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Original poster

I snooped and now I don’t know how to confront him

34 replies

Pinksunday1210 · 31/03/2020 11:02

First of all I know I shouldn’t have snooped, but hear me out.

Me and DP have been together 8 years, have a 18 month old DS. We broke up just after DS was born because he sat me down and told me that when I was around 30 weeks pregnant he started talking to a girl he met of Facebook and when DS was 6 weeks old he met her and had a day out drinking etc. Obviously I ended it then and there. It was one of the most awful times of my life, I was suddenly alone with a small baby and my confidence was at an all time low. He went back to live a his mums and came over every other day to see DS for a few hours.

Towards DS first birthday (September 2019) he started telling me he regretted everything and felt overwhelmed and he’s so so sorry etc

I hated him but I also wanted our family to be together for DS sake. I know a few people who have made it work again after affairs.

So we started being friendly again and started back up again in October2019.

I don’t know why but I started getting paranoid again at the start of the year and put it down to being cheated on before.

This morning he went food shopping and left his phone behind. I know it was a total invasion of privacy but I couldn’t help myself.

I found a messages from a woman from December. Turns out they have met a few time’s, “smoked weed” (lovely isn’t it) back at hers a few times, been for drinks together, been bowling, been to the cinema.

He’s back shortly but I don’t know what to do, I feel distraught and there’s absolutely no coming back from this. No more.

I feel like a fool and I can’t stop crying and I want him gone but obviously now with isolation it’s a little more difficult. I don’t even know how to confront him or explain why I’m upset because I’ll have to admit I snooped.

He hasn’t messaged this woman in a month but that’s only because she’s gone away on a 5 month placement as a hostess on a cruise ship so he can’t physically see her.

Please help me:-(

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 31/03/2020 11:06

End the relationship.

He sleeps in the spare room/sofa. When lockdown eases he fucks off back to the hole he crawled out of.

cheeseandcrackers88 · 31/03/2020 11:10

You ever heard the phrase "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me."

You gave it another go and he's shown you once again that he can't be trusted. He should be fully committed to making things work between you guys but instead he's still out snaking other women. He won't change and you will never trust him.

Don't worry about snooping, you had good reason and your suspicions were proved right. It's just a shame we are in lockdown and you can't kick him out right now.

PlanDeRaccordement · 31/03/2020 11:13

I hated him but I also wanted our family to be together for DS sake.

You should never have gotten back with him. Children growing up with parents who hate each other are more psychologically damaged than growing up with divorced parents/single parents.

Interested in this thread?

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Qgardens · 31/03/2020 11:16

Just tell him you were suspicious and obviously you were right to be. Traveling to his mum's will be an essential journey.

BlackCatSleeping · 31/03/2020 11:18

Just send him back to his mums. You were right to snoop. He hasn’t got a leg to stand on.

Cloudyapples · 31/03/2020 11:18

He can go for his daily exercise and walk all the way to somewhere else to sleep.

givemeacall · 31/03/2020 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shazzanat · 31/03/2020 11:19

So sorry OP. Sending you huge hugs, this must've been such a shock.

Go gentle with yourself, it sounds like you had a good intuition to snoop. Don't listen to anyone saying you shouldn't have taken him back last time, you were thinking about your little boy and your family unit and noone can blame you for that.

This time you know you he will do it again, no more chances. Lots of love to you and your little one, you will get through this and things will be better on the other side sweetheart.

Saladfingers95 · 31/03/2020 11:23

Yeah I think you can class travelling to somewhere else to stay as an essential journey. I would have him a few bags of his essentials packed and by the door ready for him coming back. He can get the rest of his stuff later. Seriously OP men like this very rarely change, he will probably be full of tears and remorse but you must see through the facade. Good luck!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 31/03/2020 11:24

Back to his DM he goes. I can't believe he took 10 months to tell you he regretted it the first time. Sounds like their relationship ended and he was after a replacement.

Don't worry about snooping. If if didn't have anything to hide, there'd be no problem. Me and DH use one smothers's phones from time to time, its normal if you haven't got anything to hide.

Make yourself a brew, try to get DS to have a nap and steel yourself for when he gets back. He needs to leave today.

PeterPanGoesWrong · 31/03/2020 11:32

He cheated once, you gave him a second chance. He’s blown that second chance. There is no way for you to recover from this, he will never improve, and to be honest even if he did, you’d always doubt him.

Once the trust is gone, the relationship has gone. You need him out sooner rather than later.

Im so sorry you’re going through this alone and at such a bad time a hand hold and a for you x

crustycrab · 31/03/2020 11:40

If he's not back already then pack a bag of the stuff he'll need for the next couple of weeks and stick it on the doorstep.

Look forward to a life without the cheating scumbag. You don't need him

Windyatthebeach · 31/03/2020 11:43

Having a dm with self respect is better for you ds..
I would get planning his leaving... Lockdown over he gets the boot..
Cms immediately...

OldUnit · 31/03/2020 11:45

Yep! Bye Boy!

At least you know.

HollowTalk · 31/03/2020 11:46

You need to think of yourself now. Can you manage financially alone? If you kick him out does he have somewhere to go to? It'll be much easier if you can tell him to go to his mum's but if he has nowhere to go to that'll be much more difficult. Are you reliant on him for anything?

TippledPink · 31/03/2020 11:49

You had a gut feeling, you acted on that gut feeling (as you should) and you were right! You shouldn't feel guilty for snooping, you had every reason to confirm your fears. Just kick him out, he doesn't have to stay with you just because it's lockdown.

MissBax · 31/03/2020 11:52

Gosh I'm so sorry, what a piece of shit!

caffeinefix · 31/03/2020 11:59

I doubt he stopped seeing her. What a shit. Send him to his mum's. Hope you're ok, OP. You'll get through this

Original poster

Pinksunday1210 · 31/03/2020 12:03

I can support myself financially, he moved back in with me haha the house is in my name (renting)

He came back and is having a shower so waiting till he is finished, not sure how to start it off though.

Definitely no way back this time, he knows somethings wrong though.

I think he still would be seeing her if it weren’t for the fact she’s on a cruise ship somewhere in the Caribbean! How long does this hurt for

Thank you so far for all your replies

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 31/03/2020 12:05

I'd have a bag ready for him when he gets out of the shower.

HollowTalk · 31/03/2020 12:07

He was seeing her when you were pregnant and then when your baby was tiny. Those are the times when people are most protective of their partners and their child. He's absolutely awful, OP.

RogersVideo · 31/03/2020 12:07

It doesn't matter that you snooped. He's cheating, you're going to end the relationship, so who cares. Take care of yourself OP.

sHREDDIES19 · 31/03/2020 12:08

Slimey weasel who's about to get his comeuppance. As cliched as it sounds, you are way too good for someone this pathetic and sneaky. Don't fall for it again, get rid and move on with your lovely baby.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 31/03/2020 12:12

Hand him his phone. Tell him he knows what is coming next and he needs to pack up his stuff and make alternative living arrangements.

You don't have to discuss it. He doesn't get to pretend you have misunderstood. He doesn't get to be affronted that you snooped. He has NOTHING to say about it.

Limpshade · 31/03/2020 12:14

I couldn't care less about the snooping in this case. I actually don't think you should be apologetic about it at all. What an ass.

Hold your head high and tell him he can return to his mum's. Don't let him for one moment hassle you about the snooping. If he tries to, reply, "Yes, I snooped. YOU CHEATED."

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