Positive driving alone first time experiences

[NervousAndScared1]

I finally passed my driving test recently. It took me over 1.5 years to learn and 4 tests. I really struggled with learning mainly due to lack of confidence and nerves. I've bought a car and have my insurance ready to start this weekend and will go out driving on quiet roads with my dad until I'm used to the car and feeling more confident to go out alone.

I know that I can't rely on him forever but the thought of going out by myself for the first time really worries me and I'm scared about taking my children in the car. I had a read online of people's first time driving alone experiences and read a lot of horror stories which has put me off even more.

It feels like everyone has a story to tell which involves being in an accident so what I'm looking for is people to tell me their positive driving stories to show me it's possible to drive and not be involved in a crash. I have a real fear of driving and I'm considering hypnotherapy so would also be grateful if anyone could tell me their experiences of that.

I also just want to add I will not go on the road alone until I'm feeling 100% confident before anyone tells me I'm a danger and shouldn't be driving etc.

I learnt to drive late, in my thirties. The first time I got in a car on my own I planned to drive 20 miles ish but after a (very short!) dual carriageway 2 miles later I stopped and cried and vowed never to drive again. Nothing had happened it was just so stressful! I did of course, and it got easier very very quickly. Good luck, it will be fine.

Thanks for replying. It makes me feel better to know there's other people who struggle. I feel really stupid that I can't just jump in a car without a second thought the way everyone else seems to. How long have you been driving for? My main worry is stalling and holding up traffic because I know if someone beeps their horn at me it's just going to make me even more flustered.

You'll be fine!
I'd recommend driving a route that you took with your dad in the car, go at a quiet time and don't panic.
You're probably better than half the people on the road if you've taken lessons for a year and a half!
Good luck!

Why don't you plan an exposure therapy ladder for yourself?

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Consumer%20Modules/Shy%20No%20Longer/Shy%20No%20Longer%20-%2010%20-%20Graded%20Exposure%20Building%20Situation%20Stepladders.pdf

That booklet came up when I was googling for a template to show you what I mean, the ladder part is section 4 starting on page 6 and includes a sample template you could fill out.

So you could start your ladder with driving with your dad, then maybe your first solo drive could be round the block, building up to longer routes then driving with your dad and the kids, then driving just you and the kids?

If you Google exposure therapy ladders for anxiety there are quite a lot of sources you could look at for ideas and the theory explaining why it works. Essentially it's about training your brain to feel safe, in manageable repeated steps.

I passed my test at 31 whilst pregnant. My first drive by myself was to my local Asda, parked up, went and had a coffee in McDonald’s partly to calm my nerves back down and partly to congratulate myself! It was a very standard drive with nothing bad happening at all!
It took me about a week before I could drive and have the radio on at the same time but I’ve not looked back since, it’s opened the world up for me.

I was worried the first time I went out alone too. I drove to the local garden centre that has a massive car park (about 10 mins from home on an easy route), had a little breather in the car park and went home again. It helped knowing I wasn't in a rush to go anywhere in particular, I was just going to get used to it. I'd recommend doing something similar and don't worry, your confidence will soon build up

I passed at 30 after 4 tests and lots of years. I took car out for little drive up the hills. Didn't realise it had snowed. Was shitting myself on way back down. I survived (and also survived clutch failure on roundabout and other stories... you'll be fine. Get some p plates maybe.

@PennyGold that's my plan. I'm hoping to get him to take me some useful routes that I will need to do alone and hopefully this will help me become more confident with them.

@user1423578854468 that sounds brilliant thank you for linking that for me. I will have a proper look tonight when my toddler is in bed but that sounds like something that could be really useful to me.

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink that's something I'd like to just a short journey to a supermarket and home but when I think about all the traffic lights I start worrying about how much potential there is for stalling

@Monetmoney and @Windywuss thanks also for your positive tales its giving me some reassurance reading these. I've thought about P plates but have read this can cause people to get more frustrated with you and drive close up behind etc. The first time I went on the dual carriageway as a learner a cat full of young boys were driving close to me and over taking and slowing down trying to put me off. I worry about something like this happening when I'm alone.

Oh I did stall! But I stall sometimes now!

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink😬😬

It more a worry that I will stall continuously. I've been used to driving a 19 plate car the last few months and the one before that was pretty new as well. My car is 15 years old so it's going to take a bit of getting used to. No digital speedometer or gear change prompts either in it either!

Hmm. Maybe your dad could drive you somewhere super quiet during the day, like a residential estate and have a pootle round there? You could stall til your hearts content til you get comfortable finding the biting point?

Omg i took to driving like a duck to water, went straight out without a second thought and clocked up thousands of miles in my first fortnight! I went to scotland, birmingham etc all alone, motorways, the lot. I have, touch wood, never crashed or bumped or anything.

Definitely worth going somewhere you know! First time I drove I literally just went two minutes down the road to the shop and back. It was the day I passed tho so I was on a bit of a high, after that my driving nerves came back and tbh it’s only four years later that they’ve really started to go - BUT that is because I let my fear get the best of me and kept making excuses not to drive. Once I got out there and got driving and kept driving, I started to feel better and now I do get nervous sometimes but usually once I start actually driving I’m fine. Don’t enjoy driving, I find it a chore, but I don’t get scared.

Agree that it should be a time when you don’t have anywhere to be and are just driving and don’t have to worry about being late.

@PawPatrolMakesMeDrink

That's what I was thinking to try on Saturday. Going down the industrial estates near the test centre as there's lots of roundabouts there but it's also a quiet road so I think that will be good for my initial practice. That's where I spent a lot of time on my lessons so it's a road I feel comfortable with as well.

I have the opposite problem- I learned to drive before it was a requirement to have an experienced driver with you and was driving by myself after 3 lessons, but even with years of safe driving, I get nervous having another adult in the car with me. It’s really about what you’re used to.

After a year and a half of driving and passing your test, you’re competent. It’s just a matter of convincing yourself to believe that.

Every new car takes getting used to. Do you have an industrial estate nearby you could practice in on a Sunday, or a car park that’s quiet at night? Just to get used to the feel of the transmission and the gear balance? Practice stalling until you know you can handle it.

Or do you have anyone who would drive with you but not give you advice/instructions so that you can concentrate on hearing and responding to the engine yourself?

Can’t remember my first time out as it was 25+ years ago, but one thing that helped me was to think I’ve got as much right as anyone else to be on the road, and not to worry about getting in anyone’s way, because we all do that sometimes. And the only time I’ve crashed so far, is when I rear ended my friend while following her and she stopped suddenly at a crossing Fortunately she’s still my friend

@AllMouthandTrousers thank you I needed to hear your no bumps sentence

@herbsmokedchicken and @Barbararara thanks also for your experiences. That's a good idea about practising stalling I wouldn't have thought of that and I think my dad will just sit quietly unless I ask what I should do. I definitely don't want him there to give me instructions I just think it will make it easier having someone there in case I need them.

I can't remember my first times on my own - too long ago! However, a few years ago I hired a car with an electronic handbrake and about a mile away from picking it up got stuck for what felt like hours at a roundabout while the traffic lights changed and changed while I tried to get the bloody thing off. If you do stall repeatedly (and you most likely won't) pop your hazards on until you're sorted, folk will assume car trouble and go round you. Good luck, you will do just fine.

I hated driving lessons and thought it would never feel 'natural' to me.
On my first test, I was so overwhelmed by nerves that I convinced myself the examiner's face was warping - I was terrified of him!
Second test, I pulled over, got out and walked away.
Third time I went with no expectations. Same examiner as first time. He was perfectly normal, friendly, even. I passed and drove from Northants to Manchester and back the following weekend! Driving by yourself is totally different. At least, it was for me.

Just do it, OP. So what if you stall?

@Meandyouandyouandme also reassuring thank you. I don't know it that would make me feel better or worse crashing into the car of a friend. I know I have to stop worrying about others on the road as they will have forgotten about me within minutes and probably getting pissed off with someone else further down the road.

@Daisymclazy that makes me feel better if I put on my hazard lights. My main worry about stalling is looking like an idiot so that make me feel a bit better that they would assume car trouble.

@MockneyReject I had the same examiner for my second, third and fourth tests!! Don't know who was more glad to see the back of the other when I finally passed. I actually nearly gave up on my final test before it started as I had to do a reverse bay park before leaving the test centre. It was so bad and I was close to tears but I continued as my instructor was in the back and I didn't want to let him down. I had beta blockers for the third and fourth as I was a shaking mess on the first 2.

Make things as easy for yourself as you can; pick a quiet route at a quieter time. If you’re going to the supermarket, park in the far end of the car park where there’s more space. If you’re going to a town or village centre, park in a quieter road 5-10 minutes away.

Don’t worry about being ‘told’ when to change gear, you’ll get a feel from how the engine sounds and feels. If it’s revving, change up, if it’s labouring, change down.

I’m not a natural driver by any means, so I always think of what will make the journey easier for me. I’ll never enjoy driving particularly, but it’s better when it’s less of a chore.

But whatever, I’m sure you’ll be fine.

I did my first solo drive at 7am on a Sunday morning and would recommend doing the same - so quiet! Good luck

@WarmSausageTea thank you appreciate your post. It's really reassuring to read that not everyone is a natural driver as it does start to feel that way. I have to go into town tomorrow and will have to walk past my car to get the bus! Although I'm scared I can't wait to just be able to jump in my car and make a journey easier, I really hope I can get to the point where I'm not nervous anymore.