I am absolutely fucking drowning - please help!

[Spanneroo]

First day of school closures and I really truly can't cope.

DD(5) is in yr 1
DD(2) is very high energy and an absolute tornado - no longer has a nap, and attention span of a housefly
DTs(3mos) have very different needs atm as T1 is much bigger and developing faster than T2. Bedtime is synchronised, but daytime schedules are not.

We are in a 2 bed flat which we were due to move out of but it's fallen through since corona and we will likely be stuck here for the foreseeable future.

Trying to get any time for DD(5) to help her with her schooling is an absolute fucking nightmare and I just cannot cope. Since a long walk this morning, there has been a child crying at all times. I can't spread myself this thinly in such a tiny space.

Please does anyone have any ideas, esp for DD(2)? I love her but it's definitely her that's making this so utterly horrendous. She's really hard work usually, when I can spend all day out to keep her running around all the time. The staying at home is absolutely brutal and I can feel myself cracking already . I'm usually very laid back and not much fazes me, but my god, I don't think k can do this!

another one saying dont bother home educating. Just get through the days. In most countries they wouldnt do formal education till later than this anyway, and we are all in a similar boat here, worldwide. She wont be behind.
Do you have any fields or woods nearby to let them run about?

We have been in lockdown in austria for 9 days and I have already seen a big difference in my kids. With nowhere to rush to, we have massively reduced the conflict with the older 2 and DC3 who is 2 has changed a lot. She was very clingy and demanding of my attention but now she can see that I am not going anywhere, she has relaxed massively and is playing much more with her siblings and by herself.

Another thing to do is to pack up all the toys into boxes if you have them. Each day, get out a different box. Studies have shown that they play far more constructively with a smaller number of toys, plus by rotating them, there is something new for them every day

@Spanneroo Ignore people saying you cannot go out for a walk. Of course you can as long as you stay a safe distance away from strangers.

Also, you have my utmost sympathy. As does anyone with more than one school-age child at home (especially if they have have additional needs.) It's gonna be a rough ride.

The bath was an absolute godsend when DS was young. would usually time it as messy play just before bathtime but we used to have a set of bath crayons and he would happily spend ages scribbling and drawing in there too

Shaving foam or other bubble mix
Paint
on one very memorable occasion cold leftover cooked spaghetti and food colouring

DS's best treat game was was pot cupboard drumkit (and packing them away afterwards) though you might want to limit this for your neighbours sake

I think, although I do not always follow this advice myself, creating a structure and routine involving the older children is a good thing. Sit down and do it together. Get them involved in helping out in the house ,chores perhaps with rewards, so they can buy stuff online. Sell it to them as opportunity to learn and do stuff they can't do when at school. I think getting outside and doing some exercise is critical. Perhaps a family keep fit session at some point during the day- could be done indoors. Get the older children to write up the routine to put on the wall and decorate- arts and crafts. Remember part of the routine should identify a slot for you. Mum's relaxation hour. They must write that in there!!!! You can do itxxxxxx

Also OP - separate them. As much as possible.
Child 1 & 2 watch film while child 3 has private time with mummy for example. Switch out and you can get creative with that.
Picnics at home - make a picnic lunch and put a blanket out somewhere.
Meditation, Zumba etc on You Tube. All of you together let off steam.
They can win points and win things pick the movie, decide on a game etc.
Start a Carona diary. Get them to do an entry a day.
Whatever they love make that once a week only. Make them work for it. Use it as a weapon ;)
Make success at quiet time the highest reward in terms of points.
I remember this age - brutal at times. Don't expect too much from yourself at the moment and DON'T watch Social Media and the Uber Moms. You will get depressed! Good luck.

If you have paint, let them paint rocks. Don't have to be fancy, just paint!

You are not expected to take over as teacher. We all have different ages kids and many have other siblings home too. It makes it virtually impossible to teach them if younger siblings don't understand.

Just leave the work. If you have a quiet period once it twice a week then that's great.

Quick ideas.

Draw some shapes for the 5 year old to colour in.

Letters for her to trace.

I've got mine a skipping rope.

Put both in the garden. Blanket on the floor. Books, blocks, drawing, snacks ... Anything.

Get your 5 year old to draw a picture of her family.

Draw a large square with sections. Ask her to draw food inside the lunchbox.

YouTube. Frozen yoga.

Draw a butterfly. Out different wiggly and swirly lines on the butterfly. Tell her to stay on the lines (pencil control)

Bath with bubbles and toys.

Put some coins under paper and let her use crayons to colour and make a coin print.

What has she done at school in the last 2 terms? Space? Get her to draw the sun. Earth. Stars etc.

Draw a bit rectangle and ask her to draw fish in the tank.

Get her to trace over numbers.

I've got a whiney two year old. He spends alot of time watching Bing. But he also loves vehicles and being outside too.

Put music on for both to dance about too.

Football in the garden. .
Daisy chains.

Mixing potions in water (mud, grass, petals)

Buy bird houses to paint from Amazon. Mine loved this.

Give them each a slice of bread to break up and go outside to feed the birds.

Let them amuse themselves in PJ's some days too.

Read bedtime stories.

Don't worry. If they do just ten minutes of something "educational" then you are helping keep their minds busy.

Some days have got to be about just playing and being lazy at home though.

Believe me that list is just loads of ideas. I've not even done half of them before. I'm just trying to think of ideas. But today in feeling very irritated and like I can't take 3 Months of this. My poor five year old is going to be bored next week I can tell. She is fed up after 3 days of nothing much.

Wow OP, with 3 under 3 and a five year old you’d have my sympathy even if there was no coronavirus!

I get the sense that a lot of people are seeing the school stuff as compulsory, when in fact it’s that the schools doing what they can to provide materials for those who want to use them, but with no obligation. At age 5 that must surely be the case.

Can I ask whether their Dad lives with you and, if so, what he is doing during the day?

I wouldn't worry about schoolwork for a 5 year old.

That sounds tough though OP. I'm going stir crazy with one toddler.

As long as you are reading to her, the rest can wait.

I am mildly amazed you are even trying with 3-month-old DT's. You sound like Superwoman!

The official government guidance is "you can go for a walk outdoors as long as you stay 2 meters (6 ft) away from other people. So, wide-open spaces are your friend.

||www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-on-social-distancing-and-for-vulnerable-people/guidance-on-social-distancing-for-everyone-in-the-uk-and-protecting-older-people-and-vulnerable-adults||

You can go for a walk, absolutely. You just don't stop and mix. Do NOT worry about schoolwork x

I'm a teacher....
Don't do the work if you can't..it's really more important for you to keep sane !!!!!
Sending hugs

Second Cosmic Kids Yoga! Dd loves it and will happily do it for half an hour while I wash up. Sometimes twice a day!

I feel slightly like I may go over the edge at some point, but there is wine when she is in bed so I just think “do whatever it takes to get to 7pm and you can sit down”.

And never think about tomorrow. Just the next hour or 2. If you think about it too much it’s overwhelming and you can’t cope.

Fuck the school work.

All you need to work on is surviving

That's ultimately what I'm doing right now with my 6 year old autistic son.

Desperate times. X

Get the older children involved in the housework. You said you dashed around getting the laundry done whilst your 2 year old had her packed lunch. Get her to help you! Get them to sort the clothes - dark colours, white, light colours or however you do it. Then one of them is in charge of putting them in the washing machine, one in charge of putting the liquid in and switching it on. All supervised of course - doesn't matter if it takes longer. They're learning a valuable life skill and you can make a cuppa whilst they sort the clothes and drink it whilst you supervise the loading up.

Same with the cleaning. Give them a cloth with a bit of polish on it and an area to 'dust' - it won't be perfect (it probably won't be done) but they're learning and it's fun for them.

Like someone said they can get cutlery out for dinner or put it away - all helps with counting, collating, figuring out what meals need.

They can help with cooking - you cut potatoes, they put them in the pot, they can stir things, add seasonings (you just have to measure them out and put them on a saucer or something).

Then have a snuggle and watch TV time. My son's favourite programme when he was 4 was Murder She Wrote! Not sure why that was .... may have been something to do with the fact that it was on when I desperately needed him to shut up!

Let them get their toys out and play, then it's a 'race to put everything back' game. it doesn't matter if it's slow or they wander half way through - at least it's half done!

As everyone has said, don't sweat the school work. My DS is secondary level. He's got three pieces of work for today. He's done one. He woke up early so his brain is in a 'can't be bothered' mood. I'm not battling it. I was like that yesterday - today I've spring cleaned the kitchen, done two washes and finished a report. We've also done some keep fit in the garden - which had him and me in stitches as it was based on the old Jane Fonda type exercises. He'll catch up. And it's not like he's going to get detention (!) so I'm keeping an eye on things but fighting the battles I can win. Swings and roundabouts.

Can you do craft stuff with them? I found some 'paint sticks' on Amazon - look like glue sticks but glide on paint that dries in seconds. It's washable too. I work in a school and I use them for my intervention group as normal paint is lethal to school blazers! Get some card and make layering pictures. Find some magazines and cut out shapes then make a collage. It gets them absorbed whilst you have a break.

@HavenDilemma

I also came on to say Jo Wickes at 9am for the older 2.

Look for story time things on CBeebies etc. Colouring, play doh etc.

And, be kind to yourself. We’re all Flying by the seat of our pants

Just concentrate on keeping your dc fed and safe. I certainly would find it hard to cope in your place.
Don’t worry about education, your dc will soon get back to it in September.

People should NOT be worrying about school work. EVERY child will be in the same boat by the time they go back. They will ALL be behind. Not sure how they might adjust things but for now, just don’t put the pressure on yourself. In some countries your 5 year old would not have even started school yet anyway

@Spanneroo you are doing amazingly just by keeping them alive. You’ve had lots of good advice and I’ve nothing to add but you can do this!

A trampette

Such a good idea!! Just ordered one for me and the boys

OP I have two aged 3 and 7 and I'm a LP with no support, not even a kind word from anyone. I'm just expected to be feeder, cleaner, supporter, carer, educator, referee 24/7.... and at the same time worry about my parents and how long this is going to go on for. I just want a hug.

A lot of people are going to learn how hard being a SAHP is.

Good lord. That sounds incredibly tough OP. I also have a whirlwind 2 year old in DS, but only another DC (4) to contend with. I'm in awe of anyone getting through this with a larger family. Echo what others have said. Don't worry about schoolwork. Right now it's about survival and getting through. Even getting out for a walk sounds impressive. for you.

I say this as a very experienced teacher who home schooled for nearly a year when we were abroad and the youngest of my 4 was one. It was so hard, and that was without being stuck inside. Give yourself some space/time to get a new normal! Get used to being with the children all day then build in a bit of stuff - cooking, weighing, tipping water, questions, enjoying books, counting socks... We've all got to work this our own way and if you're over stressing (very understandably!) it will not work.. Honestly, I've been there!

A friend shared this ... Written by a teacher. Original source unknown.

Really useful advice I think. Eg "Don’t worry about them regressing in school. Every single kid is in this boat and they all will be ok. "

“Dear parents with school aged children

You might be inclined to create a minute by minute schedule for your kids. You have high hopes of hours of learning, including online activities, science experiments, and book reports. You’ll limit technology until everything is done! But here’s the thing...

Our kids are just as scared as we are right now. Our kids not only can hear everything that is going on around them, but they feel our constant tension and anxiety. They have never experienced anything like this before. Although the idea of being off of school for several weeks sounds awesome, they are probably picturing a fun time like the summer holidays; not the reality of being trapped at home and not seeing their friends.

Over the coming weeks, you will see an increase in behaviour issues with your kids. Whether it’s anxiety, or anger, or protest that they can’t do things normally - it will happen. You’ll see more meltdowns, tantrums, and oppositional behaviour in the coming weeks. This is normal and expected under these circumstances.

What kids need right now is to feel comforted and loved. To feel like it’s all going to be ok. And that might mean that you tear up your perfect schedule and love on your kids a bit more. Play outside and go on walks. Bake cookies and paint pictures. Play board games and watch movies. Do a science experiment together or find virtual field trips of the zoo. Start a book and read together as a family. Snuggle under warm blankets and do nothing.

Don’t worry about them regressing in school. Every single kid is in this boat and they all will be ok. When we are back in the classroom, we will all course correct and meet them where they are. Teachers are experts at this! Don’t pick fights with your kids because they don’t want to do maths. Don’t scream at your kids for not following the schedule. Don’t mandate 2 hours of learning time if they are resisting it.

If I can leave you with one thing, it’s this: at the end of all of this, your kids’ mental health will be more important than their academic skills. And how they felt during this time will stay with them long after the memory of what they did during those weeks is long gone. So keep that in mind, every single day.

Stay safe. X”