Is this normal for a newborn?

[YellowSlipper]

I have a 3 week old DD. These first few weeks have been enjoyable but not quite what I expected. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that I'm not doing things wrong.

So everyone says that newborns just feed and sleep. Which is kind of true, but not without a lot of work! If I put her down after a feed, even if she's looking quite sleepy, her eyes will ping wide open. I have to hold her for ages, sometimes with white noise playing, until she's in a deep enough sleep that I can put her down.

I read somewhere that you should put babies down "drowsy but awake" but I can't see how this would ever work? She would just cry?

Also people go on and and on about "getting out and about" and how important it is but I find if I am out too much visiting people etc she is really unhappy by the end of the day and gets really screamy in the evenings. We don't have this problem on quieter days. It's stressing me out a bit because people keep talking about going to baby groups but I dont understand how that would even work, I only get about 5-10 minutes of happy awake time in one stretch before she needs to sleep again.

I guess I'm just finding the reality doesn't quite match up to what people say?! And I'm not unhappy, I'm actually really enjoying being at home with DD but I cant help but feel others must be looking at me like I'm doing it all wrong!

I had one of these. A sling saved me during the day, but nights were hard for years for a while.

Sounds normal to me; I think the getting out and about is more about mums wellbeing at that age, I find it better if I’ve been out but if it doesn’t bother you then enjoy the time at home.
Also the putting down sleepy has never worked for either of mine; they have to be fully asleep and very gently transferred. There’s plenty of time for them to learn to fall asleep by themselves in the future and trying to do that caused me a lot of stress for my first DC which just wasn’t necessary at newborn stage

@ErrolTheDragon oh yes I agree it’s so weather dependent.. getting out with mine from the start was lovely but that’s because it was summer and everything seemed so much easier in the sun and I felt so much better.
If I’d had a baby in February I would be hibernating.

Thanks everyone. I feel reassured!

At the moment I don't feel isolated at all, I'm actually really enjoying it. I do usually get out to the high street or something most days. My best friend pops round sometimes and I have my DH to chat to so I'm ok for now!

I'm in a couple of WhatsApp groups for mums with new babies and some people have started going to baby groups which always makes me feel a bit inadequate. I do want to go to baby groups eventually it's just so hard to see how it would work right now and I cant see how either of us would enjoy it.

It's the "newborns just feed and sleep" but I can't get my head around, even the HV said this last week. So many people have said it to me and it seems a bit misleading, it makes it sound so easy

I do have a sling which I have used a few times, it is very helpful when I know she's gone too long since the last nap and need to get her to sleep!

Totally normal. Mine was exactly the same,as was every other friends baby. They like to be held and cuddled and be as close to you as possible all the time. I barely moved from the bed or couch most days early on, which can get frustrating! It was only after 3 months that I could put he down without her crying.
She also became distressed after being around too many people or out for too long. Days at home are much calmer, or with just us and her dad. I like to socialise her but i know she can only take so much.

All sounds very normal OP, like you say lots of sleeping and feeding but an awful lot of work goes I to that!!
With my second I felt a lot more confident to say NO to meeting up with people and having visitors, you and your baby come first. It's still very very early days, you'll soon work out what works for you and what doesn't.

What I learnt with DD was, in all honesty, half the stuff you read is utter shite and performance parenting.

Do what works for you and what you're comfortable with. It's much better you taking it slow and having a happy mum and baby than trying to do what others say you should, and you be stressed and baby be upset at the end of the day.

As long as you don't end up holed up in your house for days/weeks at a time and develop anxiety about leaving, take it at your own pace. Challenges are good but there's also no need to push too much.

Also remember that some mums literally do lie on social media. They exaggerate what they've done and paint a very different picture to the reality. Follow your instincts and it'll be all ok

Mine is 6 months next week and not been able to put her down yet. All you need to do is feed and cuddle for now.

Getting out is good for your sanity, not for the baby. It doesn’t matter if they are awake/asleep/crying etc. But if you don’t want to, don’t! I didn’t do much until 8 weeks. Instead of groups just walk instead.

Enjoy the doing very little and newborn cuddles, it’s lovely. Ignore the books etc, trust your instincts

Totally normal! And it will change. 3 weeks is still so little.
I would really recommend a sling or carrier, maybe google to see if there is a sling library in your area so you can get advice and try different ones out as there’s lots of choice. Wearing the baby in a sling calms a screaming baby, helps baby sleep and frees your hands up to do things. Babies don’t like being put down, they have been in your tummy listening to your heartbeat for 9 months so crave that closeness again.
You’ll be fine. X

Sounds normal. My dd cried constantly with wind and was only happy sometimes when she was in a sling on my chest. She didn't like being in the pram or any sort of chair so it was pretty full on. Just do whatever you feel like doing moment by moment

Sounds very normal. It’s way to early to worry about baby groups or anything like. Just get out if you need to and at this age sometimes you can do things like go for a coffee with a friend or a nice walk around a garden so embrace that for as long as you can before you venture into the world if groups

I've also got a 3 week old and I am in exactly the same position! My son (DC2) wants to have my nipple in his mouth the whole time or be held (preferably by me) all day. I love it but realistically it's just not always feasible. I want to be able to wash my hair or make myself something than takes longer than 2min to prepare!
I am able to get him to fall asleep on mention put him down. It works about 50% of the time. Otherwise he will sleep when out walking in the pram or in the car.
Weirdly he is fine with being on his own at night! Happy to feed then go back into his side crib. Maybe he knows I'm next to him. It's just during the day he doesn't want to be on his own!
It's very tough at this early stage but I know from DD1 it goes so fast.

Just feed and sleep = in your arms 24/7, at least that's how I always mean it when I say it. It's lovely!! I love that age. I know some people find it a bit overwhelming not being able to put them down but I never minded at all, I loved it.

I never bothered about the drowsy but awake thing, but I am pretty happy to co-sleep with mine until they don't need it any more. Even if you do follow those "sleep guide" things though a lot of them reckon up to 3 months is total go with the flow time, and it's best to concentrate on the drowsy but awake thing from about 3-4 months.

For me, the ability to put them down starts about 5ish months.

I love it but realistically it's just not always feasible. I want to be able to wash my hair or make myself something than takes longer than 2min to prepare!

This is what those wonderful swing chairs were designed for!

Yeh the whole feeding and sleeping thing definitely = on you all day. They are 1 and 4 now though and still want to be on me all the time 😂

My take is that some of the people doling out advice to you are remembering more like 3 months than 3 weeks!

Totally agree - it all blurs into one once you're past that stage yourself and so people often give advice that just doesn't quite fit where you are because a few weeks' difference is nothing in the memory but a lot as you live it!

I did get out a lot from day one, including to groups and a) in my case it wasn't really a sign I was doing amazingly, it was actually that I was finding the change from being at work to being at home with the baby all day hard and claustrophobic! b) other people made it clear that they thought it was unusual and a bit odd to go to groups with such a tiny baby and I was always the only one, so I really don't think it's standard to be going with a three week old.

You sound like you’re having a completely normal experience to me. Dd screamed at me for the first few weeks if I tried to take her out and about in the pram. Was a bloody angel for anyone else - I think she was outraged to be near me but not in my arms... it’s just too much for some babies and they just want to be cocooned (forth trimester is worth reading up on if you haven’t come across it already).

I also found that whilst dd was still having naps the saying ‘sleep begets sleep’ was very true. If her naps were messed about with (luckily she napped well in a pram) she was a nightmare at night. Made the stages when she was dropping them tense

Thank you everyone! I feel reassured now that I'm not doing this all wrong