Issues with food addiction?

[Purplestains]

I am posting because I think I might have certain addictive behaviours around food and I want to know how to stop. I never thought of myself as being an addict, I have never drank smoked or used drugs but I think I might be using food in a negative way.

For example, I don’t currently work due to a health problem. WhenI wake up very often I don’t really want to eat food so I leave it a while then I’m suddenly ravenous and can’t wait to cook something proper so I grab a bag of crisps or some chocolate and probably some coke also. Sometimes I’ll even have 2 or three bags of crisps and another chocolate bar then I’ll need to go out to replace (so my husband doesn’t find out) what I’ve eaten and while I’m out I’ll buy another can of coke and a chocolate bar for after I get back home. I also often buy a packet of super noodles for lunch which is not very healthy especially when I have things like salad and whole meal pittas at home which I should have instead. Often I don’t really enjoy the food I’m eating, I’ll eat a Cadbury’s chocolate bar which is all waxy and too sweet or flavourless noodles and coke just because I have them. Last week I spent £25 replacing chocolate, coke and crisps from the household cupboard to hide my daytime eating habits from my husband. That’s a lot of money to waste on crap.

I’m actually a good cook who is fussy about food and I make pretty much everything from scratch for my husbands evening meal but I eat crap during the day.

I think part of the issue is that I suffer from a lot of migraine headaches and snacks of salt crisps and a can of coke can really help me feel a lot better when I’m ill if taken along with my medication. My medication also makes me feel very drowsy and lethargic and so the coke helps pep me up a bit and gives me the energy to get a few things done. I’m craving some right now but trying to resist, I often end up thinking just one last time.

I am worried about my weight, I’m about 250lbs and although people say I don’t look that big I’m definitely fat, obese in fact. My blood tests are all in normal range but I worry about my long term health and about my teeth. I hate being fat and hide away a lot out of shame but I’m also in denial a lot of the time. I have asked my GP and neurologist for help but they both shut me down because as long as my weight isn’t causing a “related” health issue then it’s not a concern for them, I’m told that they can only help me once I have diabetes or high blood pressure for example. I know they don’t have the money in the NHS to help everyone with a weight problem.

What can I do to help myself with this issue. I am developing other bad habits or addictive tendencies I think out of being fat and ashamed like excessive internet use and basically living in a fantasy world where ai can be healthy and slim and an acceptable member of society. It’s one bad habit reinforcing the other.

If anyone has any advice please could you reply or recommend a website or book? I don’t drive and live in a very small place and I don’t think the NHS is able to help me so something online or a book would be best.

Thank you!

The Brain Over Binge books are excellent, especially the workbook. Also recommend the books by Judith Beck.

I would also consider removing all the junk from your house. I know if I have any of that stuff in I’ll eat it, but if it’s not there I’m usually too lazy to go to the shop and buy it!

Ideally I would clear them out but My husband buys crisps and coke for himself so it’s not fair to say to him not to have any just because I can’t control myself. Also I feel like junk food is all around up and so it would be better to just be able to resist it, my local shop is just 2 mins away so not difficult to visit when a craving hits, although I do feel embarrassed at times shopping there, the staff must know I sit in and eat it all myself.

Molotov, thanks those books sound great I’ll check them out!

How long have you not been working, and how long have you had a significant weight problem for, it’s unclear if this is a recent thing, Ie over the last six months and you’ve piled on weight, or if you’ve had a problem for a long time.

Secondly when your husband is home are you able to control yourself or do you go and eat in secret somewhere Ie bedroom or bathroom?

I have struggled with my weight for many years since puberty really. I have been able to get my weight down to 130lb -147lbs a couple of times when I was younger. I had to really exercise a lot and eat very little to lose weight so would only have for example a tin of soup a day and an apple. Some of the issue back then was my body type which is well built and curvy, when I was young the waif was in and I was always trying to be skinny. I think I developed some disordered eating behaviours at that time. When I was younger my eating wasn’t quite as addictive and I went a good few years in my 20s where I only had treats like coke or chocolate one day at the weekend.

I haven’t worked for a couple of years now due to chronic migraine, I tried very hard to keep my old job and find another but ai keep being let go due to constant illness and them being unable to make adjustments for me. My weight issue has got worse since being unable to work.

My eating is better when my husband is around at home we just have dinner and then a cup of tea in the evening. Sometimes I do have sneak a coke or chocolate if I have a migraine coming on but rarely.

Ok, so it’s a long term weight problem and it’s also one you can control when you choose to Ie when your husband is at home, evenings, weekends, days off. Then you can choose to cook healthy and eat healthy and not eat other crap.

So this tells you you can do it. Because if you couldn’t you’d be hiding wrappers and eating chocolate secretly in the toilet or something.

As such, you need to find a way to control it. For me keto works. If I start eating sugar I’m a goner, it does not fill me up. I can eat and eat it. However since going keto, for years now, I have no cravings at all. There is always sweets in the house and I don’t even think about them. I don’t binge on healthy food.

I’d advise gong keto, but as you can control this when you choose, you need to accept there is an element of choice in how you eat.

I have previously been on a keto diet as part of a trial to see if it helped migraines. Although I did lose weight, unfortunately my migraines became worse over a sustained period. Some people did have improvement though and they speculated that their might be some genetic variations to explain that. I don’t think the research has been published yet.

I do think I could cut down on carbs and sugar though and do old school low GI?

I appreciate what your saying about the choice involved and perhaps thats a useful way for me to frame it, that I do have a choice. I think there are times when I have little control when I’m ill and then I just need it which sets up the habit for days when I could say no, I just need to stop consuming the stuff even whenI am I’ll to break the cycle.

One aspect is that when I feel the craving and try to resist it I think through all the negative implications I.e. weight gain, waste of money, rotten teeth but thinking that way just makes me feel worse so I end up giving in to the craving just to feel better. Drinking that coke or eating that chocolate can make it feel like a Friday afternoon on a wet Tuesday Morning!

Can I ask how old you are? Have you always had migraines?

It sounds like you’re looking for sensory reward and stimulation. It’s also a secret behaviour, something only you know about. I don’t think ‘stop doing it’ is helpful advice actually, you’re relying too much on self-control which is all about denial. You need to understand why you’re compelled.

Hmmm it’s hard to unpick this.

However when you feel you have a migraine coming on and your husband is there, you can manage it without eating chocolate and drinking coke to excess. So again we are back to choice.

You also say it makes it feel like a better day when you do eat crap. Could you be a bit depressed? Bored? When you’re at home, and you don’t have a migraine, how do you spend your time?

It must be so challenging with the migraines, it’s really hard to focus on diet when you’re not feeling great and I’m sure when you have them you just want to do anything that helps - in this case the crisps and coke with your meds. I wonder whether it is the caffeine that helps the meds work more quickly, this could easily be replaced with caffeine pills or coffee/Diet Coke? Sugary drinks are really one of the worst possible thing for weight gain.

You need to be prepared in the morning. You say you suddenly get hungry with no time to cook anything: you need to prepare something healthy for when that happens.

I have oats for breakfast, prepared the night before: 35g raisins, 40g oats, 40g natural yoghurt, 80g milk and a sprinkling of cinnamon. (If you concentrate very hard it can taste a little like hot-cross buns ) Take it out of the fridge when you get up. I actually prefer my porridge cold but you could heat it in the microwave in under a minute.

Prepare your salad early, too. Do you like salad by itself or do you need cheese or egg or dressing? I've found that, while Stilton turns it into the food of the gods, pickled onion makes it just interesting enough - but I've never liked dressing anyway.

Cup of tea to start the day is always comforting. If you like coffee, you may find it helps with the migraines. Some people find it exacerbates them but others it's the opposite: I started drinking coffee at 13 which (for years I thought coincidentally) is when my migraines became much less frequent. If coke helps then coffee might too. Drink it black unsweetened and it will be better than the coke.

Fizzy water is a nice treat, once you get over expecting the sweetness - I have it with a splash of PLJ.

Are you getting enough protein? I have a second breakfast after the gym of microwave-poached egg on toast; husband has beans on toast. Perhaps you could go for a walk - somewhere with trees - after you've first eaten, then come back and have protein. Cheese on toast is nice too, or peanut butter.

@Fanthope I've had migraines since puberty, I am 41 and they have got much worse as I've got older and I am under the care of a neurologist.

I think there could be a sensory thing going on I do feel taken out of the moment, I think that perhaps prior to a migraine my blood sugar and pressure drops quickly so that the sweet coke and say a packet of salty crisps have a physiological effect by perhaps correcting that drop. I'm not sure how to prevent that happening as I often wake up with a migraine starting.

Try reading The Obesity Code. And look up OA meetings (overeater anonymous).

I'm in the obese weight level. I eat very much like you. I am also a recovering alcoholic. So I'm very aware of multiple addictions and substituting them.

The hiding the food, replacing it & eating better when you're not alone are the things that jump out to me as disordered eating.

Have you asked your GP about an eating disorder & help for that? Or just losing weight?

If you want more info, or a chat, do PM me.

@bluntness100
Sometimes I can manage without it but its not easy and the craving is still there, its only the shame that prevents me. I think I am a bit depressed at times because I'm always in pain and can't really live the sort of life I want to because I'm ill so much of the time. I just cracked there and had some coke and a packet of crisps and I can feel the change in my energy and mood immediately, I feel a lot more focused and brighter now than I did before I had it but my interest in real food i.e. the soup I was planning to have for lunch is gone.

I have a lot of migraines, up to 25 + days a month but usually between 15 and 20 days. When I am not in pain I use the time to try and do all the things I need to around the house that I let go when I was sick so cleaning, admin, shopping, repairs etc and try to get ahead so that if tomorrow is a bad day I have less to do. I do probably waste time too as I said in my op, but that is because I have very low energy, especially in the am. I am typically much brighter and have less cravings in the evenings.

@molotovmocktail, yeah i think the migraines do make it harder as I just want not to feel the pain I'm in. I have tried the painkillers with caffeine in and they don't work as well as the coke but I do get what you are saying about the sugary drinks being really bad, I know that and really want to stop. Thank you for replying and for your advice.

Yes I'd recommend OA. You'll meet many like you there. People who don't have this don't really understand it.

Find an OA meeting.

I can really relate OP, I eat like this and it's definitely disordered. Like you I can generally not do it when my husband or someone else is around. I suffer badly with migraines and other health problems so can't work either.

No advice but you aren't alone.

@merryhouse thank you for the practical advice! I think I do need to plan ahead and make it easy for myself to eat healthy things. I plan my evening meals and tend to stick to them but leave my daytime food up to whim so perhaps thats something to change.

I really don't feel like eating in the morning, I usually just want to go back to bed but perhaps I'm letting myself get too hungry and thirsty so that I need something easy right now, so I go for the junk food. I had some idea in my head that I would do the fasting diet and so was trying not to eat breakfast for a while but I don't think that will helpful if I'm dealing with disordered eating.

I don't like coffee but I do like tea and fizzy water so will try those as a substitute to coke. I am hoping that if I just make myself eat when I get up my body will adjust to it soon and then I'll be hungry when I wake up and eating earlier will cut my cravings for junk food.

I wonder is it better to eat more real food just to break the cycle of craving junk food?

@QueenofOversharing, thank you for your reply, thats pretty difficult for me to hear to be honest [Sad] I think you are probably right though. I have tried to speak to doctors in the past but In my experiance they don't want to know as long as my weight isn't causing a recognised health issue. Its also so embarressing to speak about, sometimes I think if I could see a psychologist and a dietitian it would help but I just don't think the NHS has the resources for all that and that I should sort it out myself.

I will look at the obesity code and the OA as you suggest, thanks again!

@springydaff thank you for the link and for the understanding, it helps to know some people do understand.

@dreamingofsunshine thank you, I am sorry that you also suffer with migraines and this eating pattern but it does help to know I'm not alone. I think for a long time I thought that it wasn't binging because I don't eat until full but obviously it is as you say.

@Purplestains I totally get it. I go to OA too. I didn't want to admit it. But this was me yesterday - see if you recognise anything.

I'm doing a diet (won't discuss here) and doing really well. Went to buy DS some Pringles in Tescos. I came home with 2 multi packs of crisps, a share bag of milky bar buttons, 3 small bags of milky bar buttons, a share bag of new Skittles, 2 Lindor bars & cheese Pringles - FOR ME!

I ate inhaled 2 bags of crisps straight away (they have to be strong flavoured & salty), and 2 Lindor bars.

My dinner was that, the rest of the multipack of crisps, the milky bar buttons ... and a Graze bar "to male it healthy" (words I told my son - which I'm so ashamed of).

My food addiction shows in my constant thinking about "treat foods", eating MORE than I say to myself I will, hiding them, getting anxious that my son might eat my stash, hiding wrappers from shame.

That is clearly disordered eating. I also eat "on my feelings" -
sad = treat myself
angry = treat myself
depressed = treat myself
happy = fuck it, treat myself.

PS: long time migraineur here under neurologist.

I do recognise that sort of eating, I don't typically eat until I am very full (although I have at times) but its just a regular pattern of eating certain "treat foods" secretly on an almost daily basis. My cravings are mostly during the day and when I'm in pain but yes I do also get that sense of wanting to treat myself whether I'm happy, sad, bored etc. I am worried that my partner will find out about my eating. Sometimes I fill up the coke bottles with water and food dye to make it look like the coke is still in them and put them back in the cupboard if I can't replace them immediately so that my partner won't catch me out. Its so pathetic when I type it out. Yes to hiding wrappers, anxiety and shame.

Its interesting that you also suffer from migraines that makes three of us with this eating pattern and bad migraines, I wonder if their is a link? I did read that migraine sufferers are more likely to be overweight but the connection was uncertain, I do think that I am self medicating to an extent.

Did you actually go to your GP about your eating and if so what did they say? (Please don't feel you have to answer this if its too personal). I just think they will not be interested, and instead their heart will sink that I am presenting again with yet another medical issue.

Googling l"ink between migraine and eating disorders" does bring up quite a few medical research papers so perhaps that is a factor?