Anyone else going to be really lonely over the next few months?

[LockdownLonely]

I live on my own and apart from going to work Monday to Friday and volunteering once a week I am going to be on my own. I can’t risk seeing my mum and dad as they are vulnerable.

I’m trying to be strong but I feel lonely already and just really sad I’m not going to have a hug for the foreseeable future. I’m going to go outside to exercise still but it just seems like there will be a lot of hours to fill alone at home.

Anyone else in the same boat?

@TwigTheWonderKid Brilliant idea. Pets are better than people most of the time, nobody greets me like the dog does, he practically screams with excitement!!

OP I know what you mean, I live alone, am on WFH and today it has dawned on me, as I am 20 weeks pregnant that it could be a very lonely pregnancy when I was so looking forward to sharing it with my family. I moved out of London last year to be with family, my brother has just done the same, and now I can’t see any of them or share what is going on or pop round when I am bored. Oddly finding myself a little teary at times for what seems like no reason. It’s only been a few days but I’m feeling really lonely already. It’s Mother’s Day, my family don’t seem to be isolating and they seem to be carrying on like normal. I’m not as I am at risk but part of me really wants to see them and wonders if I am overreacting by not going out. Wish Boris would take the choice away so we just knew and I didn’t have FOMO! I know I could call them but it seems silly when they are 5 minutes away!

I returned to work last week after a quite lonely maternity leave just to have to work from home on my own from next week

I feel alone and very lonely. Working from home, live alone - no pets, no children. I’m going back to be nearer to my parents because I know people there. I at least can physically see people even if can’t touch.

I let work know and was almost refused because working from home means from normal residence. They agreed when I reassured them I would have a confidential space, strangely they didn’t ask me or other colleagues about that for our own homes.

I like my own company, I'm used to doing stuff alone and being alone, but I can still experience aloneness and find it painful and distressing.

Much as I like my own company the prospect of dying alone is pretty shit.

It doesn't replace the physical touch but can you see if you can join any volunteer groups (I see you already do something), even offering phone chats to isolated older people could bring a surprise new friendship, and I think everyone feels more hopeful when they are able to do anything to help in this situation.

userxx Fri 20-Mar-20 20:33:56
@TwigTheWonderKid Brilliant idea. Pets are better than people most of the time, nobody greets me like the dog does, he practically screams with excitement!!
.....
Oh yes pets are great. I hope you can still take him out - early morning and at night when there aren't many people about.

I'm not looking forward to this as I live on my own, however the cat thinks that having me home is great. I'm already missing visiting family and not sure how I'm going to cope.

Having said that I have volunteered on my local Facebook site that if anyone in isolation needs help in getting shopping or dog walking etc.

Yes, me. I have a WhatsApp group with some of my colleagues, but I'm having to ignore it now because I'm the only one who lives alone, and seeing that everyone else has partners and kids is making me feel really shit. It got to the point today where I didn't answer the phone to my boss when he phoned me to check I was getting on OK, because what's the point in telling him that I'm not? There's nothing he can do about it.

I'm trying my best to enjoy being at home with my things around me and my pets. I've been reading, crafting, watching Netflix, and I'll be spending the weekend going on country walks. The National Trust is allowing free entry to its open air attractions, like gardens and parks, so that could offer some respite from being cooped up all day.

I live alone and usually love it but have already felt a bit envious of all my family and friends who have company. My DD and family live down South and so does one of my DBs. Other DB and partner are in Germany. The thought of not seeing them, especially DD and my DGDs is breaking my heart. I know we are luckier than previous generations what with WhatsApp, FaceTime, Skype etc but I just want to hug my little DGDs and sit on the floor and play with them. Im staying away from friends at the moment as I’ve got a sore throat but if I’m ok in week hopefully we will be able to go for walks. The other thing that is going to be a huge problem is that literally 10 steps distance from me they are about to demolish a load of homes and build two 5 story blocks of flats. It’s going to take at least 18 months. So largely confined to home and constant dirt, noise and disruption and won’t be able to sit out on the balcony. I’m the most positive of people but right now I just want to cry.

I also have high bp so am in the at risk group for severe illness if I get coronavirus. I’m feeling really despondent today.

Hi everyone I have read all your posts, thank you for all of your great advice.

@user1353245678533567 so sorry to hear about your mum and that you are feeling lonely too. Thank you for your advice I am going to try and get into a routine of contacting everyone, but most people including my family seem to prefer WhatsApp! I think it is because everyone else does not live alone. Sometimes I just want a proper speaking conversation as otherwise I am literally just conversing with my colleagues and lovely as they are it’s not the same as chatting to friends and family. My mums friend called me the other day just for a chat and it was just lovely and I did feel so much better afterwards.

@Redcrayons yes I feel the same if I ever thought maybe I didn’t make the right decision I am sure I did now!

@madcatladyforever I am worried if I am like this now I am going to feel awful by the end of the year, hopefully I will have gotten better at coping!

@Arrakis yes the weekends are long! Breakups are so hard, I remember being so shocked it felt like the floor and walls were moving. Glad you kids are coping ok.

@TwigTheWonderKid Do you mean to live at my house? I’m allergic to cats and work full time so probably not ok for a dog, I would love to be able to take a dog for a walk a few times a week though.

@Jojo19834 sorry you are going through this when pregnant. You are definitely not overreacting by taking this seriously. Even if you were not in a vulnerable group I still think it’s the right thing to do to protect others. I hope you are still able to enjoy your pregnancy.

@Lsquiggles oh that is bad timing, are you managing ok with a baby and working from home?

@Icare1234 glad your work saw sense! Can’t see how it would matter so long as your computer is secure.

@Coronahomeschoolhell I am going to try and do more shifts where I volunteer already and hopefully be available if anyone needs to cancel due to their health or other circumstances.

@werekitty I think I am going to see if I can volunteer for dog walking too, I love dogs and would love to have a job that would make it possible for me to have one.

@EoinMcLovesCakeJumper sorry you are feeling crap too. I feel like that when people ask me if I am ok, not much point telling the truth what can people do? I went for a walk this morning and did feel much better afterwards.

@SnakePlant like your name I have several! How rubbish you have building work going on now, it just feels like one thing after another sometimes! I am also worried about my health, it just feels like so much to cope with right now. Definitely get out for walks after you throat feels better I felt a lot better after going on a walk today.

Virtual hug to anyone that wants one!

Yes, but fortunately I can still go to work.

Instead all I can do is phone a random stranger who doesn't know me, will never meet me or speak to me again, needs me to explain everything from scratch, doesn't really care about me or what happens to me, will forget me, and who will definitely never come to my home to comfort me or offer me a hug

User I’m a Samaritan. It wasn’t me you spoke to this morning and of course I can’t speak for all Samaritans. But I promise you that I keep so many of my callers in my mind. I sometimes tell callers I will think of them, and if I do tell them that, then I do think of them. Really, I do. Not much use really but I hope it helps a little bit. We care

@Daet Thank you for taking the time to share that with me. Truly, thank you.

User you are more than welcome :)

Yes my DF said do not visit and I can't see my Mum either. No pets. All WFH. The irony being I just got a new office job. I have set reminders on phone to call family.

I'm worried about my sister. She lives alone, will be wfh for the foreseeable, no friends to call, only sees my parents who are very high risk, and me, no pets. She is going to be incredibly lonely. I've said if she isolates for 7 days, and we isolate for 7 days, once we've done that she will have to come round for lunch or something, luckily she lives about 3 mins away in the car.

Erm, please do not worry so much, yes, we will have less social contact BUT we will find ways to get it.

I have no family in this country, lost my job in the last recession (so no money) and although at some point started working from home, I really couldn’t afford even some of the basic things (or meeting for a coffee with a friend). I know it is NOT the same but it was at that time that Facebook kept me sane, I used to spend hours chatting to people online and Mumsnet was always there. At that time I had lunch time blocked on Fridays to meet with a friend who was abroad and in the same boat to have a long catch up on the phone while we had our lunch.

It was also the time that I rekindled the bonds with my extended family, and those strong links remain today 12 years later even when we have not met “in person” in this time. I even threw a party on my birthday, admittedly started as a joke but we ended up with 60 people in 5 countries talking over 12 hours, people would pop in and out and back in of a conversation, I went to bed at 3 am and when I woke up at 10 am, the “party” was still going on.

Oh yes, and OLD, great place to meet with people who are feeling like you, I spent a good few weeks talking to a guy about books and playing scrabble on nights with another even when we were sure we were never going to meet due to distance but the conversation was good and that was enough for me.

If you want to help lonely people, please do NOT tell them “ring me if you need anything/to talk/whatever, just agree to meet for a coffee online at the same time every week or fortnight and you will be helping a lot.

I am an introvert and wfh, so thought I would be good at this.
However, in the past I have always had things to look forward to like theatre trips, lunches and walks with friends. Now they are all gone and my social calendar is a desert instead of a series of stepping stones across a river - and I feel strangely bereft...
I guess I must learn to take one day at a time.
I have subscribed to an online newspaper and Sporcle (quizzes.)
I've decided to go jogging instead of my usual swim and to do an online exercise class instead of my weekly gym session.
I'm hoping to not put on any weight as I have a tendency to comfort eat and right now that sounds very appealing

I am really struggling....

I am on my own with 2 kids, their Dad isn't much good.

Going to work was one of my only opportunities to get out of the house, now WFH.

Feel incredibly lonely!

Yep, resigned to the fact I’m not going to be able to speak to another human being except via text/whatsapp for the next three months.

I don’t have reliable Wifi so can’t use Zoom or similar, and have a hearing impairment so can’t speak on the phone.

If it wasn’t for my cats I go to the roof of my building and throw myself off right now.

I'm finding that the/my panic is subsiding and I'm beginning to adjust. I need to know I'm loved and cared about though, even remotely. Had a major cry this morning because I didn't hear from my kids. Flowers arrived at 2pm, cried again!

Talking to a friend today and we decided the toilet rolls panic buying is because people are shit scared!!

I can relate to that! Even though I didn't panic buy toilet rolls - the impulse was there but I resisted - I have found the first week very difficult indeed.

I've got a list of people to call who are vulnerable eg new widows - in a way there's a big community of lonely people now, which kind of helps : we are not alone in our loneliness.

Sending love to all who are struggling ❤️

Yes big virtual hugs for all those feeling overwhelmed and lonely.

SwerfandTurf. That is such a shitty situation with poor internet and a hearing impairment that rules out phone calls.

It’s having every aspect of life changed beyond all recognition with absolutely no time to prepare that Is making me feel particularly vulnerable. It shows up any gaps In support networks and in my case has made me realise I don’t live in a community which hasn’t really been a problem up till now. I don’t know anyone in any situation who doesn’t feel scared or who aren’t wondering how the hell they’ll cope though.

Thank you. Hopefully it’ll be fixed by next week!

I’m debating taking the service stairs down to the ground floor where I can pick up Barclays’ free wifi from next door. I assume if I’m scrupulous about not touching anything it’ll be much safer than taking the lift.

It's a very daunting prospect. I live with dh and teen dd. We're very rural. We are both working from home now. Dd is mainly in her room doing school work or chatting to her friends. She is feeling isolated now but doing ok so far.

My situation is not the same, I know that, but we have friends who are alone now for various reasons and we're making sure to keep in very close contact.

We have some WhatsApp groups going - one is called Trashy TV with one friend who is about 3 hours from us and on his own. We pick utterly crap tv / netflix to watch - make a drink - wine, tea, squash whatever and then we all tune in at the same time and watch the same thing remotely and comment on it throughout via the App - it's turned out to be a lot of fun and makes us all feel a LOT less lonely. Sort of like a remote gogglebox!

Perhaps you could set something like that up with a friend?

I have 2 other friends and we have set up a different WhatsApp group and we check in and out with each other throughout the day - often inane things like a picture of whatever dinner we've made or a drink in the evening etc. It's just about contact.

It's always really nice to get a text or message from someone just checking in that we're all ok - could you start doing that to friends / colleagues and it gets the ball rolling that way?

It IS a hard situation but it's worth keeping in mind that it will keep you safe - that's what I'm hanging onto to and I'm trying to keep it one day at a time in my mind too.

Hugs!