How did you spend your 20s?

[confused20s]

Just that really. I sometimes feel like I'm doing it wrong. After my degree, I worked for a year in London but then decided to teach abroad and do some travelling (both solo and with friends). I've seen some of Asia and lots of Europe. Amazing time. Been offered a job abroad in a completely unrelated field and parents are giving me an awful lot of stick saying I should be thinking about settling down now and getting a deposit to buy a home etc.. I'll be 26 in a few months. I havent got a pension and only have about 6k in savings. I dont have any Uni debt. They are making me feel this new job might be a step back but on the other hand there is so much of the world I still want to see. I plan on coming home eventually and doing a Master's but will probably not start my "real career" until maybe 29/30- depending on when the Master's finishes. I fear that if I dont do these things now I will regret it when/if I ever get married and have kids. Even some of my friends from my Uni are getting engaged and having babies now and it stresses me out lol. So..... any advice? How did you spend your twenties/ wish you spent them?

First half travelling, partying, working. Mid bought first house. Late 20's I got a great job, did more partying and started going on luxury long haul trips.

Spent my 20s working at home, saving up and then travelling and working abroad. Met my now husband while working in Hong Kong at 27. We came home when I was 29 and then we both lived in London for the first time. All the children etc happened in my 30s. I’m so glad I had that decade of being daft, drunk, seeing the world etc. I now have a very tame life, lots of children (!), I absolutely love my life but I think that’s partly because I did so much in my 20s so it doesn’t bother me if I have a relatively quiet life now! I am encouraging my children to travel!
What would your masters be in?

20s were torture. JOb in the City that I hated, feeling inadequate cos I'd no degree, locked in to the job, feeling like a relationship was the answer but I had a whole load of attachment style problems so I was single for a decade til an abusive man took me over at 29.

I wish I'd had a bit of therapy, left the city job, read books about self-esteem and finding your path. Got braces! Realised that there is still time to build foundations in your 20s!

@ThePolishWombat stop now! (with the kids I mean) don't do that crazy thing of having another child at 38 or 39 because you haven't had time to think of all the things you want to do in your forties and fifties.
You will be so lucky if you have young adult children and freedom in your 40s and 50s. I am 49 but my children are still quite young at 13 and 16 and I am SO ready to enjoy life and freedom and I've no shortage of plans and enthusiasms and ideas, but the reality is (as a single parent) I still have a lot of responsibility.

So the having kids young thing is good so long as you don't rob yourself of that freedom at both ends of the candle, ykwim.

I spent my 20s being abused and just trying to survive. Don't really have a happy ending to that because when I finally did escape him I received a life limiting diagnosis.

There's a place for future planning but don't spend your whole present living for some hypothetical time in the future. The universe is a bit of a bastard.

20- had a 1yr old
23 - graduated/married and pregnant with dc2
24- two children and a mortgage

Thought I had it all... was destined for big things. Then found out dc2 had SEN and severe medical issues and my life changed. My dreams of higher things work wise came to a halt.

28 - divorce

I wish I'd spent them at university, travelling, working abroad, getting a decent career and then coming back, meeting somebody nice and settling down, buying a house and having a life.

What I actually spent them doing was scraping by from one day to the next, being trapped by an abusive and manipulative partner who just wanted a breeding machine with no ideas above her station and free ride to do whatever their heart desired (which naturally involved having somebody else - me - picking up the tab and all the responsibility). And as a result, I have never done any of those things and can't afford to now, despite having a lovely DP who wouldn't dream of stopping me. Oh, and I'm disabled.

Just go for it. Travel, enjoy - live.

@TheYearOfTheDog During the sleepless night, I picture myself on DC1’s 18th birthday....I’ll be the ripe old age of 38!! I’m hoping by then I’ll be back into the swing of a proper career, be able to go on holidays etc.
We are toying with the idea of DH getting a vasectomy in the not to distant future....

@ThePolishWombat, book in that vasectomy. !

I had a few goes at getting back in to the workplace in a secure flexible job. Employers can be very blinkered and ageist. I got there in the end but wow it was tough, I had so many rejections.

These are just observations really but I feel it's a hormonal reaction to feel the urge to put the intense white water rafting motherhood of really small children behind you at about 45. At around about 46 or 47 I really felt quite DONE with young kids. Even though my own were about 11 and 14 then, so, still plenty of mothering left to do! It's more emotional support and encouragement now I guess.

But something in my head has shifted massively since that age. I've read other posters describe this too. I'm not bailing on my kids!, but I'm so so so glad that I didn't have them even later than I did.

I'm ready to be me again, get more in to art, have a tidier house, ideally I"d like to live in a smaller (tidier) house nearer work and walk everywhere but I can't do that (yet)

I have moved in to that ''third phase of life'' mentally, quite excited for all the wisdom I want to gain still, the things i want to create and the life I want to construct to suit me - I really feel it is a little linked to hormones.
I know I feel strongly about this, but sure I'll go on anyway, if I'd had a child at about 42 I wouldn't have got a lie in this morning at 49 and I'd feel like my whole life had been drudgery.

Which I think you accept more easily when you're young and your kids are young but at some point, hormonal-ly, you think, No, Me! and ideas start flooding in to your head, all the creativity and plans that got waylaid earlier, the pram in the hall is trashed!

we weren't meant to ''have a pram in the hall'' our entire adult life and then be an old woman and die.

Mine were wasted really. Stuck living at home with my Mum because I couldn’t afford to move out, stuck in a relationship with a commitment phobic. I regret not leaving to live in various different flatshares and have more boyfriends. The only good thing I did was travelling. I left school at 16 with crap GCSEs and worked my way from retail to Graphic Design, which I am proud of. No debts but also no savings or pension. I didn’t meet my DH and have children until my 30’s and now life is much better, despite caring for both my divorced parents at different times. I wish I had travelled more.

Go. You will never regret it.

I went to teach in Greece at 23 for a year. Then spent 2 years in Japan. Came back to teach here for a bit, thought I was settling down then thought sod it and went off to the Middle East for a couple more years. You will never get that time back.

I'm really surprised at the numbers who were married, bought house and had kids in their 20s! Ignore your parents OP, you don't need to be "settling down" at 26. My 20s were a mix of work in okay jobs, post-uni relationships and not much else. Bought a flat on shared ownership at 27, but I worried for ages I was missing out in the chance to travel and "settling" way too early - I'm more of a homebody though so I made the right choice for me. Met my now DH at 27 too, got married at 32, now pregnant at 33. Out of a group of 10 friends from school, five are married and I'll be the third to have a kid - all the others are single and happy at 33/34. You have so much time - enjoy your life!

This thread is very depressing.
(Lighthearted)
So many high achievers! Well done to them but most people havent achieved most life goals by 30, so best not to set yourself up to failure/ unrealistic expectations.

My 20s were uni, graduated with no job and no prospect of one. Homelessness. Volunteering then a series of temp jobs. Started postgrad but dropped out. Career mistakes. 2 dcs. PND and severe health issues. Redundancy. A few house moves but I did get on the property ladder.

All the health/ unemployment issues meant few holidays and lots of stress. Started 30s having to build everything up again from scratch- uni/career/baby.

Life is complicated and it’s luck whether it all works out ok!

@Verily1 not me, I didn't go to university, had a baby at 22, didn't work for 4 years, became a single mum at 23, spent some time on benefits, now at the age of 29 I'm in a rented flat and only earning £8.75 an hour. I think I'll achieve more in my 30s! I have just managed to finally a little house.

I started a career in my 20s then got married, had a baby and moved to SE Asia with DH and dc where I lived for three years.

Came home, took part time work. Now dc are older, my career is back on track. I don't regret those years away but I think any longer would have had an impact on DH's career so glad we came back when we did. Now looking at 40 and hoping the mortgage will be gone in less than 10 years!

@TheYearOfTheDog I had pretty much the exact conversation with a friend the other day.
Thinking back to my army days, I knew very clearly who “Wombat The Soldier” was. I had hobbies and interests outside of work and could so easily “switch off” from work mode.
But now I’m nearly 5 years into being a mum, and if a random person came up to me and said “Who is PolishWombat?”, the first and only thing that pops into my head is “The DC’s Mum” It’s almost as if I’ve given so much of myself to the three of them, there’s nothing left just for me anymore. I know I’ll gain little bits of myself back over time, but the realisation that actually I don’t really know who I am outside of motherhood, hit me like an enormous, double decker bus

In response to the question asked, drunk and having sex, mainly.

Had an absolute riot. Worked very hard (bought own flat at 25) and played very hard. Fantastic holidays, hardly ever home, gorgeous wardrobe (shallow but fuck it). Met DH at 28, married at 30 and was all set up for the next 20 years. Going good so far fingers crossed and garlic waving.

Could you kill two birds with the same stone? I did a masters and got a (good) job abroad, saving money etc while having a blast. Both are mutually exclusive

I spent my time abroad feeling like I was waiting for my real life to begin. Now I wish it hadn't begun so soon! Enjoy your life; it's (probably) the only one you'll have

I left school at 15 and partied and travelled alot along side working.

20-23 was settled down in a relationship. Which then ended. So I went to uni to compete a degree and moved to london.

Even more partying, travelling, dating and internships as well as working.

Graduated at 27 and worked my dream job for 2 years before decided it wasnt for me anymore. Left london and moved up north at 29.

Had my dd a few weeks before my 30th.

I have had the best life, dont regret any of it. You can never travel too much is my motto. You have a life time to be in the system and a cog on the wheel. Make most of it whilst you still can.