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Original poster

My son is drunk - he’s 16

40 replies

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 02:17

Advice needed please!

My son went up to bed about 9.40 this evening after we had all watched a film together. He said he was going to go on the PlayStation for a bit and then sleep.

I was just falling asleep when I heard noise in his room so went to check, as I opened the door there was a strong smell of alcohol and he was very slurred! Unbeknown to us he had taken lots of alcohol to his room, goodness knows how much he has had to drink...

I took him downstairs to sit with dh, his dad, whilst I checked his room.

He was then very drunk and very tearful, repeatedly saying sorry, and that he misses his nana too much so thought he would drink to take the pain away. My mum died in an accident nearly 6 years ago and he didn’t talk much about her then but it all seems to be coming out now he has started at college.

We have never had a problem with him drinking before so I really don’t know what to do, either this evening or from now on. Any guidance gratefully received.

He did talk for a long time, although very slurred, and is now sleeping on the sofa whilst I sit next to him. Do I need to call a doctor? His breathing is regular and he hasn’t been sick. How will I know if he has alcohol poisoning?

He did get restless just now and sat up only to say sorry but didn’t really open his eyes.

OP posts:

ArriettyJones · 28/03/2020 02:20

Did he eat much this evening?

What was it he actually drank? Beer? Spirits? Any idea how much?

If he hasn’t eaten much tonight, I would wake him up and try to get something salty, something sugary/carby and some fluids into him. Then sit and watch him for a bit and have a sick bowl on hand.

Sonichu · 28/03/2020 02:21

Other that feeling like shit tomorrow he'll be fine. Let him sleep.

givemeacall · 28/03/2020 02:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 02:24

Yes he had a full tea, dinner, pudding and chocolate. I did get him to drink some water before he slept.

Thank you for your reply.

He keeps sitting up and saying sorry so is quite restless but if I push him down again he goes back to sleep.

He has had at least a bottle of beer and some whisky but no idea how much.

Should I wake him or get him to drink water when he sits up?

OP posts:

ArriettyJones · 28/03/2020 02:24

Signs of alcohol poisoning;

www.nhs.uk/conditions/alcohol-poisoning/

But in all likelihood he’s just drunk. Many, many teens have done it. It’s the drinking alone that seems particularly concerning. Like self medicating (as he said) rather than overdoing social drinking.

Watch him for now and don’t try and talk to him about it all tomorrow until the hangover has worn off.

Terns can be such a worry.

ArriettyJones · 28/03/2020 02:25

If he had eaten well first that’s good. I’d just try to offer fluids when he stirs.

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 02:51

It is the drinking alone that is worrying me too.

He has just got up and managed to walk to the toilet with help and has had some more water. Talking ok, better than earlier anyway. Hopefully he will sleep now.

It’s a long story but he definitely has struggled since my lovely mum died. He was so close to her but never talked much about her afterwards.

He worked hard right through school and went from predicted fails due to problems with writing, to passing everything! He’s now at college and my gut feeling is that he is out of his depth in a way and would have been better if he had stayed at school.

Being on lockdown has probably given him time to think about life and how he feels which has then brought it all to the surface.

Thank you all for your help things always seem so much worse at night....

OP posts:

peterrabbitspossum · 28/03/2020 02:58

I wouldn't know where to begin with this but as the mother of a 16 year old who is the quiet, brooding type you have my sympathy.

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 03:14

Thank you. DS is the quiet gentle type, into running, cars, scouts etc so this is all completely unexpected and unplanned for.

Breaks my heart to see him so distressed and looking for ways to manage his pain..

OP posts:

ArriettyJones · 28/03/2020 03:24

The lockdown is giving a lot of us too much thinking time.

I hope you can have a good chat with him tomorrow and that you manage some sleep x

EngagedAgain · 28/03/2020 03:25

It will hopefully be a one off. I think we've all got drunk at least once at that sort of age. However given the situation you mention about his nan and changes in his life, plus how he might be reacting because of corona virus I think it's wise to keep a 'quiet' eye on him. Don't let that worry you, it's just a precaution should it not be a one off.

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 03:33

I am too scared to sleep as feel I need to keep checking him. This is so much harder than when he was a baby ☹️.

OP posts:

Flippyflo · 28/03/2020 03:37

Aside from a hangover he’ll be fine - that’ll be likely to put him off !

Let him sleep it off you’d know about it if he had alcohol poisoning !!!

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 03:43

I did check the link about poisoning and thankfully don’t think he’s got that.
Let’s hope he does have a hangover and it puts him off!

I swing between being frustrated because there is enough stress about without him adding to it and being so sad and worried for him without knowing how to help.

OP posts:

peterrabbitspossum · 28/03/2020 03:46

He sounds just like my ds.

Obviouspretzel · 28/03/2020 06:09

On the alcohol front, he'll be fine. Doesn't sounds like he's had too much. I was going to say nothing to worry about here but then I read on.

He sounds like he is really struggling with this loss. He's obviously buried this for years and managed to focus on achieving good things but in doing so, has never really dealt with it. I think a lot of people are going to struggle with things like this during lockdown.

It's hard to be able to give any advice but I would urge him to try and talk to someone about this. Talking to you will be unlikely to help. Counselling at the minute is difficult but there are still phone contacts and even online chatting may help. He probably needs to confront this but he can only do it if he is ready to.

CherryValanc · 28/03/2020 06:25

It sounds like he's just drunk so no need for a docto. You can talk to him about the why and kind out what he drank when he wakes up.

I imagine he did it because life isn't normal at the moment. He isn't living life like he was. There'sa lot of time to spend with your thoughts at the moment.

If you're a house that has alcohol in it, I'm assuming you are drinkers and he may be doing something he sees you or his dad doing - having a drink when upset. (Even if you don't TV and film portray this.)

It might even have just something to do. The maudling could have been an effect of the alcohol.

Talk to him when he's sober, if he's very hungover let him recover first. It might make you less stressed about a repeat if you remove the alcohol source from the house. (Probably unlikely he will repeat at the moment though.)

Original poster

Kahlua4me · 28/03/2020 06:37

Thank you all for your support.

I will certainly talk to him when he is feeling better later today and see if I can arrange some counselling for him. He is sleeping peacefully now.

It does seem as though the current situation has brought it all out at the moment so would be good to get him some help before he buries it again.

I don’t drink at all and although my husband does he doesn’t drink much and is never drunk. However we have emptied the drinks cupboard, you know all those half bottles of alcohol that lurk in there never seeing the light of day? I have poured most of them down the sink and the ones that dh may drink we have removed and hidden so I won’t worry again.

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/03/2020 07:10

It's a horrible situation we're all in at the moment. He'll be OK, the hangover in the morning will be punishment for him! I first got drunk at age 13, I think most of us have drunk underage before. Obviously drinking to blot out stress is a slippery slope so have a proper chat with him when he's sober.

EL8888 · 28/03/2020 07:14

Sorry to hear this. I know the extra thinking time isn’t helpful at the moment -l know it isn’t helping me and it’s harder to distract myself. Did any of you get much sleep? Horrible as it sounds but the hangover will put him off it a bit. Another vote for trying to chat to him when he’s sober

iMatter · 28/03/2020 07:16

Your poor boy

It does sound like he's struggling emotionally

As a pp said, this lockdown and isolation has given us all too much time to think

I know my own mental health is pretty shit right now and I worry about my own teen sons and the effect this will have on their mental health

I hope he's ok

lightlypoached · 28/03/2020 07:38

Poor boy. Let him wake up naturally today and offer him a big fry up your first proper hangover is a right fo passage. Maybe share anecdotes of your first hangover. It will help make the whole episode less scary and take the 'oh shit am I in deep trouble?' element out of today -he'll be feeling bad enough as it is.

A bit of drinking at this age is pretty normal , as is going completely OTT with it whilst they learn their limits. That said he does sound miserable too.

Let him settle and 'be' today then talk to him tomorrow. Gently teasing out how he's feeling. If I were you I wouldn't strongly link the missing his nana with the drinking episode - you want to separate the two things so he doesn't splice them together and start a bad learned habit of wanting a drink when he's sad. Explain that In these weird days quite a few people are necking wine and such like, it's just maybe he went a bit OTT?

Maybe take the time you have to sort through old family photos together and reminisce naturally and talk about the people you love - those who are still here, and those not.

Make sure you all have dinner together once a day. The habit crates a natural environment for chatting about small and big things. And it's sociable - we all need spurts of that when locked down (just not too much of you are a teenager!)

Can you help him to find online activities and bring a bit of structure to his days?

Sizeablecontours · 28/03/2020 07:45

Just came on to say I hope your lad is ok and you sound like a lovely mum op

Sixteen is such a difficult age. They are virtually non-communicative for months, and then it all comes out all at once!

Elieza · 28/03/2020 07:50

Everyone drinks too much at some point. He’s learned hopefully a valuable lesson at home where he is safe rather than outside with mates that leave him alone collapsed somewhere. So that’s a good thing. It had to happen and he’s safe. Granted young but he’ll probably be put off drink for a long time.

As for grieving that’s a shame. He must have turned to her for comfort and now she’s gone he’s a bit lost the wee soul. You can talk to him about that side if things and how much you miss her too etc once he’s recovered.

EssentialGarage · 28/03/2020 07:57

Agree with pp, also I wouldn't worry about it being an issue, keep an eye on him but I think it's the stress of the situation. I don't usually drink but did last night and passed out on the sofa, a temporary distraction from a horrible day. I've woken this morning remembering why I don't drink.
Don't worry if he doesn't want to talk today, alcohol makes it easier to open up just give him a big hug.

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