Elderly parents will not bloody listen.

[DrawMeARainbow]

Sitting here in tears after another phone call from my Mum. Both her and my dad are in their 70s, technically well but Dad has a 'bad chest'- life long smoker.

Dad is staying in and doing well.

My mum will not stay in. She was actually laughing at me. Today alone she's been out at least three different places.

My siblings and I are all teachers so we're keeping ourselves apart from them. My DH and my BILs have repeatedly offered to bring things. They won't fucking listen. What am I supposed to do?!

Same here. DM is almost 75yrs, doesn't think this applies to her. Thinks it's ok for me and DB to go round with grandchildren. I've tried explaining, again and again, but its falling upon deaf ears.

Tbh, this makes me think that when I get old I will tell adult DC nothing. It will be like being a teenager again. Smile & sneak around doing exactly as I please.

I'm honestly near tears. If my dad gets this, he's very likely to die. It's not about been a fucking teenager.

As incredibly frustrating as it is, the fact here is that they are adults who are responsible for their own decisions.

As someone who is in a highly at-risk category with a serious heart condition, while I personally am staying at home and taking all precautions not to catch the virus, it feels incredibly infantilising when other people try to decide for me what I should and shouldn’t be doing.

I am doing the right things, but there is always someone out there with the opinion that I should be doing more.

I do think that people who are vulnerable should be staying at home, but I also think that many older people do feel they’ve lived their life and want to continue doing so. Also, seeing the reaction and fear from many older people, I think there is something to be said for the fact that they are at least not in a complete panic/anxiety state over it all.

I do understand your frustration though.

They are adults, they are responsible for themselves. At their age they must be very aware of their own mortality and maybe wanting to make the most of the life they have left. I would probably be the same at that age.

Well most shops etc will be closing from tonight so perhaps she will start to get the message?

It sounds tough, OP, I’d be upset too.

It’s all very well to say older people are adults and might just want to make the most of the time they have left but the problem is they won’t be refusing critical care and an ICU bed if they get the virus and need one. They’ll do as they please now and then the healthcare system will have to pick up the pieces.

The economy is going down the drain, millions of people are having their lives turned upside down and virtually all the people I know aged 25-45 are doing the right thing and socially distancing, and essentially we’re doing this to protect older people - who, it seems, couldn’t give two fucks about any of it. I work for a housing association and we’ve been trying to make it clear to all our sheltered housing tenants that they need to stay indoors and we’ll help them with supplies etc. Virtually all of them are declining the help and saying they’re still going out daily to shop and see friends. I could throttle them.

It’s frustrating op, i can’t believe the amount of elderly people I still see standing around in the streets, close together chatting away for ages not a care in the world, whilst my area (community nursing) is just waiting for the inevitable storm to hit and it is clearly going to be worse than I thought

I hate that people are saying they’re basically old and ready to die. It’s not about them as an individual, they’ll be taking a hospital bed and ventilator up when it could be used for someone that has tried to be careful but contracted the disease through no fault of their own. They’re helping to stretch the NHS and it’s staff to its limit. They’re being careless and selfish!

They need a short sharp shock. Have they not seen the Italy report on Sky?

The army in Italy have been used to transport coffins because crematoriums cannot cope with volume of the dead.

news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-italian-army-called-in-to-carry-away-corpses-as-citys-crematorium-is-overwhelmed-11959994

their schools have been closed to make hospitals and some morgues are now used to treat the sick.

And unfortunately I know a lot of people that are acting the same 😫

And if they don't think UK is affected then tell them to look at this

news.sky.com/story/coronavirus-london-mortuary-to-expand-to-cope-with-deaths-11959712

I hate that people are saying they’re basically old and ready to die.

I agree. I’m seeing this a lot. I don’t think this is the case, generally speaking. The 70+ people I know think they’re not old, think they’re entirely healthy despite various health conditions, and certainly expect top notch health treatment. In general they have far higher expectations of the NHS than people my age (40s).

I realise this is just anecdote but it’s my experience and I know quite a few older people. The idea that they think they’ve got one foot in the grave already just isn’t true. If they were in their 90s, maybe - but even so, they’re not going to refuse medical treatment (even if they could), are they?

You have to find a way to let it go because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change their outlook and behaviour. You can only control your own actions.

Does anyone think it's funny that garden centres stay open, & National trust sites now have free parking? I mean... it's not in the soc-distancing spirit, is it. Not for elderly.

My parents are the same. My mum swanned off to Iran last week AFTER all the news stories of how the epidemic had taken a stronghold there.

I'm so incredibly angry with her but there's nothing I can do. Just hoping she doesn't infect my family (mostly worried about her meeting up with my grandma). It's really bloody selfish and needless, and it's going to take a lot for me to get over it.

If people want to go out, then they need to sign a D.N.R. Why should my sensible parents not have a ventilator because Ethel at number 3 couldn't see the big deal?

Phone your parents tomorrow and breezily tell them that you and your siblings have been chatting and you wanted to check your parents have their Wills up to date. And also, can they start the process to set up Power of Attorney for you.

Tell them these are necessary activities given they are putting their lives at risk, as there is a high chance they will both die when they get the virus.

I think shock tactics are in order, honestly.

Same problem .. it’s so damn frustrating!

I have to give my dad credit, he is pootling about the garden and hasn't been out apart from that.

Mum is just completely oblivious. She has seen the trucks in Italy, she knows the numbers. She's an intelligent woman FFS. And yet she cannot get it into her head that she needs to stay in.

Both of them would probably be here for 5 years at least if it wasn't for this.

Then there is nothing you can do except protect yourself from your Mum. I feel sorry for your Dad.

I got the message through to my parents today by explaining that healthy people have died, and that in 2 weeks time the NHS will not have enough ventilator to ho around. So stay in, so you dont catch it now and then need treatment in 2 weeks.

It’s not about them as an individual, they’ll be taking a hospital bed and ventilator up when it could be used for someone that has tried to be careful but contracted the disease through no fault of their own.

I wouldn't bet on that. There will almost certainly have to be a triage system in which older people will not be prioritised. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that what's happened in Italy?

Exactly what @ComtesseDeSpair said

My mother is the same, swanning off down the shops, telling me how she bumped into so-and-so. She wont be stopped.