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Original poster

How did you spend your 20s?

71 replies

confused20s · 06/03/2020 20:17

Just that really. I sometimes feel like I'm doing it wrong. After my degree, I worked for a year in London but then decided to teach abroad and do some travelling (both solo and with friends). I've seen some of Asia and lots of Europe. Amazing time. Been offered a job abroad in a completely unrelated field and parents are giving me an awful lot of stick saying I should be thinking about settling down now and getting a deposit to buy a home etc.. I'll be 26 in a few months. I havent got a pension and only have about 6k in savings. I dont have any Uni debt. They are making me feel this new job might be a step back but on the other hand there is so much of the world I still want to see. I plan on coming home eventually and doing a Master's but will probably not start my "real career" until maybe 29/30- depending on when the Master's finishes. I fear that if I dont do these things now I will regret it when/if I ever get married and have kids. Even some of my friends from my Uni are getting engaged and having babies now and it stresses me out lol. So..... any advice? How did you spend your twenties/ wish you spent them?

OP posts:

Waxonwaxoff0 · 06/03/2020 21:09

Being a mum. I had DS at 22.

I'm turning 30 this year and I've really enjoyed my 20s but I think my 30s will be even better.

I am glad that I was a young mum but if you want to travel go for it while you have no commitments, the world is your oyster!

BikeRunSki · 06/03/2020 21:16

I spent my 20s mostly studying. I went to university to start my BSc studies at the end of 1989, and graduated from my PhD in April 2000. I did a bit of travelling, and had an assortment of jobs, and met DH in this time (and one or 2 other bfs who didn’t quite make the grade ), but mostly, my 20s were about studying. Got married when I was 29.

Isadora2007 · 06/03/2020 21:19

Being a mum. Of two by age 22. Then studied, life-changing illness, divorce and marriage. Fun twenties- May have outed myself to people who know me! 😬🙈

Titsywoo · 06/03/2020 21:24

20-21 Working and saving
22-23 Travelling for a year
24-25 Met DH and spent a lot of time with him!
25 - DC1 born
28 - DC2 born
So most of my twenties was looking after children (I worked one day a week until they were at school)

My 30's and DH's 30's were spent building careers, paying off debts, buying first house and renovating it. Now in our early 40's we are comfortable financially and doing well in our jobs. Your 20's can just be for exploring and having fun. Don't worry so much :)

Original poster

confused20s · 06/03/2020 21:32

Really enjoying reading all of these. Thanks for all the advice so far everyone

OP posts:

TheSandman · 06/03/2020 21:36

I think I was drunk or stoned for most of my 20s. Had a lot of meaningless sex with total strangers - and luckily didn't get any serious STDs. I did manage to buy a house outright at some point for very little money ( ie no mortgage). This was towards the latter half of the last century. I was stupid and lucky in equal amounts. I'd never get away with that sort of behaviour these days. I don't think anyone would without stupidly rich and indulgent parents - which I didn't have.

I'm now 60 and still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

WouldShouldCould · 06/03/2020 21:38

I wish I had done what you are doing, you will always have it, I spent my 20's knee deep in nappies, it was my choice but I reasoned that I could do it the other way round.
However it's only before children and aging parents that you are truly free to put yourself first. You are still so young, I can tell from your post you are not ready to conform to your parents expectations.

Vinorosso74 · 06/03/2020 21:42

I say go for it! You have no commitments, no debt and some savings. Now is the time to do it. There's plenty of time for the serious grown up stuff.
My 20s I finished my degree, spent a year back at home, moved to London aged 22. Had temp jobs, did a part time post grad course, lots of going out, short term flings. Got together with DP at 27 and we did lots of trips abroad and still fun with friends. I do miss those days.....

hawaiianturtle · 06/03/2020 21:59

Do it! I spent my 20's pregnant and knee deep in nappies and no sleep! 3 kids later now age 31 and I'm just getting myself back a bit. I'm still not able to do all the things I'd love to do because I have responsibilities. My sister did the opposite, she travelled and had fun in her 20's sorting her career by late 20's and bought her first place at age 31. She's now pregnant with her first at 33 and has a great career and is on the property ladder. Life is for living and it flashes by so enjoy it as much as you can.

FAQs · 06/03/2020 22:07

Moved to London and bought a flat when I was 21. Was really broke for two years with only one sofa bed as my only piece of furniture that whole time, worked to pay the bills, started the career I wanted at 24, got engaged 3 times in my 20s had fun lots of fun, travel and then had my daughter at 29 never did get actually married

Original poster

confused20s · 06/03/2020 22:12

Crazy to think it was so easy to buy a flat in London at 21 @FAQs ! Times have definitely changed. Your 20s sounded like a lot of fun.

OP posts:

Antipodeancousin · 06/03/2020 22:49

I spent my early and mid twenties studying and wasted 19-23 doing a course I was unsuited to and did not finish. I successfully went back to uni aged 25-27 but I wish I had studied something more suitable early on so I had my mid twenties to travel like you.
I always knew I wanted to settle down and have children so my late twenties were spent buying and renovating a house etc but if I hadn’t met someone to do it with I think I would have been happy too.

ellanwood · 06/03/2020 22:53

Sounds like you are doing everything right, OP. My DC are soon off to uni and if they spent their 20s doing similar, I'd be so proud of them - way more than if they got a safe job for the sake of the salary. There's decades of that ahead. Live adventurously while you can.

ellanwood · 06/03/2020 22:56

Sorry - forgot to answer the question. I spent my twenties travelling around the world, performing. I was penniless for most of it, but visited some amazing places and had wonderful experiences. When I wasn't on tour, I had flatshares in London and went clubbing and to loads of shows, funded through casual work in restaurants and office temping. I loved it all.

Nelly325 · 06/03/2020 22:56

20-21, at uni, got together with my now husband
21-26 establishing myself in my career, saving money!
26 - bought house got engaged
27 got pregnant
28-had first baby, got married, got pregnant
29- will have 2nd child in a few months!
Never felt inclination to travel round the world etc, was and am so content with the stability and happiness life with my now husband and child has brought me. Everyone's so different and you should follow your heart's desire!

hettie · 06/03/2020 23:01

I worked and lived in London but in a job that had loads of travel, made money, bought a flat took 18 months out (to travel around the world/live overseas even more). Went out a lot partied a lot....ummme ohh did a MSc straight from uni too

Notonmyshift · 06/03/2020 23:16

I bought a house and had dd1 at 19
Worked hard while dp was studying and had dd2 at 23.
Me and the kids traveled every summer for 6 weeks and had little adventures.

My forties are now for me and dp.
The girls are adults and are amazing.
I am now travelling a lot and enjoying my spare time and extra income

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 06/03/2020 23:16

I spent my 20s as a married mother and stepmother (had DS a few weeks after my 21st and got married a year later). I've always been a homebody so didn't feel I was missing out on anything. My career took off at the end of my 20s and I started my masters in my late 30s. Now I'm 41 with an adult son, widowed, and feel like I'm starting life again, it's really unsettling.

SpaceCadet4000 · 06/03/2020 23:21

Finished off my degree at a London uni and decided to stay. Took a meh job for a year to save for my masters degree. Met DH. Did masters degree. Got a training contract in my chosen career then moved jobs to the sector I wanted to work in. Married DH and then moved to the USA. Got some cats and bought a house, and now I'm about to turn 30!

I didn't really party as it's not my thing, but we've done plenty of travelling- both for work and fun.

sazzle27 · 07/03/2020 06:18

I'm 27, just bought a house, in what I thought would be a career but having second thoughts about.. didn't go to uni, and have a DP and involved with his kids.

I had a plan in my previous job to go travelling...
I wish i had taken the plunge, sold my car and just gone.

For the life of me I can't see where I will get the same opportunities now for travelling and I really regret it

thistimeisshort · 07/03/2020 08:03

My late teens and twenties were amazing. I travelled and worked in between to fund the trips from 18-20. I went to uni at 21 and travelled during the summer breaks.

I left uni at 24 and met my now dh and decided I needed to start some kind of career path so I completed a post graduate course a year later and have had a career since I was 27. We have had lots of amazing holidays but only a maximum of 2-3 weeks at a time since then.

I think I spent my twenties perfectly and don't regret anything however I think if I'd carried on travelling and not settled down here I may have done. I had my kids in my early 30s and wouldn't have wanted them much later. It depends on how much you want a family and a life here. No one else can tell you. Maybe it's not for you. Maybe you will always regret not travelling when you have the chance.

My cousin worked abroad until she was 35 and really regretted it. She moved home, met someone and settled for him as by that point she was so keen to start a family and didn't want kids past 40. It's too early to tell if it will work out long term but they were married within a year and she had cold feet up until the wedding but went through with it. They are struggling to buy a property. If she'd come back at 30 I think she would have been far happier.

My sister is 26 and has done a fair amount of travelling but now has a good job here. She has decided to save to buy a property here and then go live abroad for a while so that she has something to come back to. She doesn't want to have a family for a long while but doesn't want to come back to nothing as she has in the past. Could this be an option for you?

Your twenties are for having fun but also for making decisions to make your 30s equally amazing. If you plan to start a career by 29/30 that doesn't sound particularly late so if you're heart is saying yes I'd go for it!

FAQs · 07/03/2020 08:41

@confused20s I know, it was a 100% mortgage on 3 times my salary which was the max allowed at the time, the flat was £34k and my mortgage was something like £140 a month. It was 1997 and in SW16 so only a bus ride to central London. Wish I’d kept it worse thing I did was sell it.

ThePolishWombat · 07/03/2020 08:43

I’m halfway through my 20’s....
Have been married for 6 years and had my third child last autumn!
I’ve spent my 20’s mumming!

YouJustDoYou · 07/03/2020 08:45

My dad had died so it was up to me to look after my dementia and poverty ridden grandmother. My MIL began a campaign of hatred against me for 4 years. My fiance cheated on me for 3. My 20s were honestly hell. In my 30s now and life is good and happy. My 20s were essentially utterly wasted, but I am and where I am now because of them, so, whilst I would never do it over I can appreciate what came of it.

ThePolishWombat · 07/03/2020 08:46

Should have added:
I “lived” plenty before babies though! I joined the army straight from school at 16. I’d just met my now-DH who serves in another branch of the military. I spent 4 years doing a job I loved, travelling all over (both with the job and holidays), getting wildly drunk, doing stupid shit with my friends, did an operational tour, got quite badly injured, got married then settled down!

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