I am absolutely fucking drowning - please help!

[Spanneroo]

First day of school closures and I really truly can't cope.

DD(5) is in yr 1
DD(2) is very high energy and an absolute tornado - no longer has a nap, and attention span of a housefly
DTs(3mos) have very different needs atm as T1 is much bigger and developing faster than T2. Bedtime is synchronised, but daytime schedules are not.

We are in a 2 bed flat which we were due to move out of but it's fallen through since corona and we will likely be stuck here for the foreseeable future.

Trying to get any time for DD(5) to help her with her schooling is an absolute fucking nightmare and I just cannot cope. Since a long walk this morning, there has been a child crying at all times. I can't spread myself this thinly in such a tiny space.

Please does anyone have any ideas, esp for DD(2)? I love her but it's definitely her that's making this so utterly horrendous. She's really hard work usually, when I can spend all day out to keep her running around all the time. The staying at home is absolutely brutal and I can feel myself cracking already . I'm usually very laid back and not much fazes me, but my god, I don't think k can do this!

I also think you need to go for walks. Just avoid parks unfortunately. Just as an aside, parks with play equipment don’t really exist in France children don’t need them. I know they’re great. I wish you the very best of luck. It sounds as though you’re doing a sterling job.

Fresh air in the garden in the afternoon helps with nighttime sleeping ime.

Tell yourself you are doing great and lower your standards.

Have you got a roll of paper? I made mine lay on some and drew around them and they thought it was brilliant. Then we coloured it in.

Swimming in the bath. Food colouring in the bath.

Take care and just do the minimum to get yourself through.

You might it a lot easier to get a full time job in a supermarket and hire someone to look after the children at home. I did that with children your age and it was a lot more relaxing! Even if what you pay the babysitter is the same as your net pay it still might save your sanity. You would then be generating much needed tax revenues for the Government to pay the salaries of nurses too so win win all round.

Actually my plan above might make you a key worker in which case the babysitter would just mind the under 5s with the biggest child back at school and then she would just to collect that school when school ends each day.

You might it a lot easier to get a full time job in a supermarket and hire someone to look after the children at home

Do you seriously not understand what "social distancing" is?

FFS' what is wrong with some people?

If you are involved in any groups - dance class, cookery, forest school etc - have a look at their FB pages. Our cookery group has gone online for the time being - you can find some clips of their cooking at www.facebook.com/TinyTasters1/. Live sessions most days, or you can use the vids any time. We also had a bit of a video disco yesterday (less successful, to be honest - DD was expecting the same people she knows from their sessions, and this was a different organisation doing something similar). I'm sure there will be others out there - if you know groups local to you, have a look (in that mythical moment when everyone is asleep, there's no housework to do and you actually get a minute to yourself).

Depending on the activity, you might keep the older one occupied for 30 minutes while you can focus on the younger ones?

Also, it feels like it's getting easier with our DD. We've been self-isolating for a week (Daddy's ill-timed cough) and she really struggled for a couple of days but now she's getting into it and enjoying having mum and dad at home all day. But we're lucky to only have one, and she's pre-school. Don't envy anyone with a house full of the little darlings.

Sorry for the delay - we went out again with some chalks and did some drawing on the abandoned car park of a local cafe.

I do have a DH but he is a key part of keeping the supply chain running at one of the major retailers, so he's working crazy hours at the moment. He's in the flat too (adding to the pressure tbh but can't be helped).

We do lots of cooking with DD2. She's bonkers for it and I'm actually running out of new stuff to teach her that she's big enough to do (saucepans are too heavy, can't lift the kettle etc). We watch cooking shows together on a Friday and choose what to cook over the weekend. All the panic buying has rather ruined that past-time!

They're both good with chores. However, the washing machine is a no-go for DD2 as I don't trust her not to run it with goodness knows what inside while I'm preoccupied with the twins.

Some of these ideas are great. I've added them to a long list and I think I'll let the girls pick stuff each day. We've put daisies in some food dye since coming home, so that'll be a bit of fun in the morning

Don't worry about the school work, despite what people often say they quickly catch up at this age. There are probably some good educational programmes on tv, mine are grown up so I'm not up to date. As someone said if you can manage to do ten minutes reading that will be great. Chat to them about what you are doing, get them to help you, things like "Can you get me two cups and put 5 biscuits on the plate." Numbers can come into so many different things.

It is really tough at the moment so be kind to yourself and don't stress anymore than you have to and I'm sure you won't be able to eliminate all stress.

OP you sound like you are doing an amazing job. You are being too hard on yourself.

Definitely forget about the schoolwork for now - and if you have to park the kids in front of the TV a bit more often than usual, or they get bored, then, yes, that will become the new norm.

Most of us would struggle in your position (not trying to make you feel worse! ) and you just have to be "good enough" you don't have to be bloody supermum although it sounds like you are

Look at your lovely family. Smile. Recognise you have very limited control over the situation, but you are doing your best.

I will swap your toddlers for a stroppy 12 year old who is arguing about doing her school work, she doesn't need help but needs someone to watch over her while she works because as soon as I turn my back she stops working. She has a teaching assistant at school who sits with her.

Xenia OP has a 3 month old baby and two other children under the age of 6.

The current government guidance is social distancing not going to work in a supermarket.

Retail workers get paid around or just above the minimum wage. Childcare is expensive at the best of times. Do you seriously think OP can source and put in place affordable childcare in this situation?

Also - social distancing, not asking a stranger (who will probably become ill and need to self-isolate for 2 weeks about next week) into your home.

With no settling in period for children.

Childminders and nurseries are working on skeleton staff to care for the children of key workers WHEN THERE IS NO-ONE ELSE TO CARE FOR THEM AT HOME. This DOESN'T mean finding someone to look after your children at home then sending one into school. Honestly, it just doesn't.

There is not an abundance of child carers around just waiting for the opportunity to look after 3 children including a 3 month old baby while being stuck inside a 2 bedroom flat.

You are living in Cloud Cuckoo Land.

OP, it's shit beyond shit.

Your priority now is YOUR mental health and well-being. That's what's keeping everything together.

Screens, screens and more screens for the two older children. Ipads, TV whatever you have. Do a bit of reading or drawing now and then.

There are lots of exercise for kiddos videos on YouTube/TV at the moment. It's not the same as a long walk but is something.

Take as many long walks away from others as you can. Do them as many times a day as you can.

Take care. If you have a partner, they seriously take over the moment their foot comes through the door!

Oliver Jeffers is reading one of his books every day on his Instagram page. Link here... The Great Paper Caper. It is filed on his website under books.

Lots of other bookish type events happening via publishers too Lots here to keep the older two busy

once we are in lockdown (which will be imminently) you wont be able to go for a walk, unfortunately selfish people have made the governemnt force staying in. The government are NOT advising people to go for walks at all, they have said avoid going out. we all know obviously goping form awalk and gettign fresh air is good for us, but not when we are in a pandemic! stop being flipping selfish people and consider everyone else.

people are condoning going out for walks as many times a day, NO. if everyione did that where would we be. have soem common sense and grow up all those who are telling her its okay to go more walks as many times as she wants. I guess those people who are telling her to do this are also not heeding the advice. people are dying and more people will die. Sorry if this is uncomfortable or not popular but its the truth. see you after lockdown.

I haven’t been out for a walk yet (hunkered down for one week now). But we’re planning to go out very early in the morning, 7.00-8.00, or quite late at night, 21.00-22.00, to avoid meeting too many people. If we still run into loads of people, we’ll switch to driving out to secluded areas.

Oh my darling, I have come to this late but...man!...you have sooooo much on your plate.
I was exactly you at one point. I had a 5 year old dd, a 2 year old dd and then twins. It was fucking brutal. Brutal I tell you. And I wasn't in a flat on lock down!

You just have to get through the next 2/3 months, set your sights for the day really low and then lower them some more. i.e. Don't bother with education, just try to do things that are easy and mean you can fake 'happy mum' for your children.
You are experienced enough to know that your twins will get into a pattern at some point, and when awake will be able to sit and hold things in no time at all. You also know that children/babies cry and it is not the end of their world as it is usually forgotten in minutes so unless they are hurt try to hold that in your mind.

Weirdly, the dd who was my 2 year old has really happy memories of times when I know I was hanging in rags and totally faking it, so it is doable.

That sounds really hard.

I wouldn't worry at that age by work set by school. I'ld maybe try and get a bit of learning into the day but not formally like reading a book with the 5 year old before bed, maybe a skipping rope, hula hoop or trampoline for exercise and she could count doing it, in 1s, 2s, 5s etc.

I've only got 2 older ones but 1 has autism (and 6 pets!) and would imagine it will get easier after the transition. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

Xenia OP has a 3 month old baby and two other children under the age of 6.

@Bflatmajorsharp
OP has 3 month old baby TWINS! and two other children under the age of 6. She’s a superhero.

4 kids under the age of 6, in a two-bed flat, in the middle of a national emergency? You’re fucking superwoman. Seriously.

In my house we have two grown adults, no children, and we’re already close to snapping.

iPads/CBeebies, audible are streaming free children’s’ books. Do whatever you can to keep them fed and amused, and let your husband take over for a while in the evening when he gets home so you can have a bath or whatever in peace for 30 mins.

Just do your best and try not to put extra pressure on yourself .Its a very difficult situation for everyone at present ,and we are all having to make allowances .Just read to DD before bed, and have some activities that she likes. Play Doh ,some Colouring and so on . In the evenings try to grab an hour or so if you can ,and dont stress too much .As I read on here A good thing to remember "All fed,.none dead!"puts things into perspective!

You might it a lot easier to get a full time job in a supermarket and hire someone to look after the children at home

Jesus, Xenia, I usually think you come across as intelligent but that is quite something. How many babysitters do you think are out there to look after a 5 year old, a 2 year old, and TWO 3 month old babies, in a two-bed flat where another adult is working from home, and all for the equivalent of a retail wage?

Check your temp, you’re talking gibberish.

I did that with children your age and it was a lot more relaxing!

Really, you left a 5 year old, a toddler, and two tiny babies to go work in a supermarket?

OP, my 4 dc’s are older than yours, 3 teens and a yr3 so I have it much easier than you - the teens are getting on with their own work. But even I have called time on the schoolwork today after completing two pieces (out of 6!). Dd is recovering from a bad cold and is extremely grumpy. As soon as I tried to get her to do the 3rd piece she had a breakdown (snot everywhere!) so I just said “right, that’s it for today!”

My thinking is if I can do one or two pieces a day That’s better than nothing. The teachers know that we are NOT as good as them!

We watch cooking shows together on a Friday and choose what to cook over the weekend

That’s lovely btw!

Soup, people who work to ensure others have food are heroes, not morally repugnant people breaching social distancing.