I can’t be ‘fun mum’ every single bloody day!!

[Knobblybobbly]

After a week at home, being as enthusiastic and ‘fun’ as I can be with my only child (5) today I just want to be an adult.

My DH is doing yet another shift on the ‘frontline’.

I know this is shit for everyone, and I’ve got it easy, but how are you all staying positive and ‘happy’ for the kids.

Christ I wish we had another child, or a dog, or that my kids actually liked watching TV!!!

Now you know how hard it is for teachers that have to “entertain” up to 30 of them everyday!

Bulb as helpful as ever

Make a jar with slips of paper each with an independent activity on. Every time she says she is bored get her to take one. Be firm about it. There's no need to be actively playing with a child, but there is an active need to reduce your stress levels. Studies have shown mothers' stress levels have a bigger impact than one on one time.

Draw a picture.
Write a story about what you want to be when you grow up.
Do a worksheet.
Make up a dance routine.
Watch a TV program.
Do a kids YouTube exercise video.
Etc

Then in between activities give her short bursts of focused positive attention.

You really can't be 'fun' Mum 247 that is an impossible expectation you have placed on yourself. Set aside some time to play with her, and then time for Mummy time.

Even with the playtime, do things you enjoy as well. If you are crafty do that, if you like sports get the tennis rackets out, if you are great at cooking or like to dance. It is important you enjoy it, otherwise she will pick up on the fact you are finding it an endurance. The games you don't like, she needs to do alone, occasionally when you are not feeling so depleted, then maybe...

It is a long time, put some boundaries in place now. Or you may end up with a child that becomes very demanding and unable to play independently. Being a good parent is teaching our children to be self reliant and capable.

Do something together, then ‘quiet play in your room time’, start with ten mins at a time and praise her up even if she doesn’t really do it, don’t get cross (well, not externally). If she has questions or tries to pull you in, just say ‘ask me at x time, its quiet play in your room time until then’. Or playing with a tub of water and soap bubbles and plastic cups outside, or chalking on the patio used to work for mine.

Children are allowed to be bored.

It's OK.

Take the pressure off yourself.

Routine is good, structure the day and use the TV and /or electronics to give yourself some downtime.

I play hide and seek with my 2 dds age 5 & 4. Then I hide in a really really good place with my phone and a Penguin haha.
(Chocolate bar one not an actual one...)

I’m so pleased I posted this!!

My DD is a whinger and nagger. It is constant. Time for me to stop giving in then.

Remove the rod I put against my own back....

@knobblybobbly if your DD is anything like mine she won't give in and you'll give in before she does

Lol.... well that’s been my experience for the last 5 years! But now I have a glimmer of hope!!!

OP, same as what stuntbanana said. I don’t have siblings (for which I am glad), and my parent never played with me beyond an occasional board game. I must have whined at her, because I recall often being told ‘only boring people are ever bored’ which made me furious as a kid 😄 but it made me find my own entertainment. I had books, I had toys, we had a tv and videos (kids today have unlimited resources at their fingertips, the internet is churning out content to keep kids occupied this past week). A basin with washing up liquid and kitchen utensils, a straw for blowing bubbles, water in an old sports bottle to ‘draw’ on warm concrete, a £5 pocket microscope that you can see tiny worlds with, yeah, your kid can learn how to bake, sew, etc. but at 5 years old, developing an imagination is amazing. She can be bored, she can learn about emotions and how to deal with them.

For the record, I am in my element (despite crippling anxiety), I have 4 ways to occupy myself indoors without any devices, off the top of my head. (Books, letter writing, origami, complex dot to dots, jigsaws.)

Like, instead of you playing Sylvanian things with her today, you could have told her she has until the big hand on the clock reaches 25, to make up a play with the toy and you’d be her audience to perform to. If she tantrums, she can instead tidy all of her tat away, in all the rooms, the choice is hers. Kids don’t need a ‘fun mum’, they need to feel safe and have rules.

So if I had said that, she would have whinged loudly, nagged, moaned. Possibly got a tad aggressive, throwing and hitting at the most extreme.

But I can’t keep giving in to her demands. Which is what I normally do.

There is no such thing as too much TV, too much (monitored if you can stand it) YouTube (research stuff on it - I do this regularly and I'm old!) and there are loads of educational apps for tablets. It's OK to need time to breathe. I work with kids but I still struggle at home with my own. You're doing OK. We all go a bit nuts sometime
You're in the right company.

She’s behaving like that to get your attention and she knows you will give in. I bet she doesn’t do that at school! The teacher wouldn’t listen to her or put up with it. You have to spend your ground and let her whinge and tantrum. She cannot continue throwing things and being aggressive to get your attention and she knows exactly how to do it. Is she going to keep friends if she behaves like this? Is anyone actually going to like her? Say what you mean when you talk to her and mean what you say. Don’t keep giving in. Life won’t be great for you or her if you do.

Stand your ground....

I saw a note once online from a woman who had a great trick to get herself a bit of time alone.

She would make a brew thensoak a flannel. If her child approached her while she was drinking her brew she would listen/answer her child but the whole time would use the flannel to wash her dcs face. "Ooh let me clean you up a little "

Put the kids off and they learnt not to disturb mum during her teabreak.

I’ll try that trick!

Yes she is as good as gold in school!!

I know it needs to be done, my DH has said (for years actually) that I walk on egg shells around her. She is incredibly strong willed, and I’m the opposite. A bad combo.

But for her sake (and mine!!) I shall stand my ground. Agree that giving in is not teaching her good social skills and will effect her relationships in life.

Yeah, I still remember the feeling of anger when being told ‘only boring people are ever bored’ when I was a kid (to be fair, my mother was awful and I had huge trauma as a kid.),
If they have ‘stuff”, they are more than capable of entertaining themselves, but aren’t used to having the opportunity to, because everything is spoonfed and coaxed and pandered to. Feeling angry and scared and unsure etc. is ok. All emotions are ok. If the child feels safe, they can then really ‘feel’ their emotions and work through it. Talk to her in an age appropriate way about her feelings and reassure her, tell her you have to do work for a few hours, and you’ll be really proud of her if she can create (whatever) herself, and you’ll read her a story later/let her have all the bath toys at once/whatever after dinner.

I’m an only child and I don’t really remember my parents ever playing with me. We did stuff together like walks, gardening, baking but I played by myself, with dolls and in the garden most of the time. Never felt lonely or bored. I was a big reader though so that helped.

Also need to add once you start to enact these changes, she will up the behaviours, she will whine louder and longer and will tantrum worse. Do not, I repeat DO NOT back down, she will latch onto this weakness and exploit it, you think you have a rod for your own back now! It will be a whole tree if you back down.
Stay strong and don't let her wear you down. As Dh says, never let them see you blink.

Ok, I am on a mission today!

@Knobblybobbly how is it going?

My two DC have been hard work. They are arguing lots 🤦‍♀️ and I'm trying to keep up with schooling. Frankly I wouldn't put myself through the stress but my eldest is dyslexic and in yr 6 so (probably!) going to secondary in September.

I saw a funny thing on FB today saying, 'those without young children, enjoy self isolating!'

Woah. If your five year old hits and throws if you ask her to do something (or to leave you alone) I wouldn’t pander to that at all. My son was an only child till he was 5. I grew up as an only child. I played a bit with him (the odd board game) and I have always read to my children, but it is not my job to ‘entertain’ them. I have always said, ‘you have a house full of books and toys and a garden. Find something to do.’ Yes they do moan and whinge a bit but they soon work out that it’s more fun to go and play that to lie on the floor.
I would utterly ignore the nagging and moaning and I would come down very hard on the hitting and throwing.