone catches on but I have to check every menu for any restaurant ahead of time to make sure there's something I'll eat, and people cooking for me is a nightmare. It's definitely a disorder though (in my case) as I'd rather starve then eat something 'adventurous'.

My partner is chips/potatoes and meat type of guy. I've gotten him eating garlic bread and he will taste some things. It's just how he is and ate for 30 years before he met me. He doesn't like sauces, spices, etc. Know what it's fine. He does loves my roasts!

I still make ta u things for myself Or sometimes batch cooked and then warm them up. I go to restaurants that are more diverse with my friends and the more British/Italian type menus with him. It works for us, I can overlook it.

I think I'd struggle massively with this. I was a lot less adventurous than dh when we met - still wanted to be open minded (loved food, my palate just needed a bit of a challenge) - I took 10 years to eventually learn to love Roquefort! Does he even want to try?

DH is the same - likely has ARFID like a poster above. It doesn't bother me too much tbh. We cook our own meals together (I cook for me and the kids - or they cook their own). We've been together 20 years so not going to lots of different restaurants with him is something I'm used to. I go with friends or with the kids instead (DS is much more adventerous like me so we often try new things). It can be embarrassing at weddings and other events but most people know his issues and do something he will eat or he just doesn't eat! He knows it's a pain so is never annoyed about it.

Sounds like he's open to change, which is a huge plus!

Introduce new things ultra slowly. I bet he catches on.

but they definitely say may contain hazelnuts so he’s obviously not concerned enough to not eat them

Depending where you shop that's inevitable that you will come across that - some shops (looking at you JS) label everything may contain nuts. Some manufacturers do the same so you can't sue them.

My OH is a bit like yours. I've never really tried to get him to taste new things - wouldn't be worth it as he's stubborn and says he knows what he likes. We rarely eat the same meal but both quite happy making our own meals at night. We always time our cooking so we eat together which is what counts and that way I can eat whatever I want without having to compromise. Only annoying thing is that I sometimes need to eat the same thing two nights in a row because most food packs contain a serving for two people.

@Oblomov20

I couldn't of married him. It would have driven me nuts

Yes, I agree, people who use ”of” when they actually mean ”have” drive me up the wall too.

Stop bloody blaming his parents, he has been able to make his own food choices probably from the age of sixteen

We just wouldn’t have ever gotten married. Or he would have just had to learn to deal with it.

Honestly, food and cooking is such a huge part of my identity. Actually, dh didn’t when I met him, but now works in a field where he works with lots of well known chefs (you would have seen some of what he does on tv). So I can’t really imagine we ever would have got passed the initial shagging stage if he was a fussy eater.

I’d batch cook for him and let him just reheat whatever each night and cook more adventurous stuff for you - for now!

I’m vegetarian which people wrongly assume = overly Ltd boring diet!

My ex was same as yours, extremely fussy thanks to his parents totally pandering when he went through a picky phase at the age most children do. As a result when I first met him there were literally 6 things he would eat!

He didn’t cook either. When we married & moved in together I got fed up within the first week of cooking and eating pretty much same thing every bloody night!

I did what many on here are advised to do with children!

Made him get involved with choosing and cooking food, made him try at least one new thing a week PROPERLY - not a wimpy nibble followed by “eww nah don’t like that” and in that week it would be cooked different ways so eg we would discover he didn’t like a certain vegetable boiled but liked it roasted or stir fried.

By the time I was done with him he was much better, unfortunately with wife 2 (who in my opinion panders to him too) he’s regressed AND passed his fussy behaviour onto his younger kids.

If you don’t have dc yet but are planning to I’d definitely advise getting this knocked on the head before having dc.

It may seem a minor issue but it can have a major impact on a child’s development and health.

One of ex’s younger ones is on iron constantly because they’re always anaemic due to poor diet.

And don’t let him dictate restaurant choices either, most restaurants have some kind of bland offerings if he insists but it’s not fair expecting you to always miss out when you eat out.

The “allergy” sounds psychosomatic to be honest, most people with a true nut allergy would be ill enough to necessitate a proper diagnosis. Many other things in the items you mentioned that could have made him ill as a one off, not due to allergy but food poisoning etc

Barring genuine allergies/intolerance and eating disorders I consider it unacceptable to be fussy purely due to being unwilling to try new things.

I wondered whether the OP was married to my DH until she mentioned broccoli and green beans - I wish! DH will only eat processed peas. I, too, know the pain of having to check menus for restaurants before dining out to ensure they offer steak.

After having my food rejected a few times, I've learnt to take a back seat and let him cook dinner on four days of the week. If he cooks it with his choice of ingredients, he'll eat it. Yes it's plain (casserole, chilli, spam fritters) but I can put up with it. One day we'll have a takeaway, I can choose to be adventurous. Saturday we cook and eat separately so that I can have fish. Sunday I'll cook a pie or roast dinner.

Blimey @Turnedouttoes!!! I had no idea DH was a bigamist because we are clearly married to the same man!!

To be honest, I gave up trying to get him to eat anything not meat/veg/potatoes a long time ago. He knows what he likes and we are similar to @Talulahoopla & her Dh - we just cook our own and time it to eat together.

He has 'branched out' over the years - he now eats garlic bread, pasta and, gasp, spare ribs...

Funniest thing tho - he was bought a pizza oven for his significant birthday.

Guess what he doesn't eat??? Good job me & the kids like pizza...

I'm quite fussy but I have Aspergers so a lot of it stems from sensory issues. I'm a LOT better than I was (my dad will tell you about 2007, when I ate chicken dippers and oven chips every night for the better part of a year - I was 17 )

DH is a garbage disposal who will eat anything and loves to try new food. In the last 8 years he has pushed me to try loads of new things that I eat regularly now, like duck, medium-rare steak, and olives. He's still heartbroken that I won't eat lamb though! The smell turns my stomach.

Thankfully it's not really an issue because we tend to eat separately. He is a postman so by the time 5pm rolls around, he is starving as he has been home for ages. I work 9-5 and until lockdown, I was staying in the office until 9pm some nights doing uni work.

@theluckiest that's one thing my OH and I so agree on - Pizza Fridays, albeit we can't share because we don't like the same toppings! Some might say it's the best of both worlds.

Can you do things like chicken traybake - your chicken can be marinated in chipotle paste or chilli and garlic or whatever and you could put feta or chorizo or whatever in with your half of the peppers and potatoes and leave his plain (or just cook him the potatoes if he won't eat peppers and cherry tomatoes etc). When he sees how much nicer looking and smelling yours is, he might come around ;)

Similarly you can do salmon or whatever when he has steak, same or similar accompaniments - would roasted sweet potato work?!

Same with broccoli/sides etc - his is simply steamed, yours is quickly stir fried with chilli, garlic and soy sauce.

You could also make a big pot of spicy beans and chorizo for you - first night, fajitas, second night huevos rancheros. Same night, he can have something beige with his side of peas from the freezer if he wants. Yours will be colourful - beans, peppers, salad, avo, cheese, cream, coriander, whatever. His not so much.

I reckon that once he sees some of the beautiful food that you get to eat, he may change his mind!

And if he doesn't then you at least haven't gone to too much trouble and you get to eat something that is to your taste.

I actually feel a bit bad after reading about some of the fussiness on here and perhaps he isn’t so bad after all. He will eat things cooked in sauce so isn’t really fussy in that sense. Tonight for example we had sweet and sour chicken with rice and he agreed to try my bulgar wheat which he ate all of in the end.
Mainly it’s the lack of veg or more interesting foods I guess. Anything classic British grub like a curry, pie, roast would be totally fine for him, but he’ll pick peppers and mushrooms out of a stir fry. But perhaps I’m being harsh, he does try and I have said as someone mentioned up thread that I definitely don’t want any fussiness passed onto any potential children which he agrees with

I totally feel ur pain OP, my DH would eat scrambled eggs or beans on toast or oven chips/chicken EVERY night. It used to drive me crazy but I’ve accept it now and just cook for myself. It’s such a shame as I considered myself a fantastic cook.

Ex was like this, but much worse. The wrinkled nose and childish 'eurghs' at mostly anything got old fast. He wouldn't try anything 'foreign' including pizza, anything cooked with onions, in a sauce, wouldn't stay in the same room if I had ordered a takeaway. Eating out was sheer misery as I would have to bend to his Wetherspoons-like suggestions, never the other way round otherwise he would be sat there refusing to order anything and being an embarrassment. Everything was 'disgusting'.
It was a sign of narrow minded at best. Ahhh, so glad he's an ex

DH is a bit like this and it was learned behaviour as his family mostly eat bland food. He also hates to cook and would happily live off of ramen whereas I love cooking and need variety.

I took the tack that he had to learn to not be rude about the food and to just try it. I still cook the meals he liked but also many that I liked too. I never pressured him or judged him if he didn't want something, but I just put the meal there and he could choose to eat it or not. There is back up food in the freezer he can make himself so he never goes without. It was basically how I grew up.

It's mostly worked, but I think he was just a case of learned behaviour and not food phobia or sensory issues. He now eats most vegetables, isn't rude when he doesn't like something and will eat select dishes from cuisines that he'd never touch before- veggie and vegan foods, Indian, middle eastern etc.