How do I bring this up at parents night?

[WhatIsSleepZzz]

My DD has an incredible teacher this year at school and has come on leaps and bounds. She thoroughly enjoys school and her teacher goes above and beyond to ensure all the children in the class are progressing to the best of their individual abilities. She is also brilliant at helping with some of my daughters emotional needs. She can be an anxious child at times. She is fairly smart for her age and I think she is smart enough to pick up on adult situations but not necessarily equipped to handle the emotional side of things.

The issue is, in DD’s school, they have a behaviour chart. Each day, the children begin the day on ‘ready to learn’ and their names can be moved up or down the board as follows:

Superstar
Good job
Ready to learn
Think
Time out

DD is in year 1 and the problems with this system began for her in reception. She was really upset that no matter how hard she tried, her name never got on superstar. After a lot of discussion, we decided she should ask her teacher what she could do to get on superstar. As it happened, the teacher was doing her reading with her when she asked so the teacher instantly moved her up to superstar for “brilliant reading” and I think that was possibly the only time in the whole year she got up to superstar.

Now, in her new class, it seems to be the same again. She has never been on superstar and it gets her down. I explained to her (in a child friendly way) that some children who find it harder to follow the rules need the behaviour chart the most. I told her that because she was always so well behaved, she didn’t need it so much.

I want to bring this up with her teacher at parents night but I also don’t want to come across some sort of pushy parent who wants her child to be at the top of every chart/list going! In all honesty, I don’t care about the behaviour system in the slightest. I just want DD to be happy at school and to get that pat on the back when she deserves it.

Do you think this is something I should discuss at parents evening? How can I bring this up without sounding like I’m nitpicking?

I think you could say ' I'm just wondering for a well behaved hardworking child how often could they expect to be on superstar through the year? My daughter is a bit miffed that although she works her hardest she has never reached it this year. I would just like an idea to be able to manage her expectations and so she know what to work towards. Do you have any suggestions? '

It’s a case of the good don’t get attention.
I’m not talking about kids with disabilities eg ADHD, but I hate it when “naughty” and there are such kids where it is just bad behaviour are good for 5 minutes and they get all kinds of praise stickers etc etc. However kids who never cause a problem just get over looked. It really gets up my nose. I suspect it pisses lots of parents off.
On my rights advice is good.

I don’t think it’s nit picking, I had to challenge the school over something similar and they removed the chart and found a different way of motivating the class. It’s ineffective for all the reasons your finding - not to mention pretty outdated. I’d raise it with the class teacher and the head tbh.

I think it's fine to bring up. Just say that your dc have mentioned they've never made it to Superstar, and ask if there's anything she needs to work on to gain this as it's important to her.

At the same time, I think you are doing the right thing by explaining to your dc that the teacher will mainly use the behaviour scheme for kids who struggle, so her level doesn't mean she isn't doing brilliantly.

I have a big thing against competition of this type - I think each dc should have their own individual chart of accomplishment/success especially with things like art or pe or sport. Children have different aptitudes, skills, stages of development, difficulties & interests - education should be about helping them to find those abilities & to educate them to their fullest potential as rounded confident people. That doesn't mean they should compete at all - sometimes especially when its team playing etc its a great way of social interaction & healthy but not all the time

Seems rather old fashioned. I’m sure the teacher will have no problem with you querying it as it’s not her behaviour policy.

We have things like passport stamps as well as the board it means the naughty children who need the most motivation get loads of stamps and the children who get on with things get nothing my sons bully gets a gold passport badge yearly my son hasn't made bronze in years

I think you're right to bring it up, ask year your dd can expect and mane the teacher aware that it's impacting your dd.

My DD is in reception and they have merits, every 20 they get a prize (sticker or pencil usually), the more boisterous kids seem to get loads while my quiet DD hardly gets any and is often upset about being overlooked constantly. I just don't think teachers notice when they are dealing with the poor behaviours.

Awwlookatmybabyspider you have no idea how hard it is to raise a "naughty" child. Who's always in trouble. Who just doesn't listen. Who's apparently normal.

Since he was 2 / 3 years old he was labelled "naughty" dread picking him up "today he did this" "today he did that". I actually asked nursery "do you want me to move him?"

5 years on and he's waiting ASD assessments. And their are many kids like him who are struggling along under the
radar who need all the praise they can get.

I loathe these name and shame class charts. My DS has autism and it turns out thought you were supposed to try and get put on each one during the day,
Teacher, "started the day really well on the sunshine the same as everyone else, got put on the superstar which was brilliant! But then ended up on the sad cloud because of something that happened at lunchtime...."
DS, "Yes, I haven't managed to get on the thundercloud yet so I haven't completed the chart. I don't know how to finish the chart mummy, I have tried"
Then DD, who sounds like your daughter, only got in the superstar once, when the whole class did, she works hard, tries her best all the time.....

I don’t think it’s an issue to raise it - it’s maybe working for one section of the class but it’s having the opposite effect on your dd, and once demotivation sets in it will be harder for the teachers.

You could raise it.
But it will be there the entirety of her school career.
Dd1 sussed this by the end of reception.
Move on many years. Dd2 was a nightmare at secondary school. Had internal exclusions and was suspended. At the end of the year she got a platinum award. Dd1 never got above bronze and was well behaved, polite, hard working.

Yes, definitely raise it. I think charts like this are unnecessary and only serve to make children anxious. If a particular child needs something like this because of, say, behavioural issues, that child should have a private chart for encouragement unseen by other children.

My school once gave a Lego set to a particularly difficult child for ‘being good all week’. The other children, who’d been good all term, got nothing.

Your DD sounds identical to my DS and I've been mulling over the same problem (as he sees it) His teachers are wonderful but at the last parents evening (October? November?) they said he had hit all the end of year 1 targets and I feel like he's been a bit ignored since then. They've not benchmarked him (assessed his reading level) for 6 weeks. I'm not fussed about this - we read plenty at home, but he's so goal orientated now, thanks mainly to visible school charts, and his confidence is dropping as he's not moving up. As he's consistently 'good' with behaviour in class he never moves up the behaviour chart. He did every day at the beginning of the year and he loved it, and nothing has changed as far as I am aware, other than he is now overlooked. It's great he's doing well, but that it's not acknowledged by teachers has really damaged his self-esteem and he uses horrible terms like "they think I'm a failure". I'm struggling with how to raise it with them too. I'm not pushy at all, I just want him to feel confident and happy.

Well I stupidly mentioned it this morning at drop off rather than waiting until the meeting tomorrow. I was told that sometimes my DD is a bit lazy with her writing and fidgets on the carpet. I’m sure both of these things are true but I still don’t think either of these things warrant her never achieving superstar in the whole year.

As I said, I really don’t mind at all if she never gets on there. I have told her that staying on ready to learn means that she’s behaved well and that she should be pleased with herself for that. The issue here is that she is feeling demotivated by the system.

I think the teacher maybe thinks I have the opinion my DD is perfect. I know she’s not perfect. I just feel for her that she feels as though she isn’t good enough!

I really wish I hadn’t said anything this morning 👎🏻

it's not about being perfect, it's about achieving as much as you can. Every child should want and try to be "superstar"!

EVERY child need to be praised, supported and encouraged. no one wants to put off kids from school from reception!

Otherwise the message is to mess around and be disruptive on Mondays and Tuesdays, and show excellent behaviour on Thursdays to get a reward on Fridays. What stupid message would that be?

For the good children these charts are a pain and unfair. They're really a means of encouraging the misbehaving to conform so they become 'superstars' and get rewards simply for behaving as they should. Sadly the well behaved get ignored, they do notice and feel unappreciated, could even ruin their self esteem.

Just have to keep letting her know how pleased you are with her. Perhaps a treat on Friday after school for being good.

Your DD is what 5/6 years old - she’s going to fidget and lose focus sometimes - it’s part of being a child. I honestly can’t be arsed with behaviour management that tries to train children not to be children.

My DC school don’t use any visual or comparative measurements for behaviour precisely because it demotivates and shames kids when they aren’t “good enough” and there’s no clear way to reach the top level.

Think about what you want to say to the teacher now you’ve got some time before parents night, try not to buy into the idea your child needs to be perfectly performing in every area to be doing well. Ready to learn really is how she should be presenting at school - she’s already doing what she needs to, anything else is a bonus.

The problem with these systems is that ideally, they would only matter to the kids who need some external motivation to help them sit nicely/stop talking/do something on the first time of asking, but often they matter most to those who aren't struggling with their behaviour. I don't think you've made a mistake by bringing it up - was your daughter aware that she needed to make more effort to sit still and with her writing?

Bring it up. Your daughter is still little, she deserves all the encouragement she gets. Teachers putting her name on Superstar isn’t really going to bother anyone else but will mean a lot to your girl.

Thanks everyone. DD is eager to please and getting told off would be her absolute worst nightmare. She is naturally academic, a great reader but she can be prone to a bit of fidgeting. Hands in mouth etc and can sometimes be distracted and away with the fairies. She is in no way a perfectionist with her work. When she takes her time, her hand writing can be fantastic but she is prone to rushing it. She isn’t the most determined of children.

The problem here for me is that, the teachers response to me on this issue has somehow placed the blame on DD to an extent for not getting on superstar. She has only been put on think about 4 times since starting school. Those occassions have been for things like being too slow to get changed after PE and a couple of times for chatting. Many kids are on think/ time out regularly so I really can’t see how to owness can be on her here.

I’m totally happy to continue to work on her fidgeting and her occasionally getting distracted with her and I will also continue to encourage her to take her time with her work and concentrate on doing each task to the best of her ability however, I don’t see why either of these things are reasons for her not to be able to ever get to the top of the behaviour chart. She is 6 years old and can’t be expected to be perfect 100% of the time. I’m sure none of the children in the class are.

God I hate this shit.

The same with attendance awards. I have a sick kid who’s never going to win a stupid piece of paper for being in every day.

It’s the same sort of thing. Why, why do teachers do this??

The nicely behaved children always end up feeling less than. It’s not fair.

And she’s 6!!! Jesus what does she want from her??

The Attendance Awards are even stupider IMO. Why reward someone for the luck of not getting ill or not having a medical condition? It’s discriminatory - and idiotic because all it does is encourage ill children to aren’t school and pass their illness to other children.