Issues with food addiction?

[Purplestains]

I am posting because I think I might have certain addictive behaviours around food and I want to know how to stop. I never thought of myself as being an addict, I have never drank smoked or used drugs but I think I might be using food in a negative way.

For example, I don’t currently work due to a health problem. WhenI wake up very often I don’t really want to eat food so I leave it a while then I’m suddenly ravenous and can’t wait to cook something proper so I grab a bag of crisps or some chocolate and probably some coke also. Sometimes I’ll even have 2 or three bags of crisps and another chocolate bar then I’ll need to go out to replace (so my husband doesn’t find out) what I’ve eaten and while I’m out I’ll buy another can of coke and a chocolate bar for after I get back home. I also often buy a packet of super noodles for lunch which is not very healthy especially when I have things like salad and whole meal pittas at home which I should have instead. Often I don’t really enjoy the food I’m eating, I’ll eat a Cadbury’s chocolate bar which is all waxy and too sweet or flavourless noodles and coke just because I have them. Last week I spent £25 replacing chocolate, coke and crisps from the household cupboard to hide my daytime eating habits from my husband. That’s a lot of money to waste on crap.

I’m actually a good cook who is fussy about food and I make pretty much everything from scratch for my husbands evening meal but I eat crap during the day.

I think part of the issue is that I suffer from a lot of migraine headaches and snacks of salt crisps and a can of coke can really help me feel a lot better when I’m ill if taken along with my medication. My medication also makes me feel very drowsy and lethargic and so the coke helps pep me up a bit and gives me the energy to get a few things done. I’m craving some right now but trying to resist, I often end up thinking just one last time.

I am worried about my weight, I’m about 250lbs and although people say I don’t look that big I’m definitely fat, obese in fact. My blood tests are all in normal range but I worry about my long term health and about my teeth. I hate being fat and hide away a lot out of shame but I’m also in denial a lot of the time. I have asked my GP and neurologist for help but they both shut me down because as long as my weight isn’t causing a “related” health issue then it’s not a concern for them, I’m told that they can only help me once I have diabetes or high blood pressure for example. I know they don’t have the money in the NHS to help everyone with a weight problem.

What can I do to help myself with this issue. I am developing other bad habits or addictive tendencies I think out of being fat and ashamed like excessive internet use and basically living in a fantasy world where ai can be healthy and slim and an acceptable member of society. It’s one bad habit reinforcing the other.

If anyone has any advice please could you reply or recommend a website or book? I don’t drive and live in a very small place and I don’t think the NHS is able to help me so something online or a book would be best.

Thank you!

Oh no, ask away. I haven't asked them for any input - they do know though. But I'm in therapy, in AA (sometimes got to OA ), and have really bad mental health. The main focus when I speak to them is that.

BUT - my sugar is pre-diabetic & they said I need to watch that. Plus (& this is very much based on my diet being awful due to MH crisis) GP did bloods & it came back deficient in ferritin, vit d, b12 & folate... and some kidney stuff - GP said she's never seen results like that in anyone except someone malnourished. I was too ashamed to tell her that was prob right. I've also got a fatty liver - they though that would resolve when I stopped drinking (almost 11 yrs ago) but it didn't - obesity.

Here's where my head goes - I ended up seeing GP about 5 weeks ago as felt so unwell & pain at front of throat. She did blood tests & called me to go back in. 2 GPs examined me, they called the hospital & I was sent to A&E to see acute care consultant. My thyroid had gone hugely overactive (thyrotoxicosis) & they thought it was "thyroid storm" which is more often fatal. I sat in that hospital bed for 8 hours thinking "fucking ace, I'll lose loads of weight & eat what I want".

I haven't lost weight!!

But don't get upset - honestly - there is so much you can do to help. And don't be ashamed. Shame will keep you sick.

If you want, we can all chat here or start a thread & keep in touch about how things are going. But tbh I would speak to your GP - they might offer you a dietician (not sure how useful that would be) but you might find they have a good eating disorders team - and EDs are not just anorexics or bulimics. I have a "binge eating disorder" - it was diagnosed by my psychologist who was seeing me for other issues, but she used to work in an ED unit.

I guess, one good thing is - you posted & you obviously knew you have an issue as you used the words "food addiction", and you are identifying with some of us here. It might be that with some solid information & support that you can make changes. I go through periods of being really well with mine, it's just shit at the moment.

The book Eating Less by Gillian Riley is very good. Deals with addictive behaviour around food.

I'm glad that you are getting some help, it can be like getting blood out of a stone at times although I am very grateful for the support I have had from the NHS and I understand they have to guard their resources.

I'm sorry you're so unwell at the moment, I hope things get better for you and that you get all the support you need, your posts have been really helpful for me and I really appreciate your openess. I was worrying that other people here will read this and judge us but who cares, perhaps this will help someone else also?

I can actually relate to you being able to turn and medical emergency into a positive thinking it would help you lose weight! I was thinking something similer about the coronavirus, that if it all does go into lock down I'll not be able to binge as my husband would work from home or even better I'd get sick and not be able to eat, how insane is that!

I have an appointment with my GP on friday for another reason so perhaps will try and ask then if there is time. I don't think I quite fit into any catagory mild binge disorder, or non-specific or perhaps food addiction is closest. I have purged in the past but it causes my face to bruise badly so I can't hide that. I am also realising that their is some level of pleasure in the secret ritual of eating that signals a soothing private time which I enjoy on some level. Secrecy is important.

You sound so intelligent and insightful in your posts Queen and I think that makes it harder for people to understand they think you're smart enough to stop all this but of course its all the disordered thinking that goes along with it that makes it do difficult and I think a physically addictive element.

We could keep in touch on here if you like.

@TenCornMaidens I actually have that book, but haven't read it yet, I will go find it now! Thank you for reminding me!

that makes it harder for people to understand they think you're smart enough to stop all this

That's exactly what I think myself. It's frustrating thinking "I know better"! But that isn't the problem. Lol.

I'm really open about my sobriety & my food stuff. Same as domestic violence. I do think it can help people. If someone can recognise it in themself, maybe they will get help before it takes over.

I agree - your eating is at a much milder level & hold on to that - it's really encouraging.

The coronavirus bit made me laugh! I'm on steroids so I guess I should take more care, but I'm ignoring thinking about it. 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 I am also blaming the steroids in my head for bingeing. But then I'm worried I won't make the most of my thyroid going like the clappers to lose more weight!! 😂😂😂

Well at least you can keep a sense of humour about it all! Sometimes it is all too much and you just have to cut yourself some slack! Take care of yourself (easier said than done) and thank you again, you've really helped me!

Thank you, love. If you ever need an ear, send me a message. Don't be disheartened.

I will, thanks again :)