Bedroom dilemma - WWYD?

[TabithaTheTiger]

I've got a bit of a dilemma at the moment with my adult DC and bedrooms, so I'm looking to canvas opinion on what is fair.

I'm a single parent and we've been renting the house we live in for 5 years. I have 2 DC, 20 and 18. Currently, DD1 has the largest room (small double). DD2 has the box room, which is very small, 6x8 with a wardrobe over the stairwell. You can get a single bed in there, not much else.

DD1 started university last September and lives in halls. DD2 wanted to swap rooms as soon as she moved out, but not wanting her to feel pushed out, I agreed we would wait until the end of the first year to make sure she settled in. DD1 was aware of this.

She loves uni and has settled in well. However this week has called me to say she's decided she wants to move back home next year and commute. We live about half an hour from the uni, so this is perfectly feasible. She's been looking at student houses for next year and realised she will be much better off financially as home. We live in the SE so renting is expensive.

My dilemma is that DD1 has assumed she will be moving into her old room, DD2 (who is now working F/T) is outraged and thinks they should swap. I'm swaying towards agreeing with DD2, as the chances are DD1 will spend a lot of time at her bf's anyway, but DD1 does have a lot more stuff (musician).

WWYD?

DD2 gets the room. She’s working full time and presumably contributing. DD1 had her turn, and knew her sister would be moving into her room at the end of the year anyway. DD1 could have a bigger room in student accommodation if she wanted but she’s choosing to come home to save money.

I agree with my neighbour, if DD2 is working and presumably contributing to the rent then she should get priority.

Agree the DD2 should get the bigger room. It isn’t fair that DD1 gets to keep the bigger room just because she’s older. They are both adults now so it seems fair that they swap. To be honest I would have swapped as soon as DD1 went to Uni and think it was quite selfish of her not to suggest that anyway given she would have known how big her sisters room is.

DD2 gets the room.
DD1 has had her turn.

DD2 will no doubt be contributing and should be given the room.

I don't believe anyone other than the parents who own/rent the home have a right to a particular room.

Show both of your DD's real life. DD1 has moved out, her room is up. She has a space to return to which is great.

I wouldn't get into a bit hoohaa about it.
Just make it clear this is what is happening.

DD2 gets the bigger bedroom. She's had to play second fiddle all her life. What will happen if she wants to do the same - travel daily to uni?

I was Dd1 in this situation. I think that dd2 should get the room! I’m amazed that she hasn’t already.

Dd2 gets the room

DD2 gets it. You should have waited for a whole year. A term was long enough.

DD2 gets the room

DD2 gets the room. DD1 should be pleased that there is still a room for her to go back to - there wasn't for me!

DD 2 get the room, it's her turn. DD 1 is lucky that she's a room to come back to, I didn't.

DD2 should get the room now.

DD2 gets the room.

Thanks all, that's where I had got to, so it's good that others feel the same and it's fair for DD2 to have the room. She's not paying rent, but she's only on apprenticeship wages, which I see as being equivalent to studying. It doesn't feel fair for her to pay rent while at the same time I'm supporting her older sister. financially.

For what it was worth, I was DD1 and I completely understood that when I went away to uni my younger sibling should have the bigger room. Even when I came back in the summer/after graduating it was still only fair that after they had put up with the box room for so many years it was time for me to have it.

DD2 gets the room and I would have just done it the minute DD1 moved out ....

It's DD1's room. Why should she have to give it up, when she's making such a sensible decision to move home?

DD2s turn for the bigger room

Dd1 wouldn't have shut the gate but Dd2 would have moved her stuff in my house!

DD2 gets the room. As soon as I'd left for uni, my younger brother moved into my room, which was about twice the size of his! It was only fair, he'd been in the small room for 13 years.

roarfeckingroar
Now this is the reason the decision isn't straightforward for me. It's still very much 'her room'. Although she's at uni, it doesn't feel like shes moved out as she comes home pretty much every other weekend, a month at Christmas and will be home for a month at Easter and all over the summer. As you say, she's making a sensible decision financially, which will also save me quite a bit of money.

It may be a dilemma but but it's fair to change rooms.

I would be encouraging the girls to swap rooms at Easter. But make sure DD1 has somewhere quiet to study and somewhere to keep her music equipment.

So in order to save you and DD1 money, her sister continues to be crammed in the box room. I appreciate you say she isn't paying rent at the moment but it seems like she will be in a position sooner to pay rent than her sister.

If she is also going to be spending a lot of time elsewhere, I think it is only fair that her sister has the bigger bedroom. You should've swapped the rooms much sooner as this is the reason you have bought into it being 'her' room still. Had DD2 not waited the year, it wouldn't have felt like this for either of you.

This is EXACTLY the scenario we had when I lived at home - I was DD2. I got the big room when DD1 went to uni - when I moved out (aged 20) she got the big room back. Only fair!