My bloody dad. I give up.

[Connie222]

84 year old dad, had surgery for bowel cancer last year, living with prostate cancer, had skin cancer removed from his face two years ago - so bloody well should not be leaving the house as he’d hardly be a priority to be treated.

I’ve managed to get him a delivery huge slot for last week to stock him up on everything he’s need for at lest six weeks (he lives 150 miles from me), hooked him up with two charities in his area who are able to help him with top up shops if he needs anything fresh and picking up his prescriptions - one of which has a volunteer phoning him twice a week for a chat to see how he’s doing. Aside from being bored and lonely all good.

Today he tells me that his blue badge arrived on Monday (he’s got severe arthritis in his knees) and how fantastic it is that he can now park up outside the front of fucking Asda and moaning that while he was now able to park outside all the barbers in his town that none of them were open.

I thought I’d got it though to him that he shouldn’t be going out. I’d got everything in place for him to be comfortable and not have to worry about food and medication and now this.

He thinks all is fine and back to normal because Asda has loads of toilet roll and tins again.

For fucks sake. I feel so deflated.

I’ve noticed the same in my road. A lot of our neighbours are 70+ and it appears as if many of them are carrying on as normal. My next door neighbour (mid 80’s) comes back from the supermarket every single day with a Tesco bag of stuff. He also pops out in his car multiple times during the day, where he goes I have no idea.

My husband’s cousin who is pregnant and has diabetes is also seemingly (from her fb posts) popping out for inane crap like chocolate spread at the supermarket when it takes her fancy. She won’t let us do her shopping for her, but insists she’s ‘shielding’. Really?!

It blows my mind how breathtakingly selfish some people are being when others are risking everything - everything - to keep them safe.

I think it's less real to older people because they aren't at work/school. It was being in a meeting where we agreed to all work from home that made it real for me.

They have had less of a major lifestyle change.

My Italian friend has the same problem, her and her sister are playing good cop bad cop with her parents.

It isn't just the elderly who are dying of this video. And we do need to help the NHS. But I am not worried that the virus will see off swathes of the elderly.

I think I've got through to my 86 yr old mil who lives with us in a granny flat, that I will only go shopping when we actually need food not just to keep her stock piles of food high. I will not take risks when I don't need to.

@testing987654321 yes. It’s almost like a cognitive problem, a level of incomprehension that’s more than just stubbornness - I agree they don’t seem to understand that their lifestyle has to change, perhaps because it hasn’t been turned upside down, as younger people’s has.

My MIL is in her 70s with existing respiratory issues. Went from being casual about the virus to getting very worried and texting me repeatedly with news stories about young healthy people it’s killed. Stressful but I thought oh well, at least she’ll stay at home now. NOPE, texted me yesterday to say she’d had to go round four or five shops before finding one that was open for her milk and daily paper.

We already got her online Sainsburys delivery and a digital subscription to the paper and her neighbours have offered to pick her up anything she wants. But she’s still ‘popping out’

My siblings and I eventually did Good Cop, Bad Cop with our parents, who have three local adult children and several sets of neighbours who can (and do) drop groceries and pick up prescriptions, but who kept nipping out for the paper or to the supermarket ‘because no one else understands the special offers.’

I was Bad Cop. I pointed out that they would die alone, and not even have a funeral. But it took a minor local celebrity dying in his early 60s to make an impact.

I can't believe people are being this stupid and selfish. I'm on the shielding list but my husband is still having to go out, this means I can't hug or kiss him, we're having to sleep in separate rooms and he can't even hold his own son. People who are going out unnecessarily are just increasing the risk he will bring it home and my baby could grow up without a mother.

My parents keep “popping out to Tesco” even though they have a veg box delivery and loads of smaller shops in their area will deliver. They have a ton of food in their house too.

I have made it very clear that as I live 250 miles away I won’t be able to leave my DC to look after them.

my mother is late 70s and extremely independent and strong willed and loves nothing better than getting in her little car and going to the shops several times a week, different shops, different things.

She has not been out mixing at all since lockdown or used her car, just does the once a day exercise round her quiet streets with her small dog and tells me she crosses the road if someone is walking towards her. She even has a several layer mask she has made from a scarf! She would never stop her once a day exercise for the dog, I've offered to walk him with mine but she needs to get out and wants to do at least that.

I actually thought she would be more defiant but she is completely on board and rings me with her shopping requirements whilst slagging off that days rebels she has seen walking past her window in groups, standing chatting blocking the pavement etc.

I’ve had some very strongly worded exchanges with my mum this week. She’s 78 and has cancer but was planning to go out shopping and collect her medications (a round trip walk of about 5 miles). Eventually she agreed that I could drop them off instead and we agreed I’d leave them on her doorstep and wave to her through the window.

When I arrived she was standing at the open front door waiting for me. I called from the road that I wasn’t approaching the house until she was inside with the door shut and she eventually went inside and waved as agreed but I could see she was crying and it broke my heart. She is so lonely and isolated.

My young adult D.C. are very black and white about the self isolation of the elderly but I am ambivalent. I know my mum would much rather I had hugged her that day and even come in for a chat even if it did lead to her dying sooner rather than later. The isolation is for the greater good so I’m abiding by the rules but it seems very hard that old people who have already been through so much are now condemned to months and months of loneliness. What I did that day feels heartless and inhuman and I am very ashamed that I left her like that.

My dad (73) is mostly staying put and only walking to the pharmacy for his prescription. Otherwise he’s getting his shopping delivered and doing everything else online, and staying home.

My landlady (68), on the other hand, should be shielding due to respiratory issues, but keeps popping out to meet friends (“we keep 2m apart!” yeah like fuck you do) or to the shop for a paper.

Today she was talking about going to pick up compost, then her sister turned up with the paper.

Sadly it is going to take someone they know dying of it before they’ll stop. I am stuck here and feel like a sitting duck.

And when I go out for some exercise, most of the people I see are 70+. It’s not getting through. They think they’re invincible.

My parents are the same. Early 70s, one has health problems. I repeatedly offered to do their shopping and drop it off. They sent me a list this week, all very specific and hard to find items, DH went out of his way trying to find them with our own weekly shop, so prolonging his time in the supermarket unnecessarily. I made a 1.5hr round trip to drop it off.

Well, it turns out my mum had already been to their local supermarket, and this was the list of things they couldn't find there and wanted anyway

I told her that we're happy to do a full shop to protect them but if they're bloody going anyway, we are not offering a specialist food finder service. Mum: "oh that's fine, we like to go and have a look and choose what we want".

I'm an NHS doctor too and have better things to do with my time right now. They are very worried about me but absolutely do not connect it to their stupid actions in going out when they don't need to, though I have pointed this out.

Grr. Just needed to rant.

My dad thinks the whole thing is overhyped so I doubt he's following the rules. There's nothing I can do about the actions of others so I'm just trying my best to be sensible.

My dad is 86 and he's not got any underlying health issues, apart from taking statins and having had 2 hip operations last year. (?) He's going shopping once a week for his big shop, even tho there's plenty of people who could do it, fair enough, that's his choice.
Every day he walks to the local One- stop to get his paper. His point is is that it's his daily exercise, as per government instructions. He says that people over 70 with underlying health issues were told to stay in, not all over 70',s. Fair enough, that's his interpretation, although it's not necessarily the opinion of the rest of us.
There is also the mentality of "I've been in the Blitz,I was bombed in the war" etc etc, of which I'm sure many of you have heard from your relatives.
It's not an argument you are going to win.