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Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Anyone else going to be really lonely over the next few months?

59 replies

LockdownLonely · 20/03/2020 18:31

I live on my own and apart from going to work Monday to Friday and volunteering once a week I am going to be on my own. I can’t risk seeing my mum and dad as they are vulnerable.

I’m trying to be strong but I feel lonely already and just really sad I’m not going to have a hug for the foreseeable future. I’m going to go outside to exercise still but it just seems like there will be a lot of hours to fill alone at home.

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 20/03/2020 18:33

Yes. But weirdly less lonely than I was in my marriage.

forrasee · 20/03/2020 18:37

Yes. I love alone and am now on wfh indefinitely. It's a lot to process

forrasee · 20/03/2020 18:37

*live

springydaff · 20/03/2020 18:37

Yes. I was panicking big time but I realised my head was in the months ahead, not in today. It may sound cheesy but all the projecting was crushing. Once I got 'in the day' things seemed manageable. I'm not quite there yet but I'm further along than I was.

I think we all know that things often don't pan out the way we think. We can't know how things are going to go, not really.

Arrakis · 20/03/2020 18:41

Me. My partner and I massively fell out 2 days ago and I don’t see a way back, so I’m processing that my life isn’t going to be the way I had planned it to be. I’m high risk so keeping myself v much to myself and having done final shop today because no one else to do it I’m locking down.

I do have my teenage kid for company but they are a pit of anxiety and hormones and a lot of my time is spent keeping them calm so it’s company when they emerge from their room but not at all restful.

Can I join in for adult chat?

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 20/03/2020 18:43

Yes me.

I read all these threads from people stressing out about being isolated with the kids and just think "at least you have people to talk to".

BillysMyBunny · 20/03/2020 18:44

I live alone as well and have been signed off sick for the last 2 weeks. This week has been very lonely as under the new guidelines I haven’t sought to socialise with any friends. I have social anxiety and am awful on the phone so haven’t really had much meaningful contact with anybody.

I work in a residential special school so am classed as a key worker which means when I return to work next week I will at least get some human contact whilst there and I have signed up for a lot of overtime next week just to try and fill the days.

But struggling to imagine what life will be like without proper contact and especially as my mental health has been at such a low even before all of this happened; prior to this I was trying to force myself out of my comfort zone and socialise with friends more often to try and combat my social anxiety and relieve my depression somewhat but don’t know how I will cope now that’s not possible.

Gwlondon · 20/03/2020 18:51

lockdownlonely loads of people will feel like this. Have you got wasaap and zoom? From your volunteering work and work colleagues could you set up some groups of people you are normally with?
I am sorry. I am so worried for so many people in my life and I am trying to set things up left right and centre. If I can sense someone needs support I try and put something in place.
Wasaap is good for messaging. Zoom is good for video calling a group.
Let people know. If you have a DBS you can contact age concern and they can set you up for calling someone else who might be lonely. There are Facebook groups of volunteers and from them wasapp groups in each area.
If you feel like this other people will too. Lots of love. X

lljkk · 20/03/2020 18:56

I have a friend who is begging to come around almost daily. She's finding this extremely painful.

springydaff · 20/03/2020 18:59

A group of us are setting up walks together. We have to be 12ft apart but better than nothing!

IndieTara · 20/03/2020 19:01

Yes I think I will be. Single parent but only have DD half of the week and wfh.
It will be weird

MangePasTesOnglesVilain · 20/03/2020 19:03

Mumsnet will be great.

It's not the same as real life though.

I'm the least huggy person ever but I really want to hug everyone just now when it's so hard.

But it's the last thing we should be doing Sad

Frownette · 20/03/2020 19:07

Snap MangePas!

@LockdownLonely have a huge cuddle from me (if you've washed your hands Wink)

fluffedupferretonsteroids · 20/03/2020 19:11

My partner is at work most of the time or napping as work is killing him. I have a 18 month old and a 6 week old baby, I am finding myself feel incredibly lonely and miss other family.

Egghead68 · 20/03/2020 19:13

Yes - isolated by myself for 12 weeks. I think I prefer it to being stuck in with someone else though! And people keep phoning and texting, which is lovely.

Redcrayons · 20/03/2020 19:13

Yes. Me and my two teens. They're great and I do love spending time with them, but they've got nothing to do and I don't know what to do to keep them occupied whilst I'm working.

I'd made a massive effort to get my social life going when my marriage ended. Not easy as I suffer with anxiety and it's all stopped. I'm in a couple of Facebook groups and one of my clubs has set a weekly check in with challenges that sounds fun.

It's not the same as real life though.

LockdownLonely · 20/03/2020 19:29

Thanks everyone, @OhioOhioOhio I split up with my partner about a year ago and I am definitely glad we are not living together now.

@forrasee hope you’re feeling ok it is a lot to process for sure.

Some good advice @springydaff I am trying hard not to panic.

Sorry you are going through a break up as well as everything else @Arrakis.

@thatmustbenigelwiththebrie yes definitely hearing people at work planning what they will be doing with their families has never felt difficult before but it did today!

@Gwlondon I think me and my colleagues will be completely sick of each other soon! Many of us normally work away all over the country and are only in the office a small amount of the week but we have all been stuck at work together with not much to do for the last two weeks. I also know that we are at risk of being sent home without pay at the moment and they don’t so that is hard as well. I was not able to get a volunteer shift this weekend and I am so looking forward to next weekend when I have one!

@BillysMyBunny I am not good socially either very few close friends, I normally just go with the flow and do enjoy things I am invited to, I am worried as well that I am going to become even more socially isolated now.

Maybe we can use this for some chat and to check in with each other.

OP posts:
LockdownLonely · 20/03/2020 19:38

Sorry took so long to write I missed loads of posts!

@MangePasTesOnglesVilain I didn’t think I was really huggy either but I have changed my mind!

@Frownette thanks for the sterile hug!

Hope you are ok @fluffedupferretonsteroids that does sound really hard. I just can’t wait to be able to see my family again normally.

Glad people are checking in on you @Egghead68 are you able to get your shopping ok with all of the delivery problems?

Yes @Redcrayons I am going to try and keep connected online but you are so right it is just not the same.

OP posts:
user1353245678533567 · 20/03/2020 19:38

Oh. Sad I cried reading your post.

I'd already been having a shit time before this started and I feel really scared and hopeless about how alone I am, especially as this has taken away the possibility of being able to reduce how isolated I am and the only remaining piece of hope I had for making life less crap.

This morning I cried down the phone to a random stranger at Samaritans about how much I wish my mum was still alive so I could have a hug. Or just have her there still to call as someone who knows me and loves me and cares about me. I didn't get to have any of that as an adult.

Instead all I can do is phone a random stranger who doesn't know me, will never meet me or speak to me again, needs me to explain everything from scratch, doesn't really care about me or what happens to me, will forget me, and who will definitely never come to my home to comfort me or offer me a hug.

I don't want to make you feel bad. Your post was reassuring in a way to see I'm not weird for missing my mum. I've been feeling embarrassed and stupid for still crying over how much I miss her. But she died so young and she should still be here.

If you can, try and focus on the fact this situation is uncertain and scary but temporary. You will get another chance to be hugged and to hug them back. This is all in place to keep you all safe. Could you get into a routine of regular video or phone calls? Are they set up with the tech for that? Could you cook together over Skype and things like that? Maybe put out more photos? Or save an album of your favourites on your phone to look at?

When I'm struggling with aloneness I have a blanket I sort of swaddle myself in. It's not the same as being hugged, but it feels a little containing and comforting. Sometimes I just scrunch it up and hold it in my lap instead, because the weight and softness are comforting. It might be something to try when you're feeling sad or overwhelmed? Or you might find something that works better for you. Maybe you could gather a few things that comfort you when you feel sad or lonely? If you do, it can be good to cover different senses.

Coming up with some kind of new routine can soften how overwhelming it all feels. And a distraction project running in the background - focuses your mind and lets you feel like you're achieving something.

Redcrayons · 20/03/2020 19:40

And I am definitely glad we are not living together now

Getting the chills just thinking about if this had happened when we were still together.

Adding this to my 'well it could be worse' list.

madcatladyforever · 20/03/2020 19:44

I'm not bothered at the moment. I have my cat and I chat to my relatives most days online but I think by the end of the year it's going to get really old.

Arrakis · 20/03/2020 19:48

Sorry you are going through a break up as well as everything else

It's not really sunk in yet. It's all in a state of limbo and I have been working and working, so not much to think. The weekend seems like a yawning abyss though.

I am a nerd, but I do think tech will help. Video call where you can, it does make people feel more connected even if you hate looking at your little video as much as I do.

My kid and friends have set up a study group, where they work, but have their videos on and just drop in and out of chat. It does seem to help them.

Lynda07 · 20/03/2020 19:49

No, I like my own company.

TwigTheWonderKid · 20/03/2020 20:14

I absolutely know it's not the same as a human but I think many animal shelters may be desperate for people to take on pets at the moment, even on a temporary basis. Is that something that might help you too?

percheron67 · 20/03/2020 20:25

I feel alone, sometimes, but never lonely.