How do I bring this up at parents night?

[WhatIsSleepZzz]

My DD has an incredible teacher this year at school and has come on leaps and bounds. She thoroughly enjoys school and her teacher goes above and beyond to ensure all the children in the class are progressing to the best of their individual abilities. She is also brilliant at helping with some of my daughters emotional needs. She can be an anxious child at times. She is fairly smart for her age and I think she is smart enough to pick up on adult situations but not necessarily equipped to handle the emotional side of things.

The issue is, in DD’s school, they have a behaviour chart. Each day, the children begin the day on ‘ready to learn’ and their names can be moved up or down the board as follows:

Superstar
Good job
Ready to learn
Think
Time out

DD is in year 1 and the problems with this system began for her in reception. She was really upset that no matter how hard she tried, her name never got on superstar. After a lot of discussion, we decided she should ask her teacher what she could do to get on superstar. As it happened, the teacher was doing her reading with her when she asked so the teacher instantly moved her up to superstar for “brilliant reading” and I think that was possibly the only time in the whole year she got up to superstar.

Now, in her new class, it seems to be the same again. She has never been on superstar and it gets her down. I explained to her (in a child friendly way) that some children who find it harder to follow the rules need the behaviour chart the most. I told her that because she was always so well behaved, she didn’t need it so much.

I want to bring this up with her teacher at parents night but I also don’t want to come across some sort of pushy parent who wants her child to be at the top of every chart/list going! In all honesty, I don’t care about the behaviour system in the slightest. I just want DD to be happy at school and to get that pat on the back when she deserves it.

Do you think this is something I should discuss at parents evening? How can I bring this up without sounding like I’m nitpicking?

Bring it up again at parents evening op. My dds primary school has similar and it’s such an unfair system. The children who achieve well academically and are consistently well behaved are completely ignored. Last year my own dd was pushed to the floor and kicked by a boy who was presented with star of the week two days later in assembly.

You could ask what places a child at each level. The problem with some of these schemes is they're inconsistent and children pick it up.
I don't mind things like a star for 'being on time', 'reading clearly', 'doing sums' anything where the reward is clearly attributable to an action. Seeing 'John' get rewarded for not having a tantrum while other children don't gives the impression that to get the reward you need to have a tantrum and then stop.
Let the teacher know that your dd is starting to feel demotivated as she doesn't see any acknowledgment of her effort. Children are often eager to please and do well, its a bit of a kick in the teeth if that effort isn't acknowledged and rewarded, gives the message its not worth trying or even pays to misbehave.

I think teachers do this because of the change in attitudes, theory and policy to do with behaviour management - which, in many schools, is no longer called behaviour management but instead referred to as 'positive relationships policy'.

The intentions are good - instead of punishing poor behaviour, teachers are told to reward good behaviour. However, the system still doesn't change what often happens. When it is a punishment-based system, the struggling kids get told off the most, leaving little time for the rest of the class, from those who simply get on with things quietly to those who excel with far fewer struggles. When it is a reward-based system, the struggling kids get the most praise and therefore still get most of the teacher's time, because whatever the system, those children still require the most support.

Realistically, the issue is that class sizes are too large and teachers don't have enough time, energy, or resources to pay equal attention to all pupils, so the struggling kids get the most attention because, to be honest, they need it the most. More funding for learning support, who are invaluable, would help, but with budget cuts that's never going to happen.

In the shorter term - as this is, unfortunately, an endemic problem in the education system - what might help is to ask your DD's teacher what behaviours allow someone to be classified as a superstar. For instance, you were able to give examples of specific behaviours which meant she was classified as 'think about' - slow to get changed, etc. - but what makes a superstar? The targets should be very specific so your DD can see that in order to achieve superstar status, she would have to get a higher score than last time on a spelling test, for example. If the teacher can give you examples of specific things your DD can do to be a superstar, then that's a good sign. If the answers are vague, and can't be measured or aren't in some way progress-based, then that's not great.

Realistically, the issue is that class sizes are too large and teachers don't have enough time, energy, or resources to pay equal attention to all pupils, so the struggling kids get the most attention because, to be honest, they need it the most.

Fair enough. But I don’t think it necessarily requires attention. Just an acknowledgement that good behaviour is seen and appreciated.

How often do other dc get to be a superstar? And if she thought of approximate groups of kids (the very naughties, the very popular, the loud, the sometimes naughty, the very sporty, the very good at reading etc) - is there any difference in the way they get promoted or not?

Does your dd fidget every day all the time or is it just at certain times? (When she is tired, after lunch, bored etc?) - if it’s the reason the teacher is not promoting your dd to superstar then she needs to notice her not fidgeting as much as fidgeting and actively reward her for not fidgeting (and telling your dd this!) to reinforce the not fidgeting - sounds like it would help your dd as she is invested in it.

I would ask at parents evening what she can suggest to help your dd - seems that your dd isn’t aware it’s an issue and is something she struggles with so she needs to be given some proactive help. Would fidget toys help for example or doing a big wobbly wobbly shake before sitting down to get the fidget monsters out or ???

But that might at least prompt the teacher to remember to check your dd isn’t doing these things so she can be rewarded rather than just note when she is.