Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

WWYD afternoon tea with someone who blanks you?!

37 replies

sunrainshines · 11/03/2020 21:55

I moved to a new area 2 years ago and a friend of a friend introduced me to a nice group of girls. I've made some really good friends in that group. But one of the girls (Jane) was never really very friendly and eventually started blanking me. Jane since has moved away and so the blanking has so far been at larger events such as weddings so I just went about my business and it was easy to just avoid Jane. Not a problem. I've never mentioned it to the other girls because this is their friend (I'm sure one or two of them must have noticed by now tho as its been going on for over a year),and I didn't want to rock the boat.

So the WWYD: I was invited to afternoon tea with a small group of 5 girls in a nice restaurant this weekend. After I had accepted the invite and paid a deposit, the host added Jane to the group whatsapp and invited her to join us. WWYD? would you still go and sit awkwardly while someone is probably going to blank you and not really knowing what reception you will get or would you drop out of this one? I could just say I'm not well?!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 11/03/2020 21:58

Well she is going to look the rude awkward one not you...

Kill her with politeness and warmth.

JadH08 · 11/03/2020 21:59

I'd still go. If you get on with the other girls it doesn't have to be an issue.

Notquitethefirestarter · 11/03/2020 21:59

Don’t miss out - rise above it and just don’t sit next to her.

I’d be tempted to ask her a direct question in front of the others and see how she reacts 😆

Herpesfreesince03 · 11/03/2020 22:00

Why can’t you speak to the 5 other girls?

Moo7878 · 11/03/2020 22:06

Exactly what @RandomMess said. You have the upper hand here!

BecauseReasons · 11/03/2020 22:11

I have a colleague who periodically tries to blank me. I just ask a direct question and, if I get no response, repeat it loudly. Pressure to respond within societal norms wins out- they know they're acting like schoolkids.

IdblowJonSnow · 11/03/2020 22:12

Oh god, I hate stuff like this.
But in some ways I guess you do have the other hand if you choose to look at it in that way.
Not sure I'd go. Hate it when other people are then added after the event! - If you don't like them or vice versa.

Divebar · 11/03/2020 22:14

Oh I’d go for sure.... how is she going to blank you in a small group? She’d look like a bitch. I’d take the initiative and ask her lots of lovely open questions “ So Jane... how are the kids?” Etc etc. I wouldn’t retreat into myself and feel awkward I’d step up and be present in the conversation.

bemoreeverything · 11/03/2020 22:14

I would have messaged her long since tbh, but in your case I would not go. I'm not a fan of sitting in awkward social situations.

ILikePaperHats · 11/03/2020 22:16

If she hates you so much why has she agreed to go?

DeeCeeCherry · 11/03/2020 22:16

Why is it all about her? There'll be others there. If she blanks you then blank her.

SarahAndQuack · 11/03/2020 22:17

What do you mean by blanking you?

If she just chooses not to chat to you in social situations, she's just not that keen to chat to you and it's no issue.

If she responds to your polite hello by waiting until the entire room is fixated on your interaction and in a state of breathless silence, then turning on her heel without a word ... yeah, ok, you have a point and you might want to get in touch with her ahead of time to ask what the fuck her problem is.

Sorry to be cynical, but IME an awful lot of the time when adult women use terms like 'blanking me,' it makes me think they might be rather hard work.

LJenn · 11/03/2020 22:18

I'd go and be extra nice and polite. She'll look like a right pratt if she continues to blank you. People can be odd, not your problem💕

Fannia · 11/03/2020 22:20

Zoom in, eat all the best cakes and make some passive aggressive comment about her being so lovely then zoom off again.

SuperMeerkat · 11/03/2020 22:22

Definitely go with the open question thing and something like, ‘I like your dress where did you buy it?’ Say that in front of the group so if she ignores you she’ll look like the twat and you’ll look like the kind one being an adult.

Original poster
sunrainshines · 11/03/2020 22:23

@Herpesfreesince03 I can talk to the other girls. Do you mean tell them that she's blanking me? I'm a little nervous as they've all known each other since childhood and I'm the newbie! As you can probably tell I'm not the most confident either. But I suppose I could call one of them and mention it. They may all see it anyway at the afternoon tea.

OP posts:
RosiePoseyPanda · 11/03/2020 22:28

Girls?!! How old are you all?

RandomMess · 11/03/2020 22:28

No don't say anything to the others, they will see it for themselves.

BottleLidl · 11/03/2020 22:33

Have a script of polite questions to ask her that require more than a one word answer. Smile and be friendly.

Original poster
sunrainshines · 11/03/2020 22:38

Thanks for the advice everyone! Theres some great ideas on here!
I dont think I'm brave enough to ask her lots of questions in front of everyone but maybe if I have enough wine! Grin Although maybe it is better to bring it to a head like that infront of everyone? I think I would find that quite nerve wracking though as I'm quite shy generally, but then maybe thats why she does it because she knows I wont confront her

OP posts:
theneighbourswindchime · 11/03/2020 22:39

Can you message her privately?

Ask her outright if there's anything you can do to clear the air?

ALongHardWinter · 11/03/2020 22:41

She's the one with the problem,not you. Hopefully the others there will notice that she's being rude.

Findumdum1 · 11/03/2020 22:42

It might help to think of yourself as a strong woman rather than a school girl.

Lynda07 · 11/03/2020 22:43

I'd back out of going and not say anything to the other girls about her blanking you. If they haven't noticed it before they aren't going to do anything now and if she was asked, she'd deny it. She's moved away so you're not likely to bump into her that often.

Stompythedinosaur · 11/03/2020 22:45

Just act like you haven't noticed she's blanking you. Talking normally to her and the others. She will show herself up if she's rude.