Why THE FUCK can I not cook with melted chocolate?

[CheriLittlebottom]

Every. Single. Fucking. Time. It does that stupid go dry and solid thing.

Thought I was overheating it but this time it was perfectly melted until I took it off the bain Marie and added it to the other ingredients - exactly what the recipe told me to do and it STILL FUCKED UP! WHY????

So pissed off. I had given up trying but DD really wanted to make something and I actually found a recipe for rocky road in a proper recipe book so that it wouldnt fuck up AND YET FUCK UP IT DID. AGAIN!!

I want to stamp my feet and cry angry tears. What a fucking waste of chocolate.

Also, for Rocky road, I just melt butter and chocolate together in a pan then add the crushed biscuits and marshmallows to it. Works every time.

You’ve added warm chocolate to cold butter and condensed milk...that will make it seize. I make loads of those cakes for people, and it’s never seized. Melt your butter first, then add in the condensed milk, and then chocolate. I don’t even use a Bain Marie as the butter stops the chocolate from overheating.

OP,
On very low heat, add a splash of milk and a knob of butter. Warm these.

Drop the squares into this mixture.
Keep stirring gently.

I never have a problem.
Add a little more milk if required.👍

Do this in a small little pan.

But the butter in with it as it melts in the bowl over boiling water. Then mix that with the other ingredients.

I use that Sainsbury basic chocolate. Cheap as chips but does the job.

What I've found is that chocolate continues to melt for a minute or so after it's taken off the heat, so "perfectly melted" on the heat = overdone after another minute or so off it. I always take the chocolate off just before it seems done. Eg still has a few small unmelted lumps, then I continually stir it to melt those as I'm using it. This works for me.

I think everyone's advice about the melting part is good, and it seemed to work for you this time but went wrong after somehow.

When I make rocky road, I our some melted chocolate in the bottom of the dish and then scatter over a load of the fillings. Then add more chocolate, more fillings and repeat until its finished. Rather than trying to mix it all in a bowl.

Might help your chocolate stay a nice consistency to do it like that?

• I pour

I can never make flapjacks...always end up either too sticky or thin. No advice with the choc OP but l feel your pain x

I feel your pain. It's tremendously annoying when your choc seizes and sadly here is no way to fix it.

I agree with what many others have said that it's likely the water or steam from the Bain Marie getting into it when you go to pour it out. Just don't use a Bain Marie.

Use a microwave and go slowly with short bursts on low power. Take it out before it's fully melted, give it a good stir and the rest will melt in the residual heat. Every year at Christmas for about the last twenty years I have made hundreds of choccies for family and friends so I have some experience.

When I make rocky road, I our some melted chocolate in the bottom of the dish and then scatter over a load of the fillings. Then add more chocolate, more fillings and repeat until its finished. Rather than trying to mix it all in a bowl.

This is genius. Will try this next time in about four years when I've recovered from the fucking trauma of this time round.

I microwave it on the defrost setting, its slow but it comes out fine.

I dont do it in a bowl over boiling water like you’re supposed to.

I just heard it at the lowest heat on the hob in a milk pan stirring continuously. I’ve never had a problem.

Hope it works @CheriLittlebottom
You can ensure even distribution of fillings that way too.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't believe in curses but I definitely have some kind of pastry curse. I used to make it easily and now I do the exact same thing as before but it just turns out like greasy crumbly dust every time. I just buy it ready made now.

You can rescue seized chocolate by (weirdly) adding water. Honestly.

Also, when using a Bain Marie (I don't have one, just a Pyrex bowl on a saucepan) it helps if you bring the water to only just boiling then turn off the heat and stick the bowl on top. If the water is boiling with the bowl on top you run the risk of the steam escaping through the sides and getting into the chocolate.

Chocolate melts really easily so you just let it sit for a while before you give it a stir, then let it sit again. If you think it's getting too hot or about to seize then you can seed it with some more pieces of chocolate to bring the temperature down, making sure it's off the heat and you've dried the outside of the bowl with a tea towel just in case. Alternatively if you're making a ganache, heat the cream and pour on top of the chocolate. Much easier that way round.

I've never really had a problem with chocolate, possibly because I

Did you use proper butter or spreadable stuff?

I find that makes a difference.

*gah. I'm very cautious and have a shit slow-to-heat hob, that should say!