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Original poster

Is this normal for a newborn?

44 replies

YellowSlipper · 07/03/2020 13:14

I have a 3 week old DD. These first few weeks have been enjoyable but not quite what I expected. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not doing things wrong.

So everyone says that newborns just feed and sleep. Which is kind of true, but not without a lot of work! If I put her down after a feed, even if she's looking quite sleepy, her eyes will ping wide open. I have to hold her for ages, sometimes with white noise playing, until she's in a deep enough sleep that I can put her down.

I read somewhere that you should put babies down "drowsy but awake" but I can't see how this would ever work? She would just cry?

Also people go on and and on about "getting out and about" and how important it is but I find if I am out too much visiting people etc she is really unhappy by the end of the day and gets really screamy in the evenings. We don't have this problem on quieter days. It's stressing me out a bit because people keep talking about going to baby groups but I dont understand how that would even work, I only get about 5-10 minutes of happy awake time in one stretch before she needs to sleep again.

I guess I'm just finding the reality doesn't quite match up to what people say?! And I'm not unhappy, I'm actually really enjoying being at home with DD but I cant help but feel others must be looking at me like I'm doing it all wrong!

OP posts:
Selfsettling3 · 07/03/2020 13:16

Sounds normal to me!

mrsdede · 07/03/2020 13:17

Your happy, your baby is happy. It's working for you. I don't think there is a norm really. Those people who have super sleepy newborns will have a bigger shock then you will, when they start being more alert and on form 🤣
And for what it's worth i don't think anyone will think your doing it 'wrong'.

Cookit · 07/03/2020 13:18

Yes I was never able to “put them down”. They slept great on my chest or in a sling which I was happy with.

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MrsJemimaDuck · 07/03/2020 13:18

Very normal. Congratulations on your new baby.

mrsdede · 07/03/2020 13:18

Oh wait I've just seen she can be a little grumpy in the evenings. Could she have a touch of colic?

Goldencurtain · 07/03/2020 13:18

Baby groups are utterly pointless at three weeks, save it until when they're a bit older - at least eight weeks - unless you feel the social interaction will help you

FenellaMaxwell · 07/03/2020 13:19

At 3 weeks nobody is able to put their baby down ‘drowsy but awake’! At this point they basically sleep on you while you watch tv.

5zeds · 07/03/2020 13:19

Stay home, cuddles her to sleep, be happy. I did it with all five of mine and we just naturally started going out/sleeping etc. Peoples advice on caring for your own baby is a bit like people advice on your sex life....unlikely to be helpful.

Hercwasonaroll · 07/03/2020 13:19

Totally normal. The whole put them down sleepy but awake only works if you have a baby that will sleep. Mine never did until about 6 months when I sleep trained.

Original poster
YellowSlipper · 07/03/2020 13:20

@mrsdede she is only grumpy in the evenings if we have been out and about and she hasn't slept much. If we have a quieter day she is fine.

OP posts:
FenellaMaxwell · 07/03/2020 13:20

Oh and nobody goes to groups at 3 weeks! Give it another 6 weeks or so.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 07/03/2020 13:21

Couple of things that i learnt during this phase...

  1. Drowsy but awake is a lie and a curse. Like 1/100 newborns can manage that. Just do what works for you.
  1. Until they're about 6 months old, the baby groups are much more for you than they are for her. If you feel OK without the mummy contact, sack them off and do what works for you
  1. A soft sling is a godsend, just pop her in it and stride about a bit til she nods off
  1. This part is the hardest bit, get as much help as you can and trust your gut.

Congratulations mama, you got this.

Selfsettling3 · 07/03/2020 13:22

I have two children and this is my experience too.

When people talk about getting out and about they mean trying to do one thing a day, one short visit, a short trip to a supermarket, a walk or a cafe visit. If you don’t get out everyday don’t worry. Baby groups at this age are for your benefit. If you want to go to one then look for baby massage or even better and baby social group which normally has the format of babies doing whatever - feeding/sleeping or playing with the toys scattered around the room while Mums chat and there maybe a 10 min song time at the end.

My nearly 4 year old is just figuring out how to go to sleep by herself. It’s only a recent thing in the Western world to expect babies and young children to go to sleep by themselves. It’s a cliche because it’s true, a sling is a great investment.

UhKevin · 07/03/2020 13:23

People do go to groups at that age but it’s purely for you getting out, not for the baby! If you don’t feel you need to, you don’t need to. Just watch generally you don’t become isolated; most need some people around going through the same things. All sounds totally normal; congrats on your new arrival.

Lawlor1994 · 07/03/2020 13:24

Oh my god I can totally relate! It's totally normal! I currently have an 8 week old that will only nap on me or in the pram/sling. She will go down at night time but is very clingy in the day and I absolutely have to put her down when she's asleep and has been asleep on me for about half an hour!

We only went to our first baby class this week and she slept the whole way through except the last 10mins! I also found getting out and about stressful and I often felt like I was doing it because I felt I should not because I wanted to! It does get better but the reality is very different to what you are told I think people look back through their rose tinted glasses! Take it easy on yourself I was so convinced I was doing everything wrong in only starting to feel like I have a bit of a clue now 😂.

popgoesperfection · 07/03/2020 13:25

Don't listen to anyone who says put them down awake but sleepy, especially at 3 weeks, let bubba nap on you while you enjoy watching some tv (as I am currently doing with my almost 14 week old fast on on my lap) it goes too fast for you to stress about that sort of thing, ignore others and enjoy cuddling your lo. Also, baby groups are great, of you feel you would like or need to go, go, otherwise wait until lo is a bit older and enjoy some quiet days at home, there is nothing wrong with that. It is good to get out and about, but not every single day, or if you do want to go out daily, just a 15 minute walk around the block can be good enough for both of you Smile hth

ThePolishWombat · 07/03/2020 13:26

100% normal Smile

I’m on baby number 3, and am totally convinced that the whole “drowsy but awake” thing is bollocks made up by the authors of parenting books Hmm

All 3 of mine have had all their daytime naps in a sling until around a year old Smile DC3 is 5 months old and happily snoozing away in there right now while I crack on with folding Laundry Mountain

Hohofortherobbers · 07/03/2020 13:26

Totally normal, out and about is good for you mainly, but visiting people is stressful, I would walk round the local park with dd in a sling 3 tines a day at this point just to guarantee her some naps and me some fresh air. I didn't want company, just to get out of the house. You may find the evenings are better if she's napped on a walk. A late afternoon nap between 4-5 really worked for us.

Muddytoes1 · 07/03/2020 13:27

Congratulations on your new baby! Sounds totally normal. Babies loves to be cuddled and carried and it’s amazing you can put your baby down at all. Mine would never go down when they were little even if completely asleep so sounds like you are doing amazingly! I had to carry them the whole night and bed-share too. The whole getting out and about thing is totally up to you. Perhaps a short walk might be better for you than full days out? Your baby is only 3 weeks old so won’t get anything out of being at a baby group so I think that’s more for you to make friends if you want to. I think the advice is there to try and make sure people don’t end up spending weeks on end stuck at home and becoming really isolated and lonely. Just do whatever works best for you and your baby. One thing though, do you have a sling/ carrier as mine would sleep for aaages in these.

Hugtheduggee · 07/03/2020 13:28

Getting out and about is more for your benefit than theirs at this stage. If you pop her in a sling then you can go about life whilst she sleeps, and won't be stuck on the sofa. I liked going out and about a lot with my newborn, but some people prefer to sit and watch a lot of TV. Do whatever you want really, this is YOUR time, when you do the activities you want, rather than getting dragged to the park or softplay.

Chipsahoy · 07/03/2020 13:29

Pfft, I still wait until my almost 2yr old is asleep before I put him down. It works for us and I'm on number three and my older DC settle themselves fine now.
Groups are for you at this age, if you'd rather be home, stay home. Fresh air on a bad day with baby in pram is a good idea though.
Congrats sounds like you have a very normal newborn. FlowersCakeBrew

CandiceSucksCandy · 07/03/2020 13:30

Drowsy but awake is cruel bullshit. I didn't manage that for two years, two years of thinking I was doing something wrong. I wasn't!
The out and about thing is bollocks too. I would feed dd, do bum change, dress dd and think 'right, off we go!' And then dd would need another feed, and then a bum change, and then look as though she needed a nap, and then scream for an hour, and then need another feed. I'd try to go out at 9am, often didn't make it out until at least 3.
Just wing it.
And stay winging it.

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 13:33

You're not doing anything wrong. Go with your instincts. Your baby sounds absolutely fine for a three week old, far too young to be put to bed while still awake and needs to be physically close to you.

boringadvice · 07/03/2020 13:34

The whole not being able to put them down is completely normal! With DC1 and 2, they were having a witching hour. I actually think they were overstimulated and over tired at the end of the day. I'v tried to avoid this happening with DC3 and so far no witching hour. Obviously we are out and about quite a lot but when we're home I try to have quiet feeding time in the bedroom.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/03/2020 13:37

My take is that some of the people doling out advice to you are remembering more like 3 months than 3 weeks!

Now it's getting a bit more springlike, you may be able to 'get out and about' in the sense of taking your baby out for some fresh air and sunshine, in a sling/carrier. Walking at whatever pace you like, talking (and if you want singing) to your baby, that sort of thing can be lovely.

But really, do whatever suits you and her. There is no Right Way, no instruction manual!

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