Can people PLEASE stop saying that mental health doesn't matter?

[Pishposhpashy]

It does fucking matter. It absolutely does.

I am following ALL the government guidelines. I am isolating with my household. My DH and I are both WFH and our DS is not in nursery. I am going out for one walk a day. If I have to go out for food, that counts as my daily exercise. I keep my 2 metres distance from others. I am washing my hands frequently. If I become symptomatic, my entire household with self isolate for 14 days.

I am also 30 with no underlying health conditions. So my risk of serious illness or death if I contract Covid-19 is, statistically, low. Yes, I know that young people with no underlying health conditions have died of this. Yes, I know how serious it is. And yes, I will absolutely do exactly as I am told to do. But I have 3 suicide attempts behind me, from when my OCD was at its peak. Don't you dare tell me my mental health doesn't matter and I just have to suck it up and my physical health is more important, just because I have decided that I do not wish to sterilise all my groceries. I would rather accept the low risk of covid-19 transferring from the packaging than risk my OCD becoming that severe again.

I have seen several people on MN in recent days utterly dismiss mental health, and it just is not fucking on.

I’m with you OP.
If this self isolation goes on indefinitely the cure is going t be worse than the illness for some of us.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils

Yes but most people have no idea what ptsd feels like. I do and this is hell and makes it worse exasperating symptoms etc. But most people can't see that at all. I've missed a whole year of news, politics etc. Before now because of ptsd and anxiety. Most people didn't though. My perspective was different

I haven't seen anyone say anywhere that mental health doesn't matter.

Unless you’re a nurse and you post because your scared and don’t want to go to work. You’re told to suck it up as this is what you signed up for so get on with it. Oh, and you must be a lousy nurse if you’re even thinking of putting your own children first.

MN at the moment is a very toxic place if you have poor mental health.

As for the “sit and watch TV” comment - when my mental health is bad (like it is at the present) I am unable to focus on anything for long enough to watch a single episode of the lightest fluff going.

There’s also my other pet hate of “other generations went to war and didn’t complain of mental health problems” - my grandfather was so wracked with PTSD after the war that he spent his life campaigning for and supporting current soldiers with PTSD. That one belittles everything he went through and worked for.

I’m barely functional - I desperately need a medication increase but I don’t want to bother my GP at present for obvious reasons - so I’m soldiering on. I’d go for a drive out, go the slightly more scenic route and go get a coffee via the drive through normally - just to break the sitting at home fretting loop - but I can’t do that, and I’m so on edge with anxiety and panic attacks that I am too scared to go out and walk the dog for fear of coming across a self-appointed MN-esque quarantine enforcer.

I agree with you 100% if I live through this, I'll be surprised and it wont be Covid19 that kills me. I'm trying to put my mental health on the back burner but it isn't possible. Ironically it takes a very stable psyche to do that. If you can then you dont have a mental illness.

I'm thinking of staying off MN altogether for the duration of this CV situation, because the regression in attitudes towards mental health issues is terrifying. If someone had posted a month ago saying that they were really struggling with loneliness and anxiety, people wouldn't have dreamed of telling them to pull themselves together, think of people who have it worse, or berate them for being selfish. Now I'm seeing it all over the bloody place. It's really horrible.

I was lucky enough to be able to get to a prearranged GP appointment and get an increase in my medication. I'm still finding it extremely hard, though. I'm doing all the things that we've been told to do, and yet even admitting that you're struggling seems to be enough to bring out all the nasty people who think that wishing you could see your family is the same thing as going out and coughing over an old man with asthma.

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut the idea of putting a mental illness on the backburner is so ridiculous it makes me so angry. I’m actually pretty disappointed this sane old pish is still being spouted. Believe me, if I could just brush myself down and distract myself with wholesome activities and a Positive Attitude 😃😃 I would

I posted on a thread the other night about this. I've hidden it now, because I was basically talking to myself and gave it up as a bad job, it was midnight, and all that was happening was I was talking to myself (not unusual for me) and upsetting myself seeking more and more comments along the "tell them to pull themselves together, we all have anxiety now" type.

But yesterday morning I came to my MN account to find two PMs from people who didn't post on the thread but wanted to thank me for explaining.

So, for those who don't get it:

That anxiety and depression you're experiencing right now because of covid-19, lockdown and/or isolation is most likely the tip of what someone clinically diagnosed with those illnesses experience. For people with mental illness just getting through an hour can be an achievement, getting outside at all can take hours, walking down the street can be terrifying.

Now for the kicker ...

For many many people all support stopped overnight. No more support worker taking them to get food or medication or helping them to the local support group, no more support group even. Telling them to phone helplines they're already going to have rung hundreds of times before isn't going to help with the added pressure. Nor is flippant comments about mindfulness or getting a grip or a cup of tea. Many are beyond that being helpful.

Today I sat in an appointment and was told by someone I trusted with my mental health that I was being pathetic, that Everyone feels the same now.

They don't.

I know people are struggling but they are not going through mental illness. Mental illness for many is unrelenting. There is no finish line in a few weeks or months for their illness. What others are feeling is the tip of clinical diagnoses.

Mental health is a very, very big spectrum. The label "anxiety" covers illnesses that can incapacitate that can leave people barely functioning and suicidal, likewise "depression", on that thread I mentioned someone posted saying "no one ever died of anxiety" actually plenty of people have. Depression too. I know people who have ended their lives because of what others deemed "a bit" of anxiety or depression. Until they were dead, then suddenly they appear to realise, for a short while at least.

Not everyone suffering will tell you, or look like they're struggling. And not every medical person understands that.

Yes everyone's on edge right now, but that isn't the same. I'm sorry others are going through it and experiencing it but, it isn't the same.

I saw this on a prayer page, and it's true : kindness costs nothing, but the sting of your words could cost someone their life - you never know what's happening in another's life.

kuponut many years ago a relative said to me when discussing another relative who was on a section (who died whilst there) that they were "pathetic and weak and deserved no visitors" when I asked why they replied "we went to war. There was none of the namby pamby state of affairs and labels now, we coped, you saw no one complaining about their mental health" to which I replied "no, because most ended their lives or suffered so much they couldn't and never went out again due to shellshock" she never mentioned mental health to me again, even when I was diagnosed her disgust was palpable.

Decades past, we remained friends it was one of those things we never spoke of.

Just over a year ago the relative who said that to me ended her life.

I have schizoaffective disorder & work part time as an HCA in a hospital.
Basically my mental health matters just as much as me staying physically well because if I get really tired & stressed I get psychotic symptoms like hallucinations & paranoia and obviously can't then do my job properly.

But when I'm not in work I get the negative symptoms of the disorder such as total lack of motivation to carry out any daily activities.
And depression. Especially being stuck in the house & having plans to do stuff is hard.
Not seeing my parents (who I admit help me a lot) for weeks will be very hard but it doesn't feel real yet.

I quite agree. Governments have ordered lockdowns and patronising people keep going on about how everyone else isn't doing it right. I think that if they have not taken down threads that are degrading people's mental health or suggesting that a suicide death is less tragic than a COVID 19 one, then MN have questions to answer.

I’m so on edge with anxiety and panic attacks that I am too scared to go out and walk the dog for fear of coming across a self-appointed MN-esque quarantine enforcer.
Sad but perfectly put. I fucking hate these patronising arseholes on here and IRL trying to appear all holier than thou just to boost their own self esteem

I'm actually quite scared for what will happen when this is over. Some of us won't have stepped outside for twelve weeks because we are being shielded and can't even go out to exercise. Last night I stood in the open door to join in with the clapping and I felt terrified. The outside felt too scary, like there was danger everywhere and it just felt too big. I've only been inside for two weeks, what will I be like in another ten?

I really think there will be a mental health crisis when this is over.

I also think we are going to see a lot of mental health problems during and after this, not least because of the economic effect.

People comparing this to WW2 are annoying me. In WW2, people suffered physical hardships, but there was a spirit of camaraderie and people on the home front spent their days with other people, having useful work to do, getting outside. The physical health of people during WW2 was actually pretty good.

Right now, people are spending huge amounts of time indoors, on screens, comfort eating, comfort drinking, and in some cases being scolded by online bullies. Those who have lost their jobs are demoralized and fearful. Those who are working are trying to work and homeschool at the same time and doing a shit job of both. Lack of normal face to face human contact, human touch, daylight, exercise. It might not look hard on the surface but it's a desperately unnatural way for humans to live, and it's known to worsen both wellness in general, and actual mental health problems in those who have them.

We are moving into a recession and this is going to create utter despair in the many people whose lives have changed drastically for the worse.

Services for the mentally ill, for respite, for parents of children with disabilities or special needs? How on earth are we going to pay for them? Everything is going to be slashed away at.

I sure hope you in the UK decide, long-term, that it has all been worth it, and that you don't end up, a decade from now, shaking your heads over some of the decisions that have been made.

I agree with you, I keep seeing it and now it's like water off a ducks backs but at first it made me very angry.

For me the struggle was so very real. I do not deal well with change and don't deal well with isolation and due to minimal family contact and a small friend circle I most definitely rely on the activities I do with my kids as time for me to connect with adults outside of my life as a SAHM.

Within a week I had everything that we normally go to close down, everything, for someone who already suffers depression this was a harsh blow, I struggled badly, I cried at almost anything, I yelled at my kids almost constantly and this also made me cry. I felt like the walls of my house were closing in on me, that they were trapping me forever and there was no escape.

I felt like such a shit Mum that I began to think that my kids would be better off without me, suicidal thoughts crossed my mind on several occasions.

Thankfully for the time being I have managed to drag my arse out of that dark space but I can without a doubt see that the effects of isolation may well have devastating effects on some people. Poor mental health cannot be 'put on the back burner', it will become their life, they will become it. For some they will never come to see a way out.

MH does matter, especially in times like this. If you have family or friends who you either think or know will struggle with this, put them on your 'to do' list. Your phone call may be the one thing that keeps them going that day. If they are allowed, encourage them to get out for a walk or a run, being outside has wonderful benefits for the mind.

I said long before we went into lockdown that the impact on people’s MH would cause far more deaths than coronavirus. That was at the point when people were screaming for lockdown now

TBH I think the people who are so dismissive about MH are the people who usually are but invariably would be shot down for those types of comments or even deleted. But now the supporters have gone quiet because there is a vocal group on MN whose opinions appear to be taken as the law.

I also think that many who are dismissing MH do so because then they don’t have to face their own potential struggles. It can be hard to admit that you’re feeling it when you’re used to being positive and upbeat and always in control and can’t understand the perspective of someone who is not.

The reality here is that everyone is going to be mentally affected by this, regardless of diagnosis. But most people don’t want to admit that.

I do not have MH issues, but I am stuck at home with only my teenager (who I think has been self isolating for the past five years anyway My partner is 150 miles away, my family are 150 miles in the other direction, and because I am vulnerable with a serious heart condition albeit not in the government’s vulnerable group I am here on my own for the foreseeable. And more than ever I want to talk to people, and there are friends I really want to see even though I haven’t seen some of them for years.

My struggles are tiny, well irrelevant in the scheme of things. But others were already struggling, so it is naive to think that they can stop the struggle they were already going through. If putting MH aside for a different cause was that simple then surely everyone would have been doing that already.

Personally I believe that there will be more people who come out of this with MH issues than went in.

@ TKAAHUARTG and there we have it.

There will be a price to pay for everyone in this crisis, and one factor is not more worthy than another.

This is a balancing act. It is in fact incredibly selfish to suggest that the only fact that matters here is the protection of the elderly and the vulnerable. of course there need to be steps taken to try to slow the spread of the virus, but there also need to be steps taken to protect the economy, people’s livelihoods, and people’s mental health. Because when this crisis is over (and it will be,) society will have to carry on. People will need to work, people will need to go out again, get on with their lives, and if you dismiss everything else apart from the need to stop the spread of the virus as selfish then we will end up with no society to protect at the end of this all.

PS: I speak as one who is at risk of serious complications should I catch the virus.

@TKAAHUARTG your post sums up exactly why people with mental health issues feel like second class citizens. Horrible. There’s no top trumps here, everyone’s well being and life is important.

It's definitely important, I'm guilty of having my anxiety get the best of me- leading me to panic. And it's only day 4 of self isolation.

I have heard a few things that have annoyed me regarding mental health though, mainly people (ones i know in real life) who don't have any claiming their sanity is saved by putting others at risk: having friends over, playdates, etc. My friends on the front line, serious risk to her physical and mh, seeing who i thought were other friends talking about increasing risk for their own mh (which in their case isn't a reason) doing things which may well spread CV further and risk my friend more pisses me off.

Normal people who actually do have mh issues who aren't putting others at risk and are socially distancing have my sympathy. I'm with you on this makes it worse

Any mh issues that should be

And round here luckily mh issues are not being scorned on our local insta and fb sites. In fact everyone's is hightened due to the shitty teens thinking it funny to spit near or brush up against people.

TKAAHUARTG demonstrating my point perfectly there.

I don't have much to add to the debate but I just want you to know OP (and others) that not everyone feels like that. I said to DH yesterday as we were wiping down the shopping yesterday how horrific this situation must be for anyone with OCD or health anxiety, I really feel for you.

I think the problem is partly that so many people claim to have MH issues these days when really they are just experiencing the normal range of human emotions(Or just like the house really tidy!) that it dilutes the understanding of genuine issues and the very real risk that they present to people's wellbeing and ability to cope.

Please be kind to yourself, stay safe, and ignore the haters.

Ohffs66

Thank you

I dont wipe down my shopping as it would send me over the edge. I also dont want my son to see me doing it.