Anyone else's home school heading for special measures?

[Eurotrotters]

One week in and there's mutiny at The Eurotrotters Academy. Year three has lost all faith because the teacher couldn't identify different rock types. Meanwhile, Reception has abandoned class and is talking to a group of snails he found in the garden and the head can't bend her knees after two days of PE with Joe.

to all the teachers out there.

This school needs a miracle. It has one teacher who failed teacher training and was kicked off the course. The pupils will learn nothing.

All the staff and half the pupils were sick last term, and it's now holidays chez Parlabane.

I've looked up what they're supposed to be learning so as the SENCO I've decided we're talking about the topics and ensuring both pupils understand (doing very well in Science, OK in English, Maths yet to happen be graded).

Life skills has got both pupils passing Basic and Intermediate Dishwasher Emptying, Y3 passing Basic Dishwasher Loading and Tea Making, and so far Y6 failing Basic Hair Washing...

@avrilpoissons - I omitted to say that during a science / telly / viniculture / Harry Potter "lesson" last week, whisky was added to the ginger wine "to make a potion".

The staff room was noticeably quiet for the rest of the morning. And for a considerable amount of time in the afternoon....

The Dream Academy is an all-age school, and whilst the Secondary provision is outstanding (the pupil has taken over and is self-managing, impeccably) the Primary provision Requires Improvement.

Primary provision is too basic, limited to core subjects, DT lego and endless reading. PE Games curriculum is very narrow, being limited to Just Dance, though the pupil benefits from being regularly active and participating daily because he doesn't want to do any mfl, geography, history, re etc

Teaching staff are seen in school too infrequently, but when they are present there is constructive dialogue with pupils and they seem to maintain warm relationships with them.

IT provision seems adequate, but strangely games computers only operate after school for extra-curricular clubs, which are well attended.

At least there have been absolutely no complaints about the school dinners!

Teacher on strike here, school cook and cleaner maybe joining her soon.

@MahMahMahMahCorona That's cross curricular teaching - well done, links to learning about other cultures and ticks a big box. You'll be promoted before you know it

Teacher has resigned! Surely everything in year 7 is recapped multiple times before GCSE's

Thankfully we’ve started the Easter holidays so will be off for three weeks.

@ADreamOfGood Are you.... one of Them?

The wild one year old keeps escaping the nursery, trashing the year one classroom and climbing on the windowsills. I haven't bothered having a drink in two years but I can't see that lasting long.

Year 3 class at BingPot academy will never achieve a pass in the end of term arithmetic test because the teacher failed to adequately explain The Column Method and the lesson ended in the pupils going off to read in the den / Fort. Cookery lessons were oof an acceptable standard and resulted in delicious but lumpy mashed potato.

We used to do projects, I used to love them.
Tell the kids to find a subject they like and learn about it.

Year 2, whilst not yet meeting expected targets, is progressing well. They have thanked Miss several times “for everything she does for them” and enjoy all tasks set (particularly if work receives a sweet reward).
Year 3 has a tendency to truancy when Miss is teaching other students. Behaviour in year 3 falls well below expected standards (expectations at this time are also exceptionally low). Year 3 has also expressed dissatisfaction with provision of equipment as they would be able to work much better if a whole new set of novelty stationery were bought despite being unable to go anywhere to buy this at the moment.
Year 8 has zero ICT skills and requires support to plug the printer in, never mind to do actual work. However, art skills, reading and creative writing have a very strong focus in this year group (because she only wants to do what she’s good at)
Year 9 has terrible punctuality as he won’t get up until lunch. All work is completed very, very slowly on his laptop (or possibly very quickly in between endless YouTube).
The canteen is running low on food and the tuck shop is shut. The school is understaffed as the other teacher has CV symptoms.

Oh I used to love a good project. Fishing and the Tudors still spring to mind many, many, many years on.

Wtf school was placed into special measures on day 1, head was sacked and an associate head took over, rumour has it that the Easter break has been cancelled to keep mini wtf on a proper schedule.

We’ve managed nothing other than a bit of reading.

The pupils have split the rest of the time between whining, refusing to work, and distracting each other from any attempts at work.

So much so that we've done zero work today

The head was almost in tears explaining fractions to a recalcitrant year 8 this morning. Deputy head seems to have quit...
The youngest pupil has excellent switch playing skills, but is refusing to do his 'spallings'
So they have switched to an apprenticeship in cooking and are making dinner while the head necks wine

The headteacher fears her chocolate addiction, which has massively ramped up in the past few days, will lead to her fellow staff member leading an intervention.
Fellow staff member has a job that actually allows him to leave the house. And occasionally interact with other humans. The headteacher feels a little murder-y about this. She doesn't think chocolate counts as an essential product in the eyes of the local shop keepers, and worries she will run out of her fix/lose her own, very rare, interactions with people she is not related too. (She does only go in for essentials, the chocolate is a bonus, but fellow staff member did a very complete shop the other day, and essentials will not be needed for a while.)
The year 5 pupil is a mardy pre-teen. She is doing OK with school work, but needs to work on concentration and independent learning. She is also heading for a boot-camp in keeping one's room tidy.
The little pre-preschooler needs a reminder lesson in how to nap, so that the headteacher can actually do her secondary role of cleaner.

Overall, 'could do better'.

Miss Pain, the head teacher is facing disciplinary measures as she has yet to do any work. The pupils are self-educating on Disney+.

@avrilpoissons oh dear, what are they?

Betelgeuse school male teacher had to make a video conference call today and to stock up on the essential home Ed liquid supplies for the teachers. Year 11 class studied technology in the medium of Xbox for most of the day, then an hour of advanced level martial arts via a live video stream for PE. Possible English or Maths to do later. Year 4 class has been studying astronomy via YouTube kids. PE has been in the form of bouncing around like a loon on the trampoline.
Female teacher has been looking after 20 year old disabled DS and is looking forward to a good rest once he is asleep.

Ms DefCon was moonlighting on her other job all day today. The SEN year 7 is hiding away wrapped in a blanket emerging only for snacks. Having marked the year 5 work it seems pupil and teacher have very different opinions on what a completed maths worksheet looks like. Thankfully the supply teacher Mr DefCon is coming in tomorrow.

The Head here was told by Year 1 pupil this was the 'best school ever' as she got to eat brownies whilst working out number bonds defo earned the after about to lose me rag yesterday ha!

they - they who make phone calls by 1pm