Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Bring your worries over here, the Night Shift are here to mind them.

996 replies

NaomiFromMilkShake · 11/03/2020 10:56

Starting a new thread because the old one is full, I never thought when I started it that it would a) be moved to Classics and b) help so many people.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Frownette · 20/09/2020 01:03

@danio01 we're all here holding you. So get some rest from it tonight. Can you get someone to go with you when you need to pick up things? But relax and leave it here for tonight. You can deal with it on a fresh day.

My main worry for tonight is that I've had a bag of clothes from landlord's wife and parcel from neighbour today but I don't want to go through them. I don't like unexpected gifts. I'll try to go through them tomorrow.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/09/2020 01:07

@Frownette isn't it odd that we have come to a place where unexpected gifts can throw is off kilter? Don't worry about it now though. Just get some rest. We can cozy all these worries up for tonight. They shall be quiet, and we shall all rest.

Frownette · 20/09/2020 01:12

I like the phrase "they shall all be quiet".

SmokeMirrors · 20/09/2020 01:13

Reading about repressed memories not being a real thing from another thread, not sure how to approach this with someone close who's repressed memories of abuse have controlled all aspects of her life and mental health for many years. How can I possibly tell her those memories aren't real? It'll sound like I don't believe her.

Not looking for an answer from anyone, just worried about approaching it while knowing I can't leave it.

Smellbellina · 20/09/2020 01:15

Can I share my worrry?
My ex is contesting the non-mol that was granted against him, ever since I read his statement it’s been like a kick in the face. I’m doing really well at not letting it take over my thoughts during the day, why is it so hard at night??

Boomclaps · 20/09/2020 01:18

Oh @danio01 sounds like it’s really heavy going for your. Please remember to make space fir you.

Can I have a handhold please- currently in paediatric A&E With dd 6weeks old

Toobright · 20/09/2020 01:19

Am sleeping in the spare room because have had a row with DH. Am more pissed off than upset at his genuinely unreasonable behaviour. Told him so and he got nasty so I told him the way he speaks to me is unacceptable. Came upstairs and went to the spare room. But the spare room doesn’t yet have curtains. So I’m awake. And I’m going to be exhausted tomorrow.

It was our wedding anniversary a couple of weeks ago. Mostly we rub along ok, he’s a bit entitled and at times unreasonable. Tonight I don’t really feel like there is any point going on with our marriage. We have two children, 4 and 6. I’ve always thought things were good enough and that he was a positive influence in their lives. Right now I’m questioning that big time.

Toobright · 20/09/2020 01:20

Hope paeds a&e can help you. Been there, many years ago with a 3 week old Flowers

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/09/2020 01:22

I shall corral all of these worries and keep them stilled for now. Sending peace and love to all of the night worries. ❤️

Frownette · 20/09/2020 02:01

So many people @Boomclaps must need some rest? Sorry this is happening but need your pace.

@Toobright look into it in the morning

#Smellballerina hope you can rest tonight and tomorrow is a brighter day :)

I'm waiting up as a friend is phoning me in approx 10 minutes.

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 02:30

Hi I wonder if someone can help me please.

My 17year old teenage daughter moved in with her dad over a year ago over a fallout. Although things are better between us she is very distant and living a relaxed life between her dad and her boyfriend's house.

I worry and lie awake at night and just don't know how to raise my concerns with her without falling out. We were very close and she is my only child so I'm heartbroken that we are no longer close. Thanks

Frownette · 20/09/2020 02:36

Can you talk to her?

Obviously not right at this second but tomorrow and try to gently elicit what's going on.

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 02:40

@frownette she is always busy or promises to keep in touch but then doesn't call. I think she is avoiding me so as not to have to face up to any questions about how she is spending her time. She no longer has any hobbies or interests other than hanging out with her friends (all male as she doesn't like the drama apparently with girls). Her dad isn't helping as he lets her just get on with it.

HannaYeah · 20/09/2020 02:45

Hi all!
@SmokeMirrors I’ll take your worries tonight.

@Frownette thanks for looking for me! It’s been a crazy time but I’m happy and relaxed right now.

I’m glad to see this thread tonight.

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 02:57

@Frownette thanks for listening and trying to help.

If you or anyone has any suggestions on how to rekindle my relationship with my daughter, please let me know. I didn't have the best childhood so I made sure I didn't repeat my parents mistakes.

I just want my daughter to know I love her and still here for always regardless of the hour distance between us. I'm going to try to get some sleep now. Thanks

Frownette · 20/09/2020 03:08

@HannaYeah lovely to have an update from you! So pleased to hear you feel happier.

@Campingisfun definitely agree with that, I love it as well. Give your daughter a little time to come around.

helpplease01 · 20/09/2020 03:21

Hi,
I have a 17 year old daughter who, for the last year and a half has been suffering with depression. She was such a happy hopeful full of life person, who has completely lost her hope spark joy.
She's in last year of school. She was delighted with lock down as it took the pressure off her for impending exams. Now back at school, she's struggling again. She's afraid to leave school and struggling to stay. She's on anti anxiety meds, has ADD .
I said she can stay at hope till she feels able to get better and ready to move on.
Are there any support groups for them. I'm in Edinburgh.
My heart is breaking for her. Can anyone advise?
Regards

2018SoFarSoGreat · 20/09/2020 03:40

@helpplease01 so sorry to hear of your struggles. I have no practical advice but I can hold this worry for you so that you can rest your weary body and soul. You just close your eyes, and let it go. Just for now. That's it.

RightYesButNo · 20/09/2020 03:57

@helpplease01 I can’t sleep so I’ve researched this for you. There are two groups in Edinburgh and they’re both geared to adults, and at least one or both are shut for COVID. BUT! One is a group for parents/carers and has the email address of the group organizer, which I’m PMing to you. She might be able to either put your daughter in touch with other teenagers who are going through what she is, or recommend activities that parents in the group, who have ADD teenagers, have found helped their young adults. So I’d email her and explain the situation and ask for some advice based on Edinburgh.

redlockscelt · 20/09/2020 04:52

@Campingisfun

Hi I wonder if someone can help me please.

My 17year old teenage daughter moved in with her dad over a year ago over a fallout. Although things are better between us she is very distant and living a relaxed life between her dad and her boyfriend's house.

I worry and lie awake at night and just don't know how to raise my concerns with her without falling out. We were very close and she is my only child so I'm heartbroken that we are no longer close. Thanks

I'm in the same situation though my Dd is a little older and living independently. We just aren't close at all any more which makes me so sad. I have no idea what is going on in her life.
HannaYeah · 20/09/2020 05:07

@Campingisfun @redlockscelt

We just went through this with my stepson. Many night that I posted about worries here were exactly about that.

I think so much of it is normal for a teenager to pull away from their parents. Especially for kids from situations where their parents are not together; the opportunities to exert their independence are increased.

My stepson is now at University but we have a better connection than we did with him for the last year prior when he was mainly at his Mom’s house.

Honestly, I did the same thing 30 years ago as a teen. I clung to my Dad and pushed away my Mom. She was the more stable, loving parent. He was the one that was harder to understand and whose love was uncertain and not assured.

Keep doing what you are doing but also please find ways to distract yourself and stay busy.
Flowers

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 11:37

@helpplease01 just sending you virtual hugs and to say I share your pain. My world was turned upside down two years ago when my daughter seemed to change overnight. Since then she has been diagnosed with anxiety and had some counselling through CAMHS. I hope you manage to find some help locally.

Please do message if you want to chat or offload. It certainly feels like I am alone in this at times amongst my few friends. Take care ❤

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 11:54

@redlockscelt so sorry to hear about your DD. It's heart breaking to lose the relationship and I am not sure how long it takes for us to get used to it.

Take comfort that you are not alone, thanks to this forum and the lovely ladies who have responded. X

Campingisfun · 20/09/2020 12:01

@HannaYeah thank you very much for taking the time to respond and share your experience.

I am hoping to talk to my daughter later on, if it all works out. Most of the information says not to ask too many questions. I don't know what she is up to except for the snippets she shares or the posts on Instagram.

How do I as a mum make sure she understands some of the dangers with drinking and relationship with boys without her shutting me out, thinking I am lecturing her ? I would appreciate any tips.
Thank you xx

HannaYeah · 20/09/2020 18:57

I encouraged my husband to keep parenting despite it all, but also to focus on the important things. So less reminding about schoolwork, etc allowing him to make his own mistakes. But more I love yous, are you doing ok, and bigger picture safety stuff. Lots of unconditional love and also, he apologized quickly for times when he lost his temper during the whole process. Because that’s going to happen.

It’s such a tough spot to be in when parents aren’t both focused on what is best for a teen, because I think for many people it’s a terrible time any way.

SS asked ME for help with homework yesterday. Texted on my birthday that he misses me and loves me. Every little thing like that feels massive to us now.

Stay strong. My mom is my best friend now and I pulled all this on her as a teen.