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Original poster

I’m a size 10, he’s gone fitness freak mode.

28 replies

DreamALittleDreamofMe · 18/04/2020 22:24

Hi all.

Don’t really know what I’m looking for, just suffering from huge anxiety as my partner won’t eat anything I make for him anymore, for example a lasagne or chicken wraps etc.

He will only eat chicken and rice and spends hours upstairs with his weight bench.

I feel so self conscious, he says if I’m not happy I should change myself but I was happy with myself before all this, I never anticipated having to keep up with a muscle man.

OP posts:
Chuffingchuff · 18/04/2020 22:32

Just because that's how he lives his life, doesn't mean it's how you have to live yours. I'd you are happy with your body then that's what matters.

wowbutter · 18/04/2020 22:35

He sounds unwell, mentally.

Original poster
DreamALittleDreamofMe · 18/04/2020 22:38

It’s things like I just bought the shopping today, all his chicken etc - and he said oh don’t think everything will fit in the fridge because of all your junk food.

The junk food was a trifle. I can’t eat now as I keep looking at my body in disgust and thinking how will I look on the beach with a muscle man when I am not toned, I have a post partum body etc.

OP posts:
Oly4 · 18/04/2020 22:40

He sounds like a dick. Tell him you’re a healthy weight and you think he has a problem

anothernotherone · 18/04/2020 22:42

Flowers He sounds like an arse to be honest. Chipping away at you with little dogs is a very unpleasant character trait. Does he tell you that he was only joking and you're too sensitive too?

It's not you, it's him...Wine

Justmuddlingalong · 18/04/2020 22:42

His health, fitness and body condition is his business. Yours is yours. If you are genuinely happy in your skin, tell him to but out and keep his opinion to himself.

anothernotherone · 18/04/2020 22:43

Little digs. Not little dogs! ShockBlushGrin

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2020 22:43

Well stop cooking for him then.

As for you body, his fitness hobby isn't a reflection of you. It's his thing.

Try to separate the two.

anothernotherone · 18/04/2020 22:45

Justmuddlingalong she says she was happy until the man whose supposed to be her partner (and presumably the father of her child as she has a postpartum body) started making nasty comments.

WorraLiberty · 18/04/2020 22:48

Justmuddlingalong she says she was happy until the man whose supposed to be her partner (and presumably the father of her child as she has a postpartum body) started making nasty comments.

He made a comment about the trifle, which was nasty and silly too considering it's just one trifle.

But other than that, I can't see anything else nasty?

StatementKnickers · 18/04/2020 22:51

He sounds like a dick but you also sound very fragile to be "disgusted with yourself" and "suffering huge anxiety" especially as you can't possibly be overweight at size 10! Do you have any history of eating problems? Is he being nastier than what you've described?

Justmuddlingalong · 18/04/2020 22:52

Yes, I know. I've read the posts. She also has been commenting here about her body. I'm suggesting if she makes these comments to him, he might see his nitpicking as encouragement. I'm in no way excusing his behaviour towards the OP, and was only trying to understand why it has changed recently, if indeed it is a recent chance.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/04/2020 22:53

It sounds to me that your partner may have an eating disorder. They are becoming more and more common amongst men. Has he been anxious, depressed?

Yallreadyforthis · 18/04/2020 22:55

Let him cook for himself...

What's wrong with size 10? Is that meant to be big now?

Sickoffamilydrama · 18/04/2020 23:00

I get the same feeling of being compared with my DH. I have had 3 kids and with the last one (nearly 4 years ago) I'm really struggling to lose weight around my waist and I do worry that I'm not good enough for my DH.

But you DH sounds like he's got his on anxiety about his body and is passing/ projecting them onto to you.

Sickoffamilydrama · 18/04/2020 23:03

So many typos 🤗

Sickoffamilydrama · 18/04/2020 23:04

And a hug where did that come from 🤦‍♀️

Bumsnet1 · 18/04/2020 23:24

Change can be a bit scary, are you worried he wont find you attractive anymore? I don't get the impression he's trying to make you feel bad about your body. You told him you feel self conscious and he made a suggestion, that's not a dig.

Your partner is an adult, if he doesn't want to eat lasagne, let it go.

Flowersmakemyday · 18/04/2020 23:30

I also think he sounds like he might have an eating disorder, but also he's trying to drag you into his way of thinking by constantly making comments on your food. I had an ex like this who used to say things like 'if you just lost half a stone, you would look lovely'. When I look back now, there was nothing wrong with me. His food disorder became really noticeable when I was pregnant and just after I had our DD. Please look after yourself and talk to a friend so you feel supported.

donnaDCM · 18/04/2020 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DaisyDreaming · 19/04/2020 00:01

Please eat the trifle.

If you had said ‘daughter’ rather than partner people would all reply eating disorder. It’s disgusting that he is pushing this on you and making you feel bad, it’s healthy to eat more than just chicken and rice and by the sounds of it you are a healthy weight and size. I’m sorry your stuck with someone who has self esteem issues and is happy to tare you down too

WorraLiberty · 19/04/2020 00:20

I can't get over people saying it sounds as though the DP has an eating disorder, when all he's doing is throwing himself into fitness, during a lockdown?

I mean rather than the OP who is so threatened by it, that she's actually said I never anticipated having to keep up with a muscle man. (No-one has said she has to 'keep up' with anyone).

And.... I can’t eat now as I keep looking at my body in disgust and thinking how will I look on the beach with a muscle man when I am not toned, I have a post partum body etc.

It sounds to me as though the problem is very much the OP's and perhaps that's why her DP said if she's not happy she should change herself?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 19/04/2020 08:08

Agree with Worra, he’s using the time and health crisis to get fit. It makes sense to be as healthy as possible right now and I didn’t jump to eating disorder whatsoever.

The trifle comment was a fact, it is junk food in the sense it’s a desert and likely contains a large amount of calories.

If you are unhappy in yourself then it’s up to you to make changes. He’s not suggesting you do or trying to rope you into his new regime.

ohthepigeons · 19/04/2020 08:37

Wow he sounds like a dick. That Junk food comment was ridiculous, it was one trifle not multiple cartons of ice cream and cake. Some people seem to be able to look after themselves and keep fit quietly but unfortunately a lot of people seem to only be able to do it whilst preaching to everyone else about how they should live their lives.

My dh is super fit, works out and runs every day, eats really well. Very rarely eats sugar. I eat fairly well but quite enjoy chocolate and he doesn't make comments about it. He eats what I make him for dinner. He sorts his own lunch and it's always chicken.

I also have a post partum and bigger than size 10 body and we go away a lot. Well we did SadWhile I know he looks far better on the beach than me he also makes me feel like I look fab. If you were a size 20 then I could understand he may be concerned about your health but as you're a size 10 so clearly not in that category I think you need to work out if it's your own thoughts or his that are making you feel bad. If it's his you need to have a chat and if it's yours you need to realise you don't need to 'keep up'. I'm sure he still finds you beautiful.

ZiggeryZaggy · 19/04/2020 08:40

My ex H started to behave like this. He became obsessive and lost lots of weight (wasn’t overweight to start with) and was buying different protein powders. He also started commenting on what other people were eating as well.

I was judged for “eating too many biscuits”. I was also a size 10 and quite happy with myself. He turned out to be having an affair though.

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