You look nice

[FredaFrogspawn]

I love that top, really suits you. Where did you get it?

He does know his way around a good bush

He is very fond of the back door ones.

If you had seen the absolute carnage that Brian wreaked on my glory hole, you wouldn't let him within 3 feet of your back door.

I think some of the more graphic images are still used for teaching purposes.

No one has the tools capable of dealing with your nethers; would have to be diamond tipped Krytonite shears to hack away at your jungle. "Hark, is that Dr Livingstone yonder?"

@poppadopolis you killed the thread and my Brian. He went around to plaster over your glory hole and I haven't seen hide or hair of him since. I've been that upset I've been playing my 80's ballad 'Power of Love' non stop; mine and Brian's karaoke favourite although we had to swap parts - his contralto suited "I am your Lady" better than mine.

I'm sat here in my MC Hammer sateen lilac pants wondering when 'can't touch this' became the norm. Sob.

Nah, not me. He was only here 5 minutes then said he was going for a swift lemonade with Sharp Eric down the Snail and Cake Slice.

They weren't lilac, I'd know mauve anywhere

@poppadopolis and @lamppostdog you lying cows! There's no way he'd give time of day to Sharp Eric, not after they fell out over him ruining my gold short shorts and Brian's Kylie CD... I tried Borax and Jeyes on former but buggered beyond redemption.

Ah yes, those gold shorts shudder

We had a massive street party when we found out that they were no more.

Hope Brian made it back safely.

You're just jealous; my Brian used to love those shorts - even when I borrowed them. He loved mapping the Americas, tracing the cellulite on my thighs.

@poppadopolis Is the Snail still serving, then, despite everything? I heard they're trying to get rid of their last few kegs, and they've even started letting women order pints. So progressive.

@Eckhart it would seem so.

I've not been allowed back in there since I did that handstand on the piano and forgot that my merkin was at the dry cleaners.

It's a shame you didn't know they have a cat.

It wouldn't have been so bad had you not left the curlers and the blue rinse in - I told you not to 'cure' it with lemon juice and One Eyed Alan's fan(ny) heater.

Of course I didn't use lemon juice. That would be ridiculous.

Lemon juice and deep heat that's all you need, Frank told me. Sharp Eric's got a new pussy Dow the allotments, has anyone seen it ?

Down

I've seen it. It has mange and only one eye..

Are you sure that wasn't one eyed Alan ? He needs putting through a sheep dip

Nope - it was definitely a cat.

I'm sure we would already know if One-Eyed-Alan could lick his own testicles.

Of course I didn't use lemon juice. That would be ridiculous

We all know Sharp Eric is named for his lethally pointed ears and not wit but even I thought he'd be able to associate vajazzle with the the right type of pussy. Combination of that and the mange is... unfortunate.

Just realised I haven't had a good hoik for a while. May I suggest we all step onto our freshly scrubbed (looking at you @poop) stoops at 7pm and do a collective hoik of our bosoms in support of all curtain twitchers keeping us on the straight and narrow? @Eckhart - you'll obviously need some help - shall I organise one eyed Alan for left and Sharp Eric for the right? I'd offer my Brian but his nerves couldn't handle it; not after the Golden Jubilee debacle when you insisted your left weighed more than his prize pumpkin at the WI show and whacked it out on the scales and broke them - and you never replaced them - you can still get imperial measures you know, none of this European kilo muck .

I'm not hoiking anything until you stop calling me poop.

This thread is like the baby I never had who ended up married to a one-legged woman with fourteen children running a drug cartel in Mexico.