Zero way of getting married. Forced isolation

[oodlethenoodle]

Hi

I know considering the deaths this isn't a massive deal in the grand scheme of things. Our wedding was cancelled, we can't live together due to our religious beliefs and therefore we are strictly observing the restrictions. It's awful but we are doing it

Missing my fiancé awfully. I know lots are in the same boat and if it was up to me I'd go ahead with the move under the circumstances. DF even suggested it but I knew he really wasn't that okay with it - he's a lot more dedicated than me 😇

We even tried to have a small - one pastor and two witness wedding in our home at the last minute but our local council cancelled our wedding notice and didn't issue the schedule. They were very apologetic 🤷🏽‍♀️ just one of those things

I know I won't achieve anything here. No one knows when we can get married and a few months won't kill us, it's for the best after all. Just horrible though 🤷🏽‍♀️

Oh, @oodlethenoodle that’s such a shame. Do the religious beliefs preclude living together or is it sex outwith marriage that’s forbidden? Probably a stupid idea but wondered if you could house share but not as spouses?

I’m not religious, so forgive me if that’s totally the wrong thing to suggest 😃

We aren't supposed to live together. Plus and this sounds insane but we have suffered over the years by not living together and doing everything "right" despite it being really hard..to just jack all that in to suit ourselves rather than God would just feel like we're wrong

I'm sorry if I'm not articulating that properly

I understand the mass gatherings and the big weddings being cancelled. Totally get it

I'm sure someone will be along soon to tell me to grow up and to sort myself out but today I am giving myself permission to be sad over something that's out of my control

It was nearly over yano. I was finally gonna have the life everyone else in the world has. I was gonna have sex, and get to wake up to my husband. I have waited SO long. Goodness knows when that's gonna happen

@oodlethenoodle That is a shame but don't some have a tiny wedding even during this lockdown?

How old are you?

I know you're feeling mopey but for your sake, you shouldn't just focus on the belief that "it's a life that everyone has". There's people in so many different situations currently - those who are happily married, yes but also those who are unhappily married, separated people, single people, widowed people, etc, so keep remembering it could be far worse (just so you can keep a positive realistic mindset about this)

Ah, I get it. Thanks for explanation. I’m probably clutching at straws for you as I’m away from my man too and finding it very difficult.

I think it’s the uncertainty as to when it will be ok that’s hard.. so fingers crossed for some clarity soon. It will be easier when you can look forward to an actual date.

I’m not surprised you’re sad. 💐 And it’s lovely to read a wedding thread that’s really about wanting to be married to your partner and not a crazy big event!

Could you have the religious ceremony and do the legal bits later? So you are married in the eyes of god

I'm 30

We tried so hard to throw together something just to get the actual marriage bit done. However that wasn't to be..

There are absolutely worse situations to be in. 100%. I have an awful lot to be thankful for, and we are doing our bit by staying indoors as much as possible

Exercise and cleaning are my saviours. I suspect the dog thinks I'll vacuum her up soon 😂

I dunno. I was SO close to the finishing line, if you like. I've waited years to be "normal." I know marriage isn't some fairytale but I was so excited

Plus there's the mind blowing thing. The world is massive, we have always had options as human beings to pretty much do what we want. Now we can't. Mind bending stuff

Fiancé will still be there for me at the end of this, and hopefully so will all of our loved ones. There's a massive disaster going on and that isn't lost on me, but sitting about all day does strange things to the mind

Could you get married by proxy?

That is a good question! Two of my siblings had godparents attend their Christenings by proxy. Is that possible in your religion?
I just wanted to say I get it, you were finally getting to the sunny uplands and are now being sent back down the hill and it's so frustrating 😣

@oodlethenoodle I really feel for you having to postpone your wedding and moving in with your fiancé must be so disappointing.

There are loads of people who are currently in the process of reassessing their expectations of both the now and the near future, but just because you’re not the only one doesn’t mean it affects you less. I think it’s really healthy to take time to recognise and feel the feelings that go along with all this, there’s as little to be gained from bottling this all up as there is from moping.

Can you do the religious bit now, legal bit later?

Sorry:

I don't think so, I guess without the legal aspect then we aren't really married so therefore..no 😞

Proxy isn't recognised in the UK

I don't think we have any options

So sorry OP, my friends’ daughter is in exactly the same position as you. And am so glad other posters have been respectful of your beliefs. I pray that God will honour and bless your faithfulness and use this time to draw you both nearer to Him, so that when you look back at this period you’ll both see it as a time of real growth in your relationship, in ways of which you couldn’t have dreamed.

What religion are you?

Could a judge or a sea Captain or some such person marry you? Must it be a religious leader?

OP you are entitled to feel sad about this. Don't beat yourself up about it. Yes, other people are worse off (losing loved ones etc.) and it's not forever, but it's a huge milestone event in your life that you've been massively looking forward to, and now it's been snatched away from you (albeit temporarily.) You have my sympathy.

Friends from our former church got married via Zoom yesterday. They wanted to isolate together and so did the bit that to them was the most important - making a commitment to each other in front of God - and will deal with the legalities later. It was very moving to watch on YouTube - the pastor was in his sitting room and they were in theirs, with other people coming in via Zoom to do readings and prayers. I only know the bride, but can absolutely assure you that she would only have done this if she was convinced that it was acceptable in the eyes of God. Likewise, the pastor would not have gone ahead (fairly strict Baptist church) if he wasn't happy. Have you talked to your faith leader? You might find that there is a way forward, given the unique times we are in.

Lovely idea notenoughicecream !

It’s mad what religion does, isn’t it.

Can I just agree with a PP

Thank you for your kindness

As I said, my partner is the more strict one

I would have no problem doing the legal bits after, but I totally understand why he's saying it wouldn't be "real"

Would it cheer you up to tell us what you’ve got planned, or what you’d like the big day one like? When it arrives..!

To be like.. my typing is getting worse

It’s all rubbish really isn’t it. But it won’t be forever. I’m sorry you’ve had to miss out on your day.

I don't think so, I guess without the legal aspect then we aren't really married so therefore..no

But for you being married in the eyes of God is the important bit. The legal aspect is just paperwork.
The idea of doing it over Zoom sounds ideal.

Have you talked to your minister about being married in the eyes of God vs being married in law? I think God would make an exception given the current situation if you don't have the legal contract but have done everything properly in the spiritual sense, but obviously that's personal feelings.

However, waiting might also be a bonus. It would be wonderful to be married and lock down might be like an especially isolated extended honeymoon. However, many couples find the first few months of cohabiting challenging and physically not being able to escape each other might put more strain on the marriage than is necessary. Waiting a month or two might give the marriage a better chance of happiness in the long run.

You'll laugh. You will really laugh..

In the words of "doing things correctly"..

We were going to Las Vegas

This was my thing. I didn't want a fuss, I just wanted to be married we had a small family blessing arranged for our return