Who isn't ok at the moment?

[Thorilicious]

I'm doing mostly OK, apart from getting serious fear over the unknown.
I've also completely over reacted to a spilt drink that one of the dcs knocked over...

Me

Me. I think I’m having people withdraw symptoms as I keep dreaming about being in big groups of people or out in busy pubs/clubs socialising- which is quite ironic as I’m a bit of an introvert. But I’m really, really missing people! Anyone else?

I’m okay with the whole corona virus in general, my mental health is taking a hit with the homeschooling and being with everyone 24/7. We have 8 people in our house, usually only 2 of us and the 3 kids, it’s usually very rare we are all in at the same time. I’m on the verge of saying fuck it to homeschooling even though DP wants them to continue but I feel like my brain is going to explode. DS 12 is autistic so requires a lot of help and is very stressed and anxious.
and for some reason dd7 needs my help with everything when her teacher told me no longer than 3 weeks ago that she barley needs to help her she gets on with things by herself. I actually miss work. It’s my birthday Thursday and I’m not usually bothered too much but for some reason it’s fucked me off that we are in this situation on my birthday. So just hanging on by a thread...

Not good today, I’m at work tomorrow and don’t want to go. So worried me or DH will become ill and pass it to our DS who has underlying health problems. He’s 13 so reading about the poor boy who has died has really got to me tonight.

Also not a good day here. DH would fall into the category of not getting a ventilator potentially (despite being under 40) and my child also has significant health problems.

Day time is fine - I cope, we all do our stuff and then bed time comes and I just can’t settle and then the anxiety ramps up. We haven’t left the house in over a week. And I know it keeps them safe, but it just compounds the MH elements of this shit.

for @maudspellbody I’m sorry you’re ill and hope you feel better soon

Well after a particularly shit few days I rang the doctors to say to get back on the ADs. Expecting a call back tomorrow. I've debated on and off as to going back on them. It was the work situation I think that's tipped me over the edge.
When you're on lockdown you can't escape your demons can you?
I've just found out I've got pcos and I've known for ages I'm quite overweight, obsese technically but you wouldn't have think it to look at me, I've just got a very small frame. So I can't even console myself in yummy naughty foods as we want to conceive (although that'll be on hold until after Xmas now I think, after covid and once I've lost weight and eventually off the ADs).
I was also wondering if it was a good idea going back onto the them due to it affecting my weight, but I guess if I sort my head out first, I can then sort my body.

@Really123456 I called my Dr today too, to increase my anxiety meds.
I hope you feel better soon.

I’m not ok, struggling with my 2 kids who are being little terrors but I can’t blame them. Their sleep pattern has gone to shit so it’s easier to have them both in our room. I haven’t got the energy to keep getting up and putting them back in bed. I had my a panic attack last night which I haven’t had for a few years. The whole situation is just really over whelming

Sorry to hear that XXX Panic attacks are complete bitches!!!!

Thanks OP XXX

Me. I ended up in tears this morning which hasn't happened in ages. Boss is being a micro managing jerk plus blaming everyone else but him for the slightest thing and changing things unilaterally. I've stopped making any work decisions as I cant trust him so hate my job as I have no control over what I do - takes me back to a time I was bullied at work.
When I am home I can sometimes kid myself that all is ok but I used to shop every couple of days on the way home from work and missing the social interaction.

I was doing really well but seeing toddler DD seem so sad today asking about doing things we used to has really upset me (though I'm trying not to show it - hiding upstairs now while she watches TV with DH)

Also pregnant so hormones probably not helping

I'm not ok. I'm struggling to admit it IRL actually. This CV situation is just one too many things to deal with. I'm a teacher, and I'm mostly working from home, I've now hit a complete brick wall and I can't do anything. I stare at the screen and I just can't do it, even though I know I have to. Everyone else seems to be coping with it and facing up to the problems, I can't seem to solve them. And that's what I'm good at - problem solving. My own kids are taking up so much of my time because they're struggling being at home. When I go into work for my shift it's hell, it's like nothing I've dealt with before. The rota came through for next week today and I just cried. None of this is a real actual problem, so I feel insanely guilty that I can't cope with any of it: I'm not even sick, how can I be this rubbish at coping? I don't even work frontline, how can I be falling apart when all I have to do is sit on the sofa and other people have to work with the sick and dying? The evenings seem the worst, from about 4pm I can't make any decisions. I can't even decide what to make for dinner right now. I've been sat here for 45 mins just doing nothing to sort my family.

Sorry to rant, I think I just needed to get it off my chest a bit.

I’m mostly ok. Had the virus (I think) but scared the worst is yet to come and I’ll get really unwell again. It’s like I can’t believe I’d be lucky enough to be over it (if it even is “it”) already. Trying to focus on keeping myself healthy.

Me. I'm not ok today :(

Struggling mentally. Been locked up in a flat with no outdoor space with 3 kids for weeks. Mid selling (2 months into the process) and scared buyer will pull out.

Arguing with my husband more and tensions are rising. Fear of the unknown. Sick of all the scaremongering and fake news plastered all over social media. I just want life back to normal like everyone else.

@dizzywoman can you do shifts with the kids as it were? 1-2 hr walk around somewhere then lunch, video, little bit of school work, arty stuff with you both doing alternating days so you get space from eachother? Xx

I'm not doing okay really

I'm just lying in bed when I get home. Don't have the motivation to do anything. Everytime I try and distract myself it's just everywhere, on the TV, the radio, it's all anyone can talk about.

I work for the NHS. I go into work and I just don't know what's happening day in day out, everything changes so rapidly. It's stressful, I don't know what's going to happen. Every single decision I make is based on it, every email is about it.

I'm so anxious all the time. I feel so powerless. And there's lots of chirpy 'look after your mental health' things, but I don't really know how I'm supposed to do this tbh. I need to escape it for a bit but I just cant

@ChubbyPigeon you're doing an amazing job!!!
But to look after others properly you need to look after yourself so you can keep people safe.
Eat chocolate, drink a glass of wine, put on a comedy (Derry Girls helped me turn a corner in my last depressive episode!).
Go for a walk.
Make sure you buy some flowers every time you get milk and bread.
You are worth it xxxxxx

@Really123456
Ive been dressed in my running gear all day - I'm still yet to go. Husband is working from home (constant calls) and baby is teething badly and so clingy so not been able to do anything.

I wish we could take it in turns. I feel mentally exhausted. I feel so guilty that my kids have barely any fresh air. I'm literally crying as I write this. I'm sure so many others feel the same as me x

I'm not ok. Just did a massive hysterical laughing sobbing stupid thing and am now hiding away. Work is so full on and I have DS and mum to think of, I can't focus. I just feel like running away tbh but can't do that. How front line NHS staff are coping I do not know. I feel bad even moaning about it when others have it so much worse so now I feel guilty too. No idea what to do. Look like shit also for added bonus.

I’m not sleeping well, and am then so tired and lacking in motivation during the day. Then I fell crap about myself for not doing much.

I’ll try once again to break the cycle tonight/tomorrow....

Oh yes, the guilt as I actually have nothing to really worry about compare to many.

I'm not at all ok. I am struggling with bereavement which had just got to the point of having one day where the grief wasn't all consuming but since then it is getting worse. I made a telephone appointment with the GP but it was the only appointment available so I cancelled it as others are in greater need. I emailed an organisation about grief counselling but they have a waiting list and can't help at the moment.
I am lucky in that I am getting paid but it's minimum wage so it's not going far with the DCs at home and needing more food than normal and the extra money I have spent for revision guides to keep them up to speed with GCSE and A level work as both have exams in 2021.
I have had to make the decision that an elderly relative will not be on a ventilator and will have palliative care only if they get this virus, they live in a care home and another resident has it. I have had to make that decision twice this year now. But still I am in a better position than the people in India and other people in this country. The reality of it for me is that it is highly like that I, my youngest child and my aunt and parent will all die if we get this. It could be worse but I am not sure how much longer I can keep saying it.
I wish the BBC and other news websites would split their sites into CV news and non-CV news to enable people not coping to be able to avoid the news. We know it's bad without having it on the news all the time.

I'm not ok but only because I've just watched a news item about footballers' pay and furloughing. I mean if a time like this doesn't highlight our skewed priorities - paying footballers millions while freezing the pay of nurses and stripping scientist's R&D budgets - I don't know what will. What a strange lot we are.

I'm kind of ok, then I go for my walk and become aware of a huge, bulgy ballish feeling inside, that is full of tears and grief, that walking somehow brings to my attention.

This is exactly how I feel hobbyhorses. I feel so sad at how much has changed.

i’ve been in isolation for 16 days now. was starting to think i wouldn’t be in the Shielding group but the letter came today.

and now i’m frightened. i’m on methotrexate for arthritis, and have a massive substernal thyroid goitre that makes breathing difficult anyway when lying down. i was supposed to have thyroid removed in january but they had to stop the operation as they couldn’t keep me oxygenated under anaesthetic.

my thyroid has squished my trachea off to one side and into a pronounced curve (ultrasound shows this) so now i’m panicking that if i do get the virus i’m dead, because they won’t be able to ventilate me anyway.

i’m not ready to die. my mental health is shot anyway, bit today for the first time i had a big cry. i don’t usually let myself cry because if i start it’s hard to stop. but today, all this seems terrifying.

on paper i’m financially fine. i get ESA and PIP and housing benefit. my income and outgoings aren’t affected. but healthwise i feel like i’m utterly fucked.

and what happens after the 12 weeks are up? i still won’t be able to be ventilated if i end up seriously ill. my methotrexate suppresses my immune system but it also makes me prone to chest infections, and i have scarring on my lungs.

the one point of progress i have made is that i gave up smoking after the failed surgery. i vape now. and i know the medical jury is out on that, but i haven’t smoked a cigarette for 2 months now. my smoker’s cough has completely gone, and i was starting to sound like my Nan.

all of which is a very long-winded way of saying: i’m not ok today.

sending love to everyone feeling shit.