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Original poster

Will this lead to anorexia in DD later on?

27 replies

Moominmummy12 · 09/03/2020 21:26

DD (age 9) is tall and skinny and is at an age where she’s conscious of image.
I’d like to think we have a fairy healthy diet. Mostly home cooked food. My worry is that she’s constantly asking me for treats. I mean constantly. In her snack for school, after school, after tea.
Today she’s had cake at school, pack of mini biscuits, few mini eggs, mini roll.
But she also wanted lollipop and magnum which I didn’t give her.
I just want her to have everything in moderation but feel like I’m always saying no. Really want her to have a healthy relationship with food and not lead her to eating disorders
What do others do?

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 09/03/2020 21:32

What do you offer her instead when when she’s asking for food and you’ve said no?

She’s tall, skinny and 9. Is she simply hungry?

Eyewhisker · 09/03/2020 21:33

I feel your pain. No, I don’t think it will lead to anorexia but you just have a food-orientated child. Don’t make it a big deal, give some limited treats, and have expectations when they get them e.g. not now, we have sweets after school on Friday.

NigellaAwesome · 09/03/2020 21:33

That does seem like a lot of sugar and quite apart from weight, couldn't be good for her teeth. Could you try substituting even one or two of the snacks for carrots & hummus or similar?

I can't really comment on eating disorders, it's such a complex issue.

Eyewhisker · 09/03/2020 21:34

Agree - just ask her if she’s hungry and make sure her meals are filling and of things she will eat. Is there enough protein?

IceColdCat · 09/03/2020 21:35

What happens if you offer her an apple or something instead?

I work on the principle of buying what I consider to be a reasonable number of snack foods in the weekly shop, then when it's gone, it's gone. So the DC know that if they eat all the treats early in the week they'll have none for the last few days. My aim is to encourage self regulation rather than me always saying no.

Original poster
Moominmummy12 · 09/03/2020 21:37

Hi. Yes definitely enough protein.
She has bread sticks/cheese/fruit/toast.
But says she “needs” something sweet.
Just tired of saying no. I’ve never commented on fat/slim in relation to food and always try and say we’re trying to be healthy and fit.

OP posts:
Vintage2020 · 09/03/2020 21:37

Are you buying and keeping all those types of foods in the house?

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 09/03/2020 21:38

My tall kids were and are like this.

If they are asking for more after 1 snack, I sometimes make them a sandwich or something “proper”

Never restricted food intake, but have limited snacks a bit... they are teens now and self regulate, sometimes this means them eating an entire bag of Doritos right before dinner....then they still eat dinner Grin

She’s telling you she’s hungry, so give her more food (sandwiches or home made flapjacks are very filling, or a bowl of cereal)

Original poster
Moominmummy12 · 09/03/2020 21:38

Yes I do keep stocks of these in tye house but usually hidden away except for the freezer.

OP posts:
willowpatterns · 09/03/2020 21:40

I agree with another pp - perhaps you could mention that the sugar is not terribly good for her teeth. And give her bigger portions of food at mealtimes, including extra protein.

Thisismytimetoshine · 09/03/2020 21:40

Stop having those things on tap. She’s asking for them because she knows they’re there.

IceColdCat · 09/03/2020 21:42

I'd buy less - and stop hiding them. I think hiding them could be the thing that's making her a bit obsessive about it?

CountFosco · 09/03/2020 21:42

Make sure you have plenty of healthy snacks, full of fats and protein and complex carbs.

We have tons of bread, oatcakes (we're Scottish), bagels, cheese, hummus, eggs, smoked salmon, pate, nuts, fruit (fresh and dried) and veg (things like tomatoes and cucumber that they snack on) available for the DC to snack on. Costs a fortune. My (lower end of healthy weight) DD (12 but only just starting puberty) eats so much cheese it's scary and will have a 'snack' of a whole bagel with lashings of smoked salmon and cucumber an hour or two after eating a full meal of casserole, potatoes and veg. But she averages 2h intense exercise a day according to her fitbit and clearly self regulates so we have to go with it.

Vintage2020 · 09/03/2020 21:44

I make a rule of only buying sugary or fatty snacks on the day or day before eating, otherwise I may well have the same problem as u! My kids know if they are hungry to help themselves to fruit, glass or milk, nuts or perhaps toast. Think of habits u want the kids to get into - then they will habitually reach for those food groups in adulthood x

WineIsMyCarb · 09/03/2020 21:46

Could she be thirsty? Confusing appetite for sweets with thirst. Certainly a herbal tea/squash/normal tea/whatever will help fill her up if she's getting sufficient energy from her meals and snacks

postitnot · 09/03/2020 21:49

My daughter (12, tall and skinny) is like this. Has always wanted snacks, trouble is I'm a dentist so say no very frequently! And yes I worry it will cause issues with food. I always offer carrots/hummus/fruit/crackers so at least I know the snacks aren't just empty sugar. (And if she doesn't eat them I know she's not actually hungry just bored)
Although now she's at secondary school and home before me I don't know what she's eating!

ScrapThatThen · 09/03/2020 21:58

No. Anorexia has complex causes. Just stay in the middle ground, not always saying no. And don't over value slimness or control. Let her self limit. Eg ' two out of the pack is your share, up to you when you eat them'. Banana homebaked flapjacks or muffins can be made without sugar.

ChikiTIKI · 10/03/2020 06:00

If only sugar will do and she feels she needs it urgently, she is waiting until she has been hungry for too long. I would encourage her to eat more at main meals and have more savoury snacks like cheese on toast before she gets too hungry.

MinesAPintOfTea · 10/03/2020 06:15

Unless it's under an hour before a mealtime, more healthy snacks such as toast, cheese, fruit, crackers, cereal etc are unlimited in this house. Cakes and biscuits are only on offer at one snack time each day. Mine is also tall and skinny, so I can relax that he clearly needs the energy to run or grow.

This advice may not apply to overweight DC, but skinny ones shouldn't have actual food intake restricted. Just redirected to something healthier

I am 6 foot tall and until I had DS was underweight. Stopped growing at 13, so my "hungry years" when I did most of my growing were preteen. I remember being 11 and eating a whole loaf of bread.

Finally, she's not far off having the freedom to get to the shops herself anyway. It's important to guide her choices to something satisfying before she starts buying junk and eating it secretly

happilybemused · 10/03/2020 09:39

Had a similar situation with DS2.

Used to make him a cheese and ham sandwich when he got in from school and it all stopped.

The school meals were just not filing enough so he used to constantly want to snack.

Also agree with limiting treats in the house.

Strangely enough where my two have moved schools and get a very good lunch and can have as much of the main course they want I've never have any problems.

Riverviews · 10/03/2020 11:25

She has bread sticks/cheese/fruit/toast

Maybe all the carbs in that food, and lack of healthy fats, is making her ravenous for more carbs.

I would introduce more fats in every meal like avocado and nuts

Original poster
Moominmummy12 · 10/03/2020 12:43

Thanks all. Some good ideas to try.
Will Empty out the snack cupboard.

OP posts:
Haworthia · 10/03/2020 12:49

I understand your worry. My daughter is 8 and obsessed with sugar. She’s constantly asking for snacks and, like you, I feel like I’m constantly saying no to her.

Unfortunately for me, she has major issues with food (possible ASD) and so her diet is already sub-optimal to say the least. It’s extremely limited. Her weight is fine but I’m always worried that she’ll get overweight.

Yesterday she came home from school, had a small iced bun and then ate nine Jaffa cakes without me knowing. I’ve now hidden all the treats (purchased by my mum, not me) so helping herself won’t be an option anymore.

mambanumber5 · 10/03/2020 13:03

I just say no more snacks. And generally make some toast or get the hummus out. My children are slim and always hungry too! I think it is fine to say enough junk - it's not about being fat it's about being healthy and eating something that is going to make you strong and healthy.

caperplips · 10/03/2020 13:19

I dunno really, if she is slim and tall for her age and her weight is not a worry for you, I would make sure she is having 3 healthy meals each day and I would not make her aware you are rationing 'treats' as it could make her obsess over them even more.

I would offer her a mix of 'healthy' and sweet snacks if she asks for them. I think normalising as many foods as possible is better in the long run.

As an adult I know SO many people who have very unhealthy relationships with food due to restrictions in childhood, making the 'forbidden' foods even more attractive.

We have never restricted any foods with dd and we're lucky that it seems to have worked and she eats a fairly wide variety and is as likely now to ask for popcorn or brown bread toast, pistachios, olives, cheese or a milkshake as she is to ask for chocolate or sweets.

I also bake and she can have that - I use really good ingredients and I am happy for her to have that.