Anyone with older DC who had epic tantrums as toddlers - how do they behave when older?

[BriefDisaster]

DD is 3 and has the most epic tantrums over the slightest little thing.

Yes I know it's normal for toddlers to tantrum but these are next level. It affects out family life and has done since she was born (she was a very clingy and needy baby). My eldest (6) had his moments but was generally happy to just go with the flow but DD can melt down over anything and is so unpredictable.

We had some success with time outs but after a few weeks it got worse. She is well behaved at nursery but often will melt down about going in the morning and from what I can gather it is because they don't do everything her way there and whislt she won't have a melt down about it for them she will save her frustrations up for me the next morning.

I worry about that it will never end. She is very sweet otherwise. Very clever and creative.

Has anyone come out the other end with nice calm kids?

stubborn, but nice.

Nope. Diagnosed with autism at 6 years old.

My DD is nearly 4 and the last year or so her tantrums have been off the scale, but she is finally getting better and seems that the tantrums don't go on as long and aren't as frequent. Hopefully it's an age thing!

DS's tantrums were legendary, I remember being mortified when he went on for 30mins non-stop in front of my parents. We did have a lot of success with 1,2,3 Magic, and with ensuring any changes to routine or even just moving from one place to another were communicated in plenty of time and were counted down to (i.e. we are going to the shops in 10mins, we are going in 5 mins, we are going in 2 mins). He's now 8 and is lovely, can be stubborn and resistant to new things a bit but is so much easier than he used to be!

Yes Ds2 was a nightmare between18 months and 4. Tantrums, moaning, winging. He didn’t like cuddles so it was hard to calm him other than let me just rev down if you see what I mean
Is sort of petered off. I think a lot of it was frustration- not being able to physically do things as too little and not being able to express himself
He has developed into an inquisitive and interesting to talk too person (I’m biased of course). Still quite picky in who he will be friends with but that’s no bad thing.
Hopefully it’s a phase and will pass.

Ds1 was slow to talk and he'd melt down with frustration. Once he learned to communicate, he became bloody lovely. He w diagnosed with aspergers last year. Dd kept going for longer, just less frequent. She can still be a pain in the arse at 21,but generally lovely now.

Yes. You're describing my DS at 3 (and up to 5 or 6 if I'm honest) - the tantrums could go on for literally hours and they would always be over something trivial, but unfixable, like he'd dropped a pebble he liked and couldn't find it again, or he hadn't wanted to go somewhere and then changed his mind when it was too late.

I remember sometimes crying and wailing into a pillow myself when a whole day of dealing with him screaming his head off had really got to me. I worked part-time and I dreaded my days with him which is awful as he was like your DD, also lovely, funny and bright, but OMG the tantrums 😱

He is now the most helpful, chilled, wise and witty teenager who is (fingers crossed) well-behaved, doing well at school (after struggling at primary) and lovely to be around. He does have some SEN - dyslexia and some asd traits though not a full diagnosis - but he is learning to cope very well.

I do also have a DD who was also stroppy at 3 and is still stroppy at 10, however her tantrums weren't anywhere near as bad as his. I think he was very frustrated by being a small child. Time out never worked, as it made no sense to him and he just wouldn't co-operate. I remember very irritating friends and family saying things like "Well WE just put Oscar on the naughty step!" as if I hadn't thought of that, and if my DS would just fucking sit there unquestioningly like f*cking Oscar it wouldn't be so hard would it! :o

I can't promise anything but I can at least say I know how it feels

Another no. And diagnosed with autism age 16.

My brother used to have massive tantrums, he grew into one of the most calm, easy going, helpful, besotted Dad and husband that I know. My other brother, who was really easy going and good humoured as a child has become a grumpy old man who is really quite difficult - they are both over 50 now .

Autism diagnosis.

Age 2 was a fug of one "tantrum" after another, often inexplicable. His speech started OK but was slow to progress. It was a tough year, I was pregnant, ended up on crutches with SPD, crap tough recovery birth, followed by a month of Chicken Pox (thanks for sharing it with your barely 2 month old brother dude)
3 eased a little, SALT difficulties reached intervention threshold a year after I first queried it.
4 a bit better again.
5 (starting school) bit of a flare-up and back to the floor polishing days.
6 a bit better again.

1. SATS. OMFG. A record 4 hour meltdown one evening. Referral made. Diagnosis at 9.

It has got easier as many things like sensory triggers have been identified. Some can be avoided (shorts not trousers) some mitigated (ear defenders in noisy places, some at least prepared for.

Most of the time he is a delight... except when he isn't...

Ds 9 was awful from about 18months to 5 years. Starting school really helped him though. He is still a bit touchy and very stubborn now. He can fly off the handle sometimes but he can also be ‘jollied’ out of it too. I’m dreading puberty to be honest! That said, he is mostly very sweet, quiet, calm, creative and polite and he always calms down very quickly and apologises. There’s hope

Yes - hair pulling, heel drumming tantrums. He once pushed me over in the street when I was 8 months pg and kneeling down to comfort him: he was 3 then. Now he’s 12 and a pleasure to be around. But tbh a lot if the gentle parenting techniques worked well with him - distraction, limited choices, etc - and there was never any indication of special needs or any neuro issues. We got very adept at managing it, and he grew out of it.

Awful Awful as a toddler. Slow to talk. Lovely, funny, kind adult. Can still melt down if anxious.

DS2 now 14. OMG he was a nightmare and I remember one particular meltdown at Great Yarmouth where I had to hold him down from running off. He still is extremely stubbornstill but he knows his own mind which I love. He had a late onset stammer which he has mainly overcome now.

Thank you for all the responses. A mixed bag, guess I will just have to wait and see.

Feel like perhaps I was too smug about how well behaved DS was (which was obvs my great parenting and not at all blind luck of course!). Have sure been brought down off my high horse with DD!

My younger brother had the most ridiculous tantrums. He would throw himself to the ground in a heap and scream and kick - it went on until he was about 10 and almost as tall as me, which was a sight to behold he was aggressive and destructive and would never do what he was told.

He is now 23 and the most laid back, quietly spoken, chilled guy I know. Ironically after numerous assessments for autism, ADHD, etc when he was little, it turns out I’m autistic and he’s neurotypical!

Opinionated, likes to have the last say, confident, very intelligent.

Dear God the tantrums...I remember one lasting (in varying intensity) all afternoon...I put him to bed at 5.30 in the end... It was tricky until about year 4. Loads of energy, constantly fidgeting, calling out in class etc. Running, jumping bouncing everywhere. We had to be incredibly boundaried and ultra consistent, thousands of hours of repetition of the same rules (the incredible years book is my recommendation). Loads of exercise and fish oils helped. He's now at secondary, doing very well, is well liked and has a great attitude, sparky, funny but more appropriate .
I remember seeing his reception teacher in year 6 she was very experienced and a godsend. She asked after him and I said that he was still quite lively. She told me that the world needed people like my son that saw things differently and had that had that energy...I nearly cried...But yes it was knackering, you have my sympathy..

Mine is still stubborn and also likes to have the last word. Master of the evil stare too 😆 was a late talker too and has some mild speech and language difficulties still. Mixture of personality and some communication issues I suspect.

My younger brother is 11 years younger than me. I still remember the embarrassment of being out as a family when he had a tantrum. They were truly epic and happened every day, Everywhere.

25 years on and he is a junior doctor specialising in paediatrics. At uni he did volunteer work with vulnerable people and played sport to international level. At school he was head boy and super popular.

I'm not quite sure when the transformation happened (maybe when he was 8 or 9) but we were all glad it did!

8 now. Still intense. Can still be utterly lovely (prob most of the time if I am being fair), can need a lot of ‘understanding’. Ball rolling for possible SEN - at the min the working theory is dyspraxia but who knows really.

I had mine the other way round (2yo is an easygoing delight) and sometimes the comparison feels a little bit heartbreaking. I mean, even within the context of first world problems this is nothing. But so much with DC1 just feels so needlessly difficult and while I thought I’d feel vindicated to have DC2 turn out so agreeable (aware she’s still young...), actually I just feel more gutted for DC1, because it seems so unfair.

Dd was a nightmare up until age 6. When she was 2/3 she would wee herself on purpose if I tried to put her on time out or make her sleep in her own bed. When she was 5 she would often scream and quite frankly behave like she was possessed. She is 13 now and is lovely, lovely, lovely.

Ds2 liked a tantrum, was very stubborn. He's 18 now and bloody great.

Don't give up!

My sister had the WORST tantrums and was still like it in her teenage years. She's now 25 and an absolute angel! Like a completely different personb

Another No and another awaiting an ASD diagnosis (after a very long haul). I always used to think it was my parenting as people would just tell me to distract her and I just couldn't. It was only when DCs2-4 turned up and I was able to, that I realised that it wasn't just me not being able to do it.