WWYD afternoon tea with someone who blanks you?!

[sunrainshines]

I moved to a new area 2 years ago and a friend of a friend introduced me to a nice group of girls. I've made some really good friends in that group. But one of the girls (Jane) was never really very friendly and eventually started blanking me. Jane since has moved away and so the blanking has so far been at larger events such as weddings so I just went about my business and it was easy to just avoid Jane. Not a problem. I've never mentioned it to the other girls because this is their friend (I'm sure one or two of them must have noticed by now tho as its been going on for over a year),and I didn't want to rock the boat.

So the WWYD: I was invited to afternoon tea with a small group of 5 girls in a nice restaurant this weekend. After I had accepted the invite and paid a deposit, the host added Jane to the group whatsapp and invited her to join us. WWYD? would you still go and sit awkwardly while someone is probably going to blank you and not really knowing what reception you will get or would you drop out of this one? I could just say I'm not well?!

Again, how are you and these girls?

All you need to do is be polite and focus on the other women in the group. Don't ignore the difficult one, but don't try to engage her either.

How old... are you...

Not sure why it matters how old she is? What is the relevance? She's asking for advice how to deal with an issue.

I wont answer any questions about age its not relevant to the situation and theres no requirement on mumsnet to post your age on threads. But I do appreciate any comments or advice relevant to the situation.

No no its not about your age OP but you must not use the word 'girls' to describe any female over about 18 it's a mumsnet rule (that nobody else in the whole world is bothered by because they see that it is affectionate not demeaning) and is used to put uneducated females like you in your place .

As to your issue with the blanker depending on your confidence levels either meet greet and offer your hand or just ignore too and if anyone queries just say oh so and so doesnt speak to me so i cant be arsed either . Always fun to call out the behaviour but not always eady to do .

Ok so based on the advice I think I will go with the just be polite and talk to the others option. The most awkward bit will probably be the arrival as we tend to greet each other individually. Aside from that I can just talk to the others and sit away. I guess if she does any blanking it will at least call it out to the others so there will be less awkward invites like this one!

thanks @ginandbearit I think I'll keep the 'oh Jane doesnt speak to me so I cant be arsed either' line up my sleeve in case the greeting bit feels too awkward!

Haha my pleasure! Have fun 😁

She's not going to blank you in front of the others. People like Jane are always two-faced.

Perhaps Jane is shy/wary/socially anxious? Hence why she’s not very forthcoming at making conversation? And you describe yourself as a bit low in confidence too? Go to the tea, greet Jane in front of the others, if she’s not keen to chat then you have others to speak to. Sounds like she’s been invited as an afterthought anyway - others in the group might feel the same as you.

I agree with others, just act totally oblivious to it and be friendly and chatty with everybody. She's the one who will end up looking like a chump.

Yep, it’s awkward but try and be as civil and polite as possible, because then she looks like a dick - you look like you haven’t done anything to warrant her nastiness in the eyes of the others. It will wind her up more if you act oblivious to her coldness too, she’ll feel irrelevant as she didn’t succeed in forcing you out/hurting your feelings