You look nice

[FredaFrogspawn]

I love that top, really suits you. Where did you get it?

I got an invite to Strange Par's Tupperware party, but after what happened at her Ann Summers I thought it wise to make my excuses.... I cant afford another round of therapy...

chesntoots Do you have lasting scars? Are they physical or psychological?

I have both physical and mental. The physical have almost gone now, but as for psychological? Some things will never heal...

@FredaFrogspawn - I never mither with Ken Dodds bonus ball bingo. I heard they fix the meat raffle for those willing to pander to the caller's proclivities. I've never been able to look at a Gregg's steak slice in the same way since I heard how he liked to eat it and with what; red sauce! Perverse, I say. [hoiks left bosom]

I was at Pat's too. I think you're mean to call her strange, I'd like to see how you all would have turned out if that had happened to you. I admit it was funny at the time - that poor pig.

I loved her party but I have no idea why she invites that Anne Summers rep - lowers the tone and it's hard to hear anything with those noisy vibrators on.

Pat has pampas grass, say no more

@SlowHorse How very dare you!!!! I have never pandered to anyone in my life I may have pampas grass though

Eckhart I was at the AS party too. I have flashbacks that start with the words "...and these split-crotch panties"

You just can't unhear and unsee some things.

@SoapIsYourFriend I think calling her strange comes from the fact that she allowed the pig to get on the kids' trampoline in the first place. Asking for trouble in my opinion. I mean, it's her business what goes on behind closed doors in her own house, but there were quite a lot of other people there too. It's really not ok.

@TSSDNCOP Yes, I can imagine. What has your therapist said regarding dealing with the flashbacks? It feels sort of inappropriate to be using the word 'flash' in this context, somehow. I do apologise.

@poppadopolis - if the hobnail boot fits ... All I'm saying is you could have slipped me a couple of Faggots for my Brian's tea; you know how he loves a pair smothered in gravy before he goes for his evening pint of Pina Colada at the Legion.

I'm not wasting a slick of deodorant going up to the bingo when results already settled like Saturday ITV wrestling [hoiks both bosoms in umbrage - right out of Cross Your Heart double support bra and over shoulders]

@SlowHorse

yes, we all know about Brian

@poppadopolis. What are you trying to infer? My Brian's twice the man yours is and he can do a mean Fandango plus he's good with colours.

So why is his photo still up in the butchers then?

It's not just up in the butchers - it's plastered by that bus stop by Mad Penny's.

Frank in the Post Office told me all about it

Frank can bloody talk. I can still hardly walk.

Now come on, if we all believed everything bloody Frank in the Post Office said where would we be?

Our Maureen says she can't count the number of times she's wanted to pull his tie through the stamp tray and put the scales on top of it.

Frank was right though about one eyed Alan and our Christine, bloody lied to my face at Destiny-Rae's christening she did. I've never looked at a mauve cardigan the same since.

So glad I bumped into you lot - I was about to email Jolene and ask her round and help her bloody self. Poor Bert - driving me crazy but he has improved slightly since he caught me tapping each patio slab to find out which ones are loose.

Did you try that bread pudding recipe I included in the parish magazine? I know it’s hard to get bromide these days but my god it works.

Even a broken clocks right twice a day lamp. And to be fair, mauve? It's not everyone's colour is it?

bloody lied to my face at Destiny-Rae's christening she did

The vicar told my Nan's cleaner that he had to use Ajax to get the stains out.

Well the least said about that cleaner and her attempt at bread pudding the better

Cleaner? Bit too fond of the Communion wine if you catch my drift - have you seen the state of the Vicar's front step? Comes second only to She who shall not be named @poop.

Anyways, my Brian's pic was only up to advertise his services as a window cleaner. He told me if it generated enough interest he'd actually shell out on a chammy and bucket - no point on a ladder, he's dead talented in shimmying up drainpipes or scrambling up next door's trellis; don't know why she made such a fuss - should have had curtains shut at 4pm, the hussy.

The front step will come up fine with a donkey stone and a bit of elbow grease.

"Window cleaner" LOL. Those of us of a certain age all know that that means.