My bloody dad. I give up.

[Connie222]

84 year old dad, had surgery for bowel cancer last year, living with prostate cancer, had skin cancer removed from his face two years ago - so bloody well should not be leaving the house as he’d hardly be a priority to be treated.

I’ve managed to get him a delivery huge slot for last week to stock him up on everything he’s need for at lest six weeks (he lives 150 miles from me), hooked him up with two charities in his area who are able to help him with top up shops if he needs anything fresh and picking up his prescriptions - one of which has a volunteer phoning him twice a week for a chat to see how he’s doing. Aside from being bored and lonely all good.

Today he tells me that his blue badge arrived on Monday (he’s got severe arthritis in his knees) and how fantastic it is that he can now park up outside the front of fucking Asda and moaning that while he was now able to park outside all the barbers in his town that none of them were open.

I thought I’d got it though to him that he shouldn’t be going out. I’d got everything in place for him to be comfortable and not have to worry about food and medication and now this.

He thinks all is fine and back to normal because Asda has loads of toilet roll and tins again.

For fucks sake. I feel so deflated.

If my aunt was still alive she would insist on going out everyday. She was very stubborn like that. Mind you, my brother said she would not open the door to CV! That is a family joke because she would never open the door or be available if anyone was coming round. The problems we had not getting a plumber for her but getting her to open the door to one!!!

My aunty and uncle take my 91 year old nanna shopping. 😳

I have a parent like this, at Asda every day, popping to Waitrose and the village for this and that. Really not getting it at all.

Then became unwell and has been in hospital for a week with Covid-19. Thankfully is doing ok but bloody hell the stress of it all has been unreal.

My 95 year old grandma says she’s fine, because her neighbour (who is 73 herself) is going to the supermarket for her, bringing the food in and putting it away for her, then staying for a cup of tea. So it’s all good. Because she’s not lonely. That’s her main consideration. Nothing my mum or I say seems to get through that the worry is the germs her neighbour is bringing in. She says ‘oh, it’s only Beryl, it’s fine. We’ll carry on as we are thank you’!!!

I think I’m just going to have to let go. It’s stressing me out so much. I’m pregnant and doing everything I can to avoid it myself. I can’t understand why he won’t look after himself. He always says his biggest fear is dying alone without my Ds and Dd being with him - so why the hell put himself at risk with this where he would 100% be dying alone?

I wrote on another post my gran is the same. In her late 80s and says we're all just scared and she won't be scared of a virus. I guess she's just seen too much for this to bother her.
Doesn't matter what we say to her.

I'd be blunt with him and say that while he's not observing isolation like this, your kids won't be coming near him, even if he is dying. It's his choice then what he does. You've spelled it out and can step back.

@Butterymuffin I told him that at the beginning of all this, well before the actual lock down when he was guilt tripping me over not seeing him for the foreseeable future as we are self isolating (as he should be).

He said that if he got it then I would look after him. I told him very bluntly then that we would not be seeing him if he got ill, even on his death bed, even if he was allowed a visitor I would not be there as my children staying healthy and my unborn baby are my only priorities right now. That’s when I thought I’d finally got it though to him to stay in. Feels like a slap in the face.

I think life - and death - are put into a different perspective when you're much older, which is why it is so difficult to persuade a lot of older people to change their ways. To many, I think death is closer, more familiar, less terrifying, more likely. To us, we think they're being selfish and ridiculous; to them, their priorities have changed.

Tell him that he’s allowed to go for a walk but he mustn’t enter shops as he clearly doesn’t need any essential supplies so he’s just placing himself at risk of death by unnecessarily visiting them

Can you tell him that if he gets ill, he could be taking away a ventilator from a child who had no choice in having an asthma attack or something like that's?

@BertiesLanding if they’re not afraid of death as you’re saying, do they still expect medical assistance when it’s their time to go? Because my sister works IN a Covid pod and they’re already struggling to cope, they’re understaffed and running out of resources and we haven’t reached peak yet. People that think they’re invincible or who “aren’t afraid of death” and are just carrying on as normal are just selfish - frankly they are a complete drain on the NHS right now.

Meanwhile, medics are dying.

My grandfather (96) the same... until he was cautioned by police last week for walking to the shop for his paper. So hopefully police will be about where he lives too !

There is no dealing with stupid. Its not stubborn - its STUPID. They might feel they are fine and will be careful etc etc. Maybe they feel they are towards the end of their lives. What if they were a carrier, how would they feel if they spread it to the newsagent or the bus driver or do they not care.

My mum and dad are lying to us about how often they are going out despite repeated reprimands . I actually tested them and hearing your dad skirt around the truth without skipping a beat is really something. The tables have completely turned . I also wish I'd lied more when I was a teenager now.

Maybe telling these people that countless people have lost their jobs in order for them to stay safe may get through to them.

Sunglasses you're so right, fucking stupid. My dad is on the shield list and and has spent all day driving around to find a new mechanic to service his car.
Fucking ridiculous, thinks he's 25, and he took great offence I won't let him in my house to see my 4 year old for her birthday who also is prone to a bad chest.

I didn't say they weren't afraid of death. I said that it was "less terrifying" and a more palpable reality. I've heard it said that as you get older, your concept of the world gets smaller and smaller. What's going on outside your immediate environs gets less distinct. Much like a child, it's a form of regression. So, yes, there may well be fear when they're sick, but that's the first point where it hits home.

Reading threads like this infuriate me. I hate the "oh they're so stubborn" attitude. No, they're putting themselves in the position of being a drain on an already crumbling NHS.

I'm not going to write what my truly honest opinion is on it because I'd end up getting banned from the site! But I think you all need to start telling your older family members that they're potentially killing other people, never mind themselves.

Really sitting on my hands trying not to write my next sentence....

Thing is that when they get ill who will they call?? YOU!!!

You will be the one sorting everything out, taking into account their fussy little issues whilst they are screaming for a ventilator (sorry to be so graphic).

My Father is in a home so its as best as it can be. MY DM is a different matter. She is desperate to go out - I have told her so is the rest of the UK. I know she is lying about going out to get a paper every day. The shop is literally 2 mins walk and they are only allowing 1 person in at a time so its not as though there is any pushing and shoving. I dont know what we can do. She is accepting that we cannot visit and she lives on her own in a very small house but you know who will be called if something happens....

MUGGINS HERE!!!

To be honest, I’m really fucked off that my life is ruined to protect people like this. My dad too.

Masotte and others. Its not ruined. Honestly, it will pass. I know it seems awful at present. DH work has completely dried up but we have savings - so we should have as we are in our late 50's.

I really feel sorry for our children who will be paying for this for the rest of their lives. We are firehosing billions and there seems to be no real end in sight. I also have some worries about the way some of the CV deaths are being reported. A 103 year old dying of CV, a young 21 year girl dying with no underlying health issues (but it came out later she had a heart attack). The average age of people dying is late 70's.

What I am concerned about is the two nurses who died today. What on earth happened to them.

@jellybeans44 no matter how blunt I am he doesn’t get it.

My Ds is 17 and my dad was saying to him a few days ago that he feels sorry for him wasting his life by staying in the house all the time, doesn’t he want to see his friends. Ds got quite pissy with him, said that he wasn’t wasting his life he was potentially saving it, and that of of others by staying in - and that he wouldn’t cope with the guilt if he went out and brought the virus home while I was pregnant so it was an easy choice to make to stay at home. That’s a 17 year old.

All my dad did was laugh at him and say that when he was 17, no one would have got him to stay in the house and call him pathetic.

So yes, he’s stupid. As much as it pains me to say it as I’ve never thought of him that way, he’s always been a very capable person. But he has got increasingly selfish as he’s got older, expecting me to live my life around him. He’s just pissed off that I’m refusing to dance to his tune any more and be guilt tripped into seeing him when ever he chooses (we have lots of issues to be fair).

I am getting so pissed off with the old and vulnerable twattery. They need to stay in their fucking houses.

The rest of us are losing jobs and the economy is tanking FOR THEM. So they should show some fucking respect.