Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Help, I need to send my bereaved friend something, but what?

39 replies

TaighNamGastaOrt · 17/04/2020 22:01

Sadly my close friends husband died this week. He had cancer and sadly died of organ failure at home surrounded by his family.
His funeral is next week, no attendees sadly. I've spoken to my friend and am trying to support her from a distance. (I haven't called, just messaged and said call when you have time as I know she has a lot to do and deal with.)
Usually, I'd send flowers but no florists open. So it sounds silly, but what can I send her? Any ideas please? I haven't managed to buy a card yet-avoiding Tesco just now!
We're furloughed so not much cash spare but I really want to send her something that says we love her and are thinking of her. something to make her smile?
Any help please? Thanks

OP posts:
grumpypug · 17/04/2020 22:03

I sent flowers through Bloom and Wild this week. They're lovely.

thesandwich · 17/04/2020 22:07

Posh chocs- hotel chocolate? A letter would be lovely.

BasilDiffuser · 17/04/2020 22:08

Bloom and Wild flowers are stunning and long lasting.

YakkityYakYakYak · 17/04/2020 22:08

Maybe some nice meals? Might be hard for her to find the energy to cook a decent meal. Cook is good. Although not sure how easy it will be to get a delivery slot with them

FiveGoMadInDorset · 17/04/2020 22:08

My husband died last year, please call her, she will tell you if it’s a bad time but the people who said let me know or left a message to call them, I didn’t.

If you can send flowers but to be honest the people I have appreciated the most are the ones who organised pizza and wine with a few friends a good while after the funeral

rainbowlou · 17/04/2020 22:08

I was also going to suggest Bloom and Wild.

Sorry to hear about your friend’s husband Flowers

Hotcuppatea · 17/04/2020 22:08

Bloom and wild flowers are gorgeous.

Travellingraspberry · 17/04/2020 22:10

Was going to say Bloom and Wild flowers too. They do letterbox ones so you don't have to be worried about someone being in to receive them.

NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy · 17/04/2020 22:11

When my DH died the best thing someone sent me was some posh ready meals from Cook as I wouldn't have eaten without them.

helpfulperson · 17/04/2020 22:12

Can you prepay for a local meal delivery? Obviously let her know but lots of restaurants near us are doing delivery and if she could order and you pay I'm sure it would be appreciated.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 22:12

I agree to try calling her. Even if she doesn’t answer, she knows you mean it when you say you’re there to talk.

Also keep calling / texting (texting if she prefers it) or asking if she wants to meet up when that’s allowed.

I lost my DD last year and the worst thing was people not getting in touch at all but the next worse was people texting once or coming to the funeral and then not bothering to get in touch.

All this “didn’t want to intrude” or having a lot on. Is she with anyone right now? She’s on lockdown so probably has a lot of time on her hands even if arranging a funeral and hopefully doesn’t feel alone.

You sound like a good friend OP.

SanJunipero · 17/04/2020 22:13

You sound like a lovely friend. When I was widowed, I didn't particularly like receiving flowers; I appreciated the sentiment, of course, but I had to find vases for them all, and watching them all die was quite depressing.

A couple of people sent me meal vouchers (Cook / Waitrose / M&S) and they were a godsend. I was very tired and I don't think I'd have bothered to eat properly without them. If you're short of money, though, how about a really well thought-out letter? You could share memories of your friend's husband, talk about happy things you did together... it meant a lot to me when people did that in the days/weeks after my bereavement. So many people don't want to mention the person who's died in case it upsets their widow, but actually it can be really comforting to hear about other people's memories of them.

user1493494961 · 17/04/2020 22:13

Send your friend some flowers, M and S are still delivering.

ShoppingBasket · 17/04/2020 22:16

Letterbox flowers from wild and bloom are lovely, usually can find a discount code online for 10 off

flowerflies · 17/04/2020 22:21

Phone her regularly. It's the best gift you can offer. She may not always pick up, she may not always want to talk even if she does pick up, she may not reply to texts, but she will know you're there should she need you. Ask her what practical help she need too. Do it! You sound a caring friend; I'm sure she would appreciate you being there for her now. Remember her when this lockdown is over too - offer little trips out, coffee at your house, simple ordinary things that will help her realise that life will be alright again. Often the bereaved receive a lot of "face to face" support until after the funeral, this lady isn't even going to get that at the moment. Be there for her when the restrictions are lifted.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 17/04/2020 22:24

When DH died, the best gift I was sent was a bottle of gin, through Amazon. Completely unexpected. I had flowers from everyone, but the gin was the thing I remember the most.

MrsSchadenfreude · 17/04/2020 22:27

Please phone her! When my Dad died, a lovely neighbour kept leaving casseroles or lasagne on the doorstep, along with a bottle of wine.

MaggieFS · 17/04/2020 22:29

If you can get some ready meals or nice things like brownies delivered, do that. Otherwise a card with a nice message and regular phone calls. Until my DF died, I'd always thought the bereaved would be too busy to talk or have other people on the phone, but mostly that's not the case and most people actually want to talk. She'll most probably let you know if she doesn't.

Fishfingersandwichplease · 17/04/2020 22:29

Def pick up the phone and give her a call - a friendly voice is probably just what she needs and won't cost a penny xx

pennow · 17/04/2020 22:35

My 23yr old son died on 1st April. My best friend has text me a hug every day and just been there whenever I have needed her. She sent a rose named for my son from www.rosenames.co.uk I have planted it in the garden and go every day to spend time thinking about him looking at it.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 22:36

I’m sorry about your son @pennow

and anyone else who has lost someone precious Flowers

Original poster
TaighNamGastaOrt · 17/04/2020 22:37

thanks everyone, really helpful! I have spoken to her and we chatted and laughed. She has her kids with her and her family are close by. I will call her in future though and see if she wants to talk.
Its hard as I live a few hundred miles away and she lives on an island so M&S vouchers might not be much good! Food delivery a great idea but she's eating well. she is teetotal or I'd send her gin-thanks!!
I'm just shit with death but I really want to send her something lovely!!

OP posts:
gavisconismyfriend · 17/04/2020 22:37

Another shout out for Bloom and Wild. If you download the app you usually get 15% off your first order.

BunnytheHoneyBee · 17/04/2020 22:39

No one really knows what to say OP so don’t worry about that.

When I lost my DD I found myself not knowing what to say sometimes!

The main thing is that you don’t avoid your friend because of that. Sounds like you’re not doing that but many do unfortunately.

cabbageking · 17/04/2020 22:42

Could you send a plant or tree to plant in the garden as a memorial.

You can do cards online?